'Would I be wrong to post my cheating BF's OF videos in our joint family group chat?' UPDATED 5X

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

In a popular post on the Am I Wrong subreddit, a woman asked if she'd be wrong to quite literally expose her cheating boyfriend in his family group chat. She wrote:

"Would I be wrong to post my cheating boyfriend's OF videos in our joint family group chat?"

So I (24f) have been with my (25m) boyfriend for 6 years. 6 years we have built a life together, grown together, done everything together. He recently had to move away for a job, and I have felt uneasy about the move. He also happened to make friends with a girl (20s?f). I guess you can see where this is going.I have felt uncomfortable with their friendship from the start.

We have argued about her, I have made him unfollow her, I have gone through their messages, and the whole time he has gaslit me, called me controlling, painted me as insane and insecure to both our families. It has caused great emotional distress to me, and strained my relationship with his mother which used to be great.

Through all his gaslighting I even went to therapy to understand why I felt so awful about him being friends with this girl. Whether it was unresolved issues around the move, the physical distance the fact that she sort of looks like another girl who had caused problems for us etc. Idk. My boyfriend is also very good looking, and very much into training, has a very chiseled body, gets a lot of attention etc.

I also get a lot of attention, but I am a more private person and go out less so get it no where near as much as him despite us being comparatively equal looks-wise. So after about two months of therapy I get a DM on Instagram. It’s a throwaway/ alt account. No followers. And it’s a screen recording of this girl's Onlyfans.

Didn’t even know she had an account, it’s not under her real name or attached to any of her socials but I can see her face and know it’s her. And she’s doing content with my boyfriend. His face isn’t in it, but I know his body, I know what he looks like, the noises he makes, the way he does stuff. I’ve been with him for 6 years.

There’s a video of her giving him h*ad, a video of her taking backsh*ts, a bunch of lewds/n*des of both of them, a bunch of graphic pictures of facials. Just so much stuff. All in all it’s like a 7 minute long screen recording. No message was sent with it. Just the recording. I have no idea who it was, or why they sent it. The OF account is only a month old. He moved away the start of January.

I don’t know how long they’ve been having s*x for, or how the f#$k they progressed to doing Onlyfans together. But it’s insane. 6 years thrown away for a girl he’s known for a few months. And to do it in such an egregious way, to be blatant enough to film himself and put it on the f#$king internet. It’s disgusting.

Painting me out to be insane, making me go to therapy, ruining my reputation within both our families, the whole time he’s been f#$king lying, and filming himself cheating on me. He has been spending more money than usual. Going away, travelling, partying, going to restaurants with his new friends, buying designer clothes etc. I was under the impression he was working a lot, but nope.

Probably just got some extra cash doing f#$king p0rn with some f#$king tramp. I hate him so much. He’s a piece of s#$t. I hate what he did to me and us. I want to just post the screen recording in our joint family group chat. Let them all know I’m not f#$king crazy, he’s just a f#$king piece of s#$t. Idk if this is revenge porn.

I mean it’s already on the internet, posted willingly. I don’t even know if I care.

I want him to suffer, I want him to hurt, to feel humiliated. I f#$king hate him.

People had a lot of comments and questions.

l3ex_G wrote:

I wouldn’t do it, I would tell them he is cheating and doing p*rn and you have proof, if he denies it and they want the proof than I would send it but just to blast it in the group chat isn’t cool to your family. It sucks but good guys don’t do what he did.

You’re free and you didn’t get married or have kids with him. It hurts but you dodged a bullet and he lost his amazing gf. He’s trash but she didn’t take your man, she took your problem.

isaseli wrote:

Don’t post the video, just tell in the group that you know about the OF and if he tries to deny tell you have the video...then end the relationship, cut ties with his family and go live a happy life!

ChocolateBeautiful95 wrote:

I don't think you're a piece of s#$t. You're just extremely hurt and feel betrayed. Sharing the porn video would be a mistake imo, but letting the family know about it wouldn't.

Just tell them he's been making p*rn and cheating on you and cut all ties.

Jane-96 wrote:

Sorry you are going through this but no, I wouldn’t post it - no family members on either side need to actually see that. If I received that about my son even though I would agree he is wrong I would be disgusted that a girl who I thought I liked would subject me to it. It would be like lowering yourself to prove your point.

You don’t need to do that. You’ve been wronged and you have every right to speak up about it though. Instead, I might write in the chat that you’ve terminated the relationship and the reason is that you received an explicit s*x video of him and his “new friend”. Which confirmed your original unease.

Due to his infidelity, along with the fact that he has no problem selling that kind of filth for cash and for the world to see, you could never be with someone with no respect for themselves, their partner or their families. This way they get the info they know you have a copy of it - even though I guarantee no one will want to see it, this is your “proof”. Take the high road and move on. You deserve better.

After receiving a lot of feedback, OP jumped on with an update.

ETA: I’m going to bed. And as it’s been said 1000x I’m just going to let you all know. I googled it and under law where I live, it isn’t under the umbrella of revenge p*rn, as it was willingly posted to the internet by him himself.

It is considered copy right infringement at worst, but is a civil matter, not criminal. And even then, I didn’t actually “leak” the content, whoever sent it to me did. He might be able to get me on copyright laws, but like I said that would be a civil matter, the worst I’d get is a fine, if even that. Still I’ll see how I feel in the morning.

And the comments kept coming.

Nelsie020 wrote:

If you want revenge and validation by his family knowing what he did, don’t hit them with unsolicited porno of their family member. Message him that you know he’s been cheating with what’s her face, send him the video, and let the conversation flow where he will either beg forgiveness or attack you.

Either way, take screenshots of your convo with him and post those to the family chat so he can’t deny it and tell his own version later.

modernformulas wrote:

Excellent advice, let them see in his own words what a POS he is!

budnugglet wrote:

If you put p*rn in the family group chat you will look like a psycho, regardless of who's in it. Break up with him, tell anyone who asks you broke up with him because you found his secret porn, etc. but please don't show that to any family members!

Zealousideal_Crab8 wrote:

Send a message to the chat explaining the situation but don’t just send the video, I think that’s a terrible idea. It’s only going to cause more drama, take the moral high ground. Tell them you have the video evidence and can send/show individually if required. You’re very hurt and rightly so but don’t cause any more shit that you’re going to have to deal with than you already have.

OP shared more info in an update:

1) Did you ever have any idea he had cheated?

I had no idea he cheated, ever. I had one girl he used to work with at his last job (the one who looks like she could be a twin of this current girl) message me and claim she was f#$king him.

But she had literally no proof. Not a single text, not a photo, not a screenshot, not a phone call record, nor a single person willing to corroborate what she said.

He had a plethora of work colleagues tell me the girl was obsessed with him and a little crazy and most likely lying. I chose to believe my boyfriend of (at the time) 5 years. She ended up quitting work and moving 80+ miles away with her reputation in ruins, and everyone at their job treating her like she had the plague. That poor woman was probably looking out for me, and I was so horrible to her.

2) This all happened very quickly, how did you get a therapist so soon?

I had already had a therapist, who I had been with for 3 years. I felt like I was in a good place mentally to say goodbye to her in December.

I got back in touch mid January when I felt my mental health deteriorating again. I honestly have no idea if I am actually severely mentally ill, or if I have just been psychologically tortured by this piece of human s**t.

3) You seem a little unhinged, you sure you’re not crazy?

I have always had some mild OCD, as well as fairly bad anxiety (hence me going out much less than him).

That is what he used to paint me as insane. When I say he gaslit me I mean it in the purest definition of the word. He literally used my history of mental suffering to paint me as literally insane.

“Oh, it’s your OCD, you’re ruminating about this girl”

“Your anxiety is getting really bad, it’s just because I’m not around”

Stuff like that.

4) Why would you want to subject his family to that?

I don’t. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was in pain, I have never felt rage like that. It would have been wrong. Even if he deserved it (which he absolutely did, f#$k him) They did not.

5) How can you be certain she knows about you? She could also be a victim?

LOL. LMAO EVEN. No. She’s a f#$king piece of sh*t home-wrecking whore who deserves the worst.

I am listed as in a relationship with him on his social media, which she follows, she purposefully did not accept my own follow requests, probably because she has been posting him there too.

Oh and I also found her twitter (which isn’t private) and she has been liking tweets about “sneaky links” and that sort of stuff for around a month now, which was fueling my instincts. 3 days ago she liked a tweet saying “Why is s*x so much better when it’s with someone it’s not supposed to be with😩”.

She is a literal f#$king tramp. And proud of it.

The next day, OP jumped on with yet another update.

So, I slept on it, woke up about 2 hours ago to him posting holiday pictures in the family GC right now. I had my suspicions, but I got my cousin to follow the girl on IG (she is private) and she just so happens to be in the SAME COUNTRY HE IS RIGHT NOW LMFAO. WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

Yep. They’re both in Paris as we speak. How romantic!

I did what many redditors suggested. I used a text template made my one of you (thank you so much, because if I had tried to send that text, I’d of come across as unhinged).

I said; "Hello guys, I've recently had a video leaked to me that shows 'x' having sex and performing various other intimate acts with another woman. I didn't think it would be appropriate to share such a video here, but I will provide it is asked."

"This woman, specifically, is the one I had been concerned about for a while - and we was actually all lead to to think I was crazy for suspecting that something more was going on between them. It's distressing to find out that I was right. I'm sad that 'x' could do something so disgusting, and I'm sad that I didn't trust my gut."

"Despite us being together 6 years, this man has shown himself to be an utterly vile human being who has betrayed my trust and hurt me deeply. I was committed to him whilst he was sneaking around behind my back and calling me insecure for my gut instincts. He twisted the knife again and again and tried to ruin my reputation with you all, whilst knowing he wasn't telling the truth the entire time."

"This is the end, and I want you all to know why in case he decides to lie again. Also, he is most likely with her in Paris as we speak, as ___ followed the girl, and they just so happen to be in the same country right now. Here is all the proof."

"I love you all, and I think what hurts the most, more than this, more than the money wasted on therapy, more than the cheating, is that not a single one of you had my back. Here is the attached evidence. Don’t worry, nothing graphic. But I have plenty of truly horrible videos and pictures if any of you still don’t trust that I’m not insane. Please just give me some space, and do not reach out for now.”

I then attached the screenshots of her Instagram story, which show them in the same club in Paris at the same time, a screenshot of the video which takes place in his room (with me scribbling out the explicit stuff) along with a side by side comparison of a picture I took after I had finished decorating his room with him, and a lewd picture of him topless which I think best proves it’s him/his body.

I then left the group chat. Within 10 minutes he started calling, so I blocked him everywhere. His mum text me saying “I’m so sorry. I love you so much, and always will. Call if you need anything. I’ll give you your space sweetheart but please do not hesitate to call me any time. I love you like my own, please know that” which honestly turned me into a f#$king wreck.

His little sister (who is 20 and who is AMAZING) turned up and just hugged me. She didn’t even say anything we just both sat here cried. She said “I hope I don’t lose you” when she left and hugged me again. I told her she never would. Honestly I’m a mess right now. My parents are at work and unlikely to see the mess until at least lunch time if then.

That’s basically it. Thank you for everyone who took the time out of your day to message me and comfort me. Thank you for talking me out of doing something truly disgusting to the people who I DO still love. They would not have disturbed to see what I had to see. I’m going to go cry myself to sleep I think. I only slept like 3 hours last night.

Before people could respond, OP jumped on with another update.

Holy f#$k so I’ve just been informed (by his sister) he has blocked his Mum and Sister, after they both chastised him in the GC, and has now proudly displayed the link to the OF in his instagram bio! Glad I helped him to be his unapologetic self!!! Hope his new career choice goes well. F#$king loser.

I still haven’t heard from my parents yet, they get out of work around 5-6, but his Mum has said I’m welcome to go and hang out with her as she doesn’t want me to be alone. I’m going to get ready now and just go watch some MAFS AUS, maybe have a cheeky glass of wine. (that was our little thing).

Just because he’s choosing to throw away this amazing group of people (our parents, & our sisters), doesn’t mean I have to do the same. Family is who is there for you in your time of need, and they are the family I choose. He can choose his OF whore if he wants. Good riddance. At least I won’t have to see him when I hang out with his Mum/Sis.

The internet had a lot to say.

Peter09537 wrote:

Best thing to deal with cheaters is blocking them and removing them from your life. There is no point to deal with them. Hopefully OP has gotten an STD test and things are better.

thebooknerd_ wrote:

I couldn’t imagine how I’d feel or react if someone promised me to my face multiple times they weren’t cheating with a specific person while we’re in a LTR and then I found out they were doing it the whole time. I hope OP can move on and realize she lost her problem, not her boyfriend.

singlemamabychoice wrote:

It’s not a fun feeling. I wound up in an unfortunate situation where I found out after the fact that he’d been f#$king her in the shower while I slept in the next room (shower was literally on the other side of the wall to the head of the bed). I’m still dealing with the PTSD that sh*t stain left me.

Soon after, OP jumped on with yet another update.

So I went to his mum's place and sat there with her and his sister watching MAFS. We didn’t really talk about anything, just had a glass of wine and watched TV. Eventually I said I wanted to go to the toilet and I decided to go into his old room and everything just got too much.

So many memories, so many moments that I had cherished so much, so long spent laying there just hanging out and stuff. I had a really bad panic attack and ended up just breaking down and I felt like I was going to faint. They came up and checked on me and we all just sat in his room crying.

This may sound pathetic, and I’d love to pretend I’m some boss babe but honestly I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lost and broken in my life. I loved that man. Like I really really really loved him with my whole heart. I had since the day I met him. I can’t believe it’s over. It doesn’t even feel like a break up, it feels like the love of my life has just died.

Like it feels like a death. I feel numb. It got too much and his mum drove me home once my parents had finished work. Our sisters went and picked up my car while his mum spoke to my parents. I think I was in a state of shock I couldn’t speak, everything just sounded muffled like I was underwater. I fell to sleep, and only just woke up now.

It’s 11:39, everyone is in bed, and I’m wide awake. I truly feel lost. Part of me wants to call him, to cry, to beg him to find a way to make everything okay, to tell me it isn’t true, to turn back time. I know that’s stupid, I know I deserve better, but I have spent every week of my life with him since the day we met. I don’t know how to exist without him. I feel like I can’t breathe. I just want this all to be a bad dream.

The internet had a lot to say.

Qwussel wrote:

I know she’s still attached to all the emotions and memories, but from an outside perspective it feels so weird to read her saying none of them had her back and then she’s hanging out with his family.

Like there should have been a conversation and a couple of apologies for not trusting her one bit, apparently it got so bad she went to therapy ffs, instead it’s just a little…swept under the rug? His mom doesn’t want to be alone?

Like honey. I hope OP heals and learns to trust in herself some more, breaking off a long relationship like that is absolutely painful but dude doesn’t deserve her tears and I wish her all the best.

yepyep_nopenope wrote:

I'm not sure Married At First Sight is what someone should be watching when they're going through a painful breakup. Although, sometimes that show is so ridiculous and scripted that it's extremely funny, so maybe it cheered her up.

A_lion42 wrote:

That last update screams “This was my first long-term relationship." In a couple of months, she’ll genuinely look back on this and think “lmao I can’t believe I cared so much about that douche canoe”. Seriously tho, the guy sounds like he’s got some screws loose.

happytofuffee wrote:

My mom always said after I got my heart broken once, “don’t ever love a man more than he loves you” - this is coming from a woman who’s been cheated on by my dad too many times and after 3 illegitimate children she’s finally decided to leave him.

I’ve taken this advice to heart ever since. Looks like OP really loved this man - and the way she still romanticised their memories truly shows she loved him more than he loved her. Things will be better, OP. It always does!!

Hopefully, OP moves on to much better relationships.