'AITA for not punishing my daughter just because my stepdaughter and wife 'are sure' it was her?'
"AITA for not punishing my daughter just because my stepdaughter and wife 'are sure' it was her?"
English is not my first language.
My daughter and stepdaughter are both 14 and go to the same school.
A few days ago my stepdaughter called my wife when she was at school. She was crying and asking her to pick her up. Apparently at school she noticed that people were laughing when looking at her, and eventually someone told her that her jeans groin was torn and that is why people are laughing.
Now she and my wife are both convinced that my daughter must be the one responsible for it even though they have no proof, and they're demanding that I punish her.
I told them that this is truly stupid and I'm not punishing my child. Jeans can get torn on their own, it doesn't have to be someone's fault, plus it will be a good lesson for her to check her clothes before wearing them.
She has a habit of sleeping late and then waking up 10 minutes before she has to leave, and putting on the first clothes that she finds and wearing them quickly, so she has no one to blame but herself.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
How is this your daughter’s fault?
Outrageous-Side-964 OP responded:
They think she tore them. They believe anything that happens to them is her fault. I'm honestly sick of their attitude.
What did you daughter say when you asked her if she did it?
Outrageous-Side-964 OP responded:
She denied it.
If it was just one pair of torn jeans then it could be anything. If all of her jeans are torn then there may be more going on, but with the information provided NTA.
Outrageous-Side-964 OP responded:
It was just this one.
You have a wife problem, and you may be the a#$%ole if you allowed your wife and her daughter to blame and belittle your own daughter constantly before and after getting married. I’d ask your daughter how many times she’s been blamed for things by her new step-‘family’, maybe ask about the things your wife and stepdaughter do behind your back.
Trousers split all the time, especially jeans that get worn to death. The part by the crotch gets frayed by friction from walking, eventually snapping/unravelling along the seams where the fabric is weakest.
Edited to add: If ‘new’ jeans are cheap rip off brands, then they’re more likely to rip if worn by someone who’s the advertised size or a little bigger.
Outrageous-Side-964 OP responded:
Well she gets blamed a lot and most of the time she is actually responsible for what has happened. I just don't think this is one of those times. I think they are starting to act very irrationally.
YTA for bringing these two people into your daughter’s life
Outrageous-Side-964 OP responded:
It's not like they started this way or had a sign saying "We don't like your daughter" when we got married.
INFO: I would be interested to know if you CHECKED the jeans yourself to see how much damage they have, to come to your own decision on if it were even possible the damage were accidental or due to wear and tear.
I've had plenty of jeans tear at the groin from wear and tear. It always looks the same way.
Outrageous-Side-964 OP responded:
I didn't see signs of wear and tear as they are pretty new but it's still possible for them to be torn on their own. Happened to me before.
How would your daughter know what jeans stepdaughter was going to wear the next day?
Outrageous-Side-964 OP responded:
exactly my thought. Unless she can read her mind I don't see how this could have happened.
Based on your previous comments, you have two hypotheses: either your child is doing things to undermine your relationship, or your stepdaughter and wife are blaming your daughter for minor issues to get her out of their way.
You really need to start paying close attention to how your wife and stepdaughter are treating your daughter. If your daughter already senses that you don’t have her back, she probably isn’t coming to you to tell you how badly they have been treating her.
If you don’t take some kind of action and put your child first, you might end up losing her forever because she will lose respect for you and not trust you to protect her. If things escalate, she might end up leaving your house and never look back.
You have only one child, so make sure to protect her and build a safe environment for her to grow up in. Your child must be your main priority, and the way you treat her now will dictate how she treats you in the future. Women may come and go, and I doubt your stepdaughter will take care of you when you need it. So, be very careful with how you treat your child and the values you pass on to her.