I (31M) made a deal with my wife (32F) about a year ago. My wife was unable to find a job in her field. So if I'm going to be the one working, I don't want to have to clean, or things like laundry or dishes. So we agree that she will be the one to do those things.
We have a small house (2 bed 1 bath), the guest room is almost never used, no kids, and a dog/cat, so general home maintenance becomes basically: dishes, laundry, dusting, sweeping/mopping, cleaning up after the pets, and some other misc tasks.
I don't care if she lets the dishes sit until we have a full load in the dishwasher, but then it's time to turn it on and then put them away. Same with the laundry, if the hamper is full it's time to do it and put it away.
Visible dust on the shelves, time to dust them. It's not like I'm just throwing trash on the floor and expecting her to pick it up. I'll take my dishes up and put them in the sink or dishwasher, I throw out my garbage, and if I spill something I'll clean it up.
She gets annoyed when I point out things that need to be done, and then when it gets noticeable that the house is dirty we get into a fight. Last night was one of those and I kinda blew up. She keeps telling me that cleaning a whole house is hard and time consuming and then when I asked her what she cleaned that day she tells me that she put the dishwasher on.
"Great, so you took the 45 seconds to take the few dishes out of the sink, and put them in the mostly full dishwasher, turned it on and then didn't put them away? And then you called it a day?" She told me that saying that undermined her effort and I said "What effort? It would take an hour a day to keep this house clean but you put it off for an entire week and then when it would take a whole day to clean you say I'm unreasonable for asking you to do it."
When I ask her when she last swept or mopped: two weeks ago. When did you last dust? "I don't know". She then tells me it's unfair that she has to do all these things when I come home and just sit on my computer or play games because we should share that responsibility since we both make an equal mess.
This is where I got mad and was yelling. I don't remember exactly what I said but I know I called her lazy and said something to the effect of "You want me to work an 8 hour day so you can sit at home and do F all and then share the cleaning responsibilities when I get home? F off."
The last time this fight happened we deep cleaned the house together so she would have a no excuses and only have to maintain, and when she pointed this out I refused. I told her I'm not touching anything until the house is spotless.
Am I the ahole for thinking she should be able to do this? That daily cleanliness of a house would take, at most, 2 hours a day and that she has a pretty good go for having to do that and then she can play her games or watch netflix or have people over?
Now that you've had it out with her, sit her down and calmly talk it out to her.
You are working, she is not. One hour a day is more than enough to keep a small house clean and tidy and the laundry done. Tell her you'll get a house cleaner once a week as soon as she gets a job….why isn't she working? Atleast part time? No kids…she needs a job.
Cleaning a small 2 bed, 1 bath house is "so hard"? Did she have a maid when she was growing up? Cleaning a small house daily would not take 2 hours. You need to face facts: you have lazy, entitled person that is milking your paychecks.
If she can't keep house for her contribution then she gets a job. NTA.
After I graduated, it took me a couple years to get a job in my field. I did not have to bag groceries in the meantime. I found a job that could give me meaningful experience and I took that with me to a job in my field. It is ridiculous to just give up when she doesn’t get hired after graduating and be a housewife that doesn’t like to clean. NTA.
Both partners need to contribute, and both need to be satisfied with the arrangement. That's not happening in your relationship. You might want couples counseling if saving the relationship is a priority. NTA.