"AITA for yelling at my parents during a family dinner?"
I (28F) am in debt. I didn't make smart choices in life, coasted on my student maintenance loans while taking out overdrafts. I graduated last year so my accounts are interest-free for the next 3 years and my total is around 6K. I am aware I have messed up and have recently acquired a job which I am using to pay it back.
I went to uni in a city about an hour's train from my home city so I kept all of my banking docs at my home address rather than the various flats I was staying in over uni. My parents would see those letters come in and start opening them because I wasn't there and "they look important."
Unfortunately this isn't new behaviour from them and is one of many why I decided to only contact them when necessary. Last week, we had a big family dinner. Me, my parents, two older siblings and our uncles and grandparents. It's an annual thing as one of my uncles has a travelling job so will disappear overseas soon and won't be around for Christmas.
We were all talking about taking a family holiday next year sometime to which my parents made a snarky comment about how I won't be able to afford it. I brushed that off but they continued to air out my financial laundry in-front of everyone.
My sister was shocked and she offered to help so I don't accrue any more debts and I can pay her back in my own time. Before I could reply and explain my new job and plan to get out of it, my mum told her that I don't deserve any help for the mess I'm in.
I snapped and shouted that I'm 28 and that it's none of her business. The whole table fell into silence and things were really awkward. I've been getting texts from everybody who was their to tell me off for yelling and honestly I'm tired of everybody being in my business. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Just_River_7502 wrote:
I feel like everyone is overreacting if your debt is 6k in student loans which have very low interest (and as you said are interest free anyway for three years). It sounds like you’re British so this is just all quite dramatic, you’ll pay it off via your job or it will sit there if you don’t earn enough to trigger repayments.
And you can certainly still go on holiday. Why is everyone acting like you’re a huge delinquent for this amount of fees? I had £9k fees back a long time ago. £6k in this economy is fine.
OP responded:
I am British yeah. My parents think I should be in 0 debt and it's a sign of my being lazy/not driven enough. Because they are high earners I wasn't granted a high maintenance loan so I relied a lot more on my student bank overdrafts.
I was applying for jobs in university but I wasn't getting anywhere with applications and studying a lot alongside started to impact my grades so I decided to knuckle down and just focus on university which is how I got into all this.
RoyallyOakie wrote:
NTA...it's really NONE of their business. Your parents invaded your privacy, tried to shame you in front of your extended family, and failed to offer any positive support. You're owed an apology. I hope things get back on track for you soon. Nobody's perfect.
OP responded:
Thank you so much, I'm on the way to getting debt free by mid 2026 hopefully.
DrVL2 wrote:
It is actually none of their business unless you are asking for help. It is certainly wrong of them to be opening your mail without your consent. It is even more wrong to be sharing your personal financial information with family without your consent.
Although we always wish we wouldn’t yell, in this case, it seems appropriate. Sorry that this happened to you. Good luck on pulling yourself out of the hole. It can be done. NTA.
OP responded:
Thank you so much, hopefully should be out of the hole by mid 2026.
Winter_Owl6097 wrote:
Question...you're getting important time sensitive papers mailed to you and you don't go get them? I've done the same with my son. I called him and said I think this is important and he told me to open it and find out. Good thing I did! Yes I asked first but the moral of the story is you need to read your important mail!
OP responded:
I don't collect them because I also receive them as like digital versions in my banking account. I knew they were opening them but I didn't expect them to like tell everyone about them.
I_Call_It_A_Carhole wrote:
ESH. Your parents should have never aired your dirty laundry to your family. You should have not continued to have your banking and other financial documents sent to their address. Those documents are important. Someone needs to open them and inform you of the contents.
They’re not wrong that you may need to dig yourself out of this one. But they should have given you the opportunity to explain that you already know that. The fact is, their trust in you is broken. You don’t get to stand on a high horse now about how you are an adult. Good luck getting debt free. I truly wish the best for you.
OP responded:
Honestly like their trust in me was broken when I turned 16 haha. I'm not on the traditional career path or live the way that they think I should - east asian family for context.
Full_Assignment666 wrote:
You owe 6k not 60k? You don’t have a money problem. Were your parents broke through life? I don’t understand their issue here. Anyway keep killing it, not TA, it’s none of their business and they shouldn’t be opening your mail, isn’t that a federal offense?
IamnotaCST wrote:
NTA. Time to change your address and put mom and dad on an info diet. They ask about debt? Hang up. They want to see your place? Keep the looks to the outside. They demanded to know about your relationships? Minimal information, name, number of dates, but no real details.
They want to buy their way out of the doghouse? Refuse. They try to get pushy? Close contact for a few weeks. They complain about how you are cutting them out? Remind them they broke your trust, owe you and apology and time to heal. They owed you your privacy and agency and elect to steal those from you instead.