'AITA for yelling at my friend cause she almost got us into a car accident? She said I was overreacting.'

"AITA for yelling at my friend cause she almost got us into a car accident?"

I’m 19F, my friend is also a 19F. She got her license about 2 months ago. I’m older by a few months and got mine when I was 18, on my birthday. So I have about a year and some months over her when it comes to driving experience. I usually drive to work, and follow traffic laws. I’ve never gotten pulled over or gotten a speeding ticket, so far.

Yesterday, me and my friend and her boyfriend went out for dinner. She offered to drive me home, which worked out cause my Mom had the car anyways. After dinner, her boyfriend sat in the back seat immediately, which I found a little odd but brushed it off for him wanting us to sit together in the front.

When we started driving, the first thing I noticed was she didn’t do a complete stop at a stop sign.

This wouldn’t usually bother me if there was absolutely no one there, but it was a little busy and she barely stopped and just gunned it.

The other cars were visible but not close enough. I didn’t say anything cause it was fine. Then, she needed gas. So we stopped at a gas station. This is where I may be the AH; as we were coming out of the gas station, my friend didn’t look at all at the incoming traffic and just sped out.

We nearly got hit and it was on my side so I physically flinched and said “WATCH OUT”. The other car honked at us but we kept on going. And once we did I told my friend “why didn’t you look?! Do you know how dangerous that was?!” She was quiet, told me a soft “sorry” and kept going. Even her boyfriend chimed in “You didn’t even look” and she just got more quiet.

When we got to my place I asked if she was ok and she told me that I can’t just yell at her while she drives cause that’s more dangerous since she’s distracted. I said “I get that, but that car had the right of way and you just came straight out without even a glance in the opposite direction. We all could’ve gotten hurt or possibly even k#$led if the other driver wasn’t paying attention.”

She said it still wasn’t right for me to overreact, cause then she got scared and thought that I’d yell at her at how’s she’s messing up like her Mom or Dad. I said “But your parents aren’t here, and you were being reckless. That other cars bumper was basically at my side of the window- I would’ve gotten the most serious damage if we did crash."

"I’m obviously going to react if it’s my or anyone else’s life on the line. Just cause you passed your drivers license exam doesn’t mean you’re a pro.” She said that I wasn’t a pro either and that I’ve only had mine for a year, which is true. But I’ve been driving for a year more than she has, I have more experience no matter what.

So, AITA for “overreacting” at my friend being a reckless driver? She’s still mad at me now and her boyfriend is saying I hurt her feelings by insinuating she was a bad driver.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Significant_Frame197 wrote:

There was a horrifying post here, a while, back about someone who was severely injured in a car accident because the driver chose to speed through a left turn and they got hit broadside.

Their life was permanently changed. Please don’t ride with your friend again, at least not until they have learned not to be so anxious when driving. Anxious drivers are incredibly dangerous drivers.

ETA: NTA (I can't believe I forgot to add that). Yelling is what you do to get someone's attention, and your friend was not paying attention!

1962Michael wrote:

NTA. Objectively, the honking driver, you and the BF all agree that she didn't look. You're allowed to have your own feelings, which in this case was fear. She is AH for saying you "over reacted." You reacted normally. BF is also AH if he agrees that she didn't look but somehow is blaming you for it.

A 12yo can drive a car if they're the only car on the road. What is lacking is the maturity and the discipline to remain alert to your surroundings and drive defensively. No one likes to be corrected, and it's always unnerving to be scolded while driving. But if she can't take feedback in real time, she needs to drive more carefully or not take passengers. Then she can just let other drivers give feedback with their horns.

OP responded:

I don’t think her bf is blaming me but he is mostly on her side. We share socials and I’ve been messaging him to try and talk to her because she won’t text or call me when I try to call her.

I asked him personally and he said he agrees with my reaction and that he actually sat in the backseat because she’s done this before ( to him as well ) and he only feels safe in the backseat. I told him that’s proof she’s not a safe driver and he agrees but he also knows her and knows getting her anxious and lecturing her won’t help.

indicatprincess wrote:

NTA.

"She said it still wasn’t right for me to overreact, cause then she got scared and thought that I’d yell at her at how’s she’s messing up like her Mom or Dad."

Tells you everything you need to know. She’s a shitty driver, her parents think so too and she’d rather get hit than be rightfully scolded for being distracted.

OP responded:

Thank you, I don’t wanna be bashing my friend or her parents but I don’t understand how you could let your daughter ( my friend’s parents ) take their car to drive around KNOWING she’s not a stable driver, yet.

To me, that’s dangerous parenting. But then again, I’m not a parent. I did tell my Dad though and he said if I was that bad, I wouldn’t be driving anywhere alone and avoiding intersections or highways all together.

But he said I’m allowed to take the car cause I’ve proven I’m a capable driver, and he’s a retired truck driver ( those really big ones ) so I take that as high praise. Overall l, since she is a really close friend; I’m gonna drop it. But from now on if we’re gonna go out, either I’ll drive my car or I’ll take the bus/Uber.

H_lunulata wrote:

NTA. You just have to not be a passenger in this person's car. I know that can be rough and might strain a relationship. However, most adults accumulate a small number of friends/associates that we won't let drive if there's any other choice. You have just found your first. No need to be a dick about it, but next time she offers to drive, politely decline. Note: this will probably increase your taxi/uber expenses.

Pitiful-Ad-2316 wrote:

NTA. No way around it, she's a reckless driver. And if she can't admit that what she was doing was dangerous, then it's only going to get worse until she actually gets in an accident. Or more likely, causes someone who's trying to avoid her to have a crash. I wouldn't ride with her again, your life is more important than her feelings.