'AITA for losing my cool and yelling at my 'influencer' SIL over her constant filming and lack of respect for my daughter's boundaries?'
"AITA for losing my cool and yelling at my 'influencer' SIL over her constant filming and lack of respect for my daughter's boundaries?"
I have a 13yo daughter (S). My SIL has two boys (8 & 11) who are deep into the Canadian hockey/baseball travel‑tournament lifestyle. She’s a SAHM and went down the Insta/TikTok “family lifestyle influencer” rabbit hole.
Over the last year, she’s leaned hard into the hockey mom thing by posting hotel reviews, game pics, and travel tips. She wants to turn her page into a full “family brand.”
When her boys were younger, she used to say she wished she had a daughter to do “girlie things” with. I included her in a few things with S, like picking out her first communion dress. Back then she was sweet, supportive, and genuinely the “cool aunt.”
Lately, every family thing has become content. She films everything, stages “candid” moments, narrates like she’s vlogging. At Christmas she tried to dictate the whole day. Gifts, crafts, movies all became scripted. The older cousins hid in the basement to escape being filmed. S later told me she hated being recorded and didn’t want to be on SIL’s pages.
Apparently SIL kept pestering her to braid hair, decorate cookies, etc. for “content.” S didn’t know how to shut it down, so she made herself as un‑influencer‑friendly as possible (eye rolls, nose picking, etc.).
Last weekend we went out for my mum’s 70th. SIL immediately started filming again, making the whole dinner awkward until her partner snapped at her to stop. During dinner, S mentioned she was going dress shopping for her grade 8 grad. SIL lit up and started pushing to come so she could “expand her brand into full‑family content.” I ignored her, but she kept pushing.
In the parking lot she asked again for the time and place. I snapped. I told her MY daughter is not her prop, not her “girl substitute,” and she does not have permission to film or post her.
She got defensive and said I was “stifling her creativity” and that she “needs” my daughter because she doesn’t have one. I told her off, loudly and colourfully. S heard, but with two parents who work in construction, she’s heard worse.
Later SIL started a group chat saying I was rude, mean, and embarrassed her, and that “everyone posts everything these days.” She demanded an apology. I refused and reiterated our boundaries. My siblings backed me up and said they also don’t want their kids in her content. SIL hasn’t responded since.
I know I raised my voice, but she has ignored every boundary. My priority was protecting S’ boundaries. Unequivocally, I know I am NTA for that and I will never apologize. However, my SIL just didn’t get it.
So, AITA for yelling at SIL in the manner I did?
Also, any pics I have in my history of S are posted with her permission. There is no content containing my daughter online. Only her kids and partner.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, but also, buy your daughter a couple custom tshirts and hoodies that say ‘I do not consent to being filmed’ and on the line below, have it reversed, so even if the image is mirrored, it is readable.
And some heavily trademarked characters so you can report her content. It won’t hold up under a proper review but it would get videos taken down for a time and make viewer counts lower.
NTA. She doesn't get to use your daughter against her will to create contact. Period. S is not her substitute daughter. Too bad, so sad. Influencer culture can be so toxic. If the only way you can make interesting content is to force your family to participate against their will, maybe you aren't much of an influencer after all.
Raising your voice was the mildest thing you could have done. One day someone is going to grab her phone and stick it up her arse. 'Influencers' are the fakes of life who do as little as possible to feel relevant when they aren't.
NTA content creation becomes a sickness for desperate losers who have no talent. “Stifling her creativity” lmao, she has none, that’s why she’s making pointless content about her life. Sticking up for your daughter was most definitely justified.
NTA. First, your kid is old enough to consent to being filmed and posted on social media. Second, she is a minor and you’re the adult. You are allowed to protect your kid how you see fit. Third, more than one child has opted out of wanting to be SIL’s prop at family functions. And multiple other adults are backing you up.
Fourth, SIL probably isn’t sharing the revenue from her content with the kids. If she wants to be an influencer, she doesn’t get to demand free labor from the people she wants to film. And she clearly hasn’t gotten signed consent forms from the other parents to show their kids.
NTA, you were justified in your yelling. She was a pushy AH at every turn. She needs to learn that the world is not her stage and she cannot turn people into props or use other people’s lives to further herself.
NTA. Protect your and your daughter's privacy. Be firm with the boundary. If she keeps trying to record your daughter, be vocal and be firm about leaving. Make it clear why you are leaving. "We are leaving because you keep recording my child without her or my consent and it makes us uncomfortable. I am teaching my daughter that consent matters." Repeat and follow through.
As for your daughter, this is a good chance to have a conversation with her about consent, internet activities, boundaries, and how to handle uncomfortable situations. Teach your daughter some phrases on how to shut it down and have her practice it. You're being a good parent. Keep it up.
As soon as your daughter told you she doesn’t want to be on her page you should have told SIL to take the videos with her in off, S has every right to her own privacy. NTA for finally telling her off though, just long overdue.
NTA. If the fact the older cousins are hiding in the basement to avoid being filmed didn’t tell her that she needed to stop, what else can you do but yell? More sadly, your Mom is now 70 and she may or may not live to see another decade birthday. And your SIL ruined it for her.
Your poor Mom. I’m sure she just wanted to be with her family, instead of having her grandchildren cowering for fear of being filmed and displayed like prize 4-H livestock at the county fair.
Good for you for standing up to her. And fantastic job being a great role model to your daughter. Sometimes screaming is necessary and your daughter saw you go to bat for her. Your daughter will never forget that. NTA.