'AITA for yelling at my wife after she tried to make me late to visit my grandma on her deathbed?'
"AITA for yelling at my wife after she tried to make me be late to visit my grandma on her deathbed?"
Hi,
I am (38M) married to my wife (35F), with two girls older (4F) and a smaller (9 month F). I am the only one to get our smaller child to bed and put her to sleep, while my wife usually takes the older daughter to bed.
My grandma has been diagnosed with cancer for the last 8 years, she was in chemotherapy twice and in the last two months her condition degraded and it is clear to all of my family, meaning my parents and brothers that she is going to d** soon.
On a Saturday, my dad called at 12:00 noon saying that they think my grandma is about to pass away soon, and my grandma asked me and my brother to say our goodbye this evening.
I called my wife, to inform her that I will need to go to visit my grandma, which I haven't done in years ( I usually meet her at my parents), and I explained to my wife that my grandma is about to die and that I am coming to say my goodbye this evening. Me and my wife agreed that I will go to my grandma at 7PM.
I informed my dad, and we decided him, me and my borther will all meet at 7PM at my grandma's house.
At 6PM, I tried to put my smaller daughter to sleep, but after half hour it was clear that she is not going to fall asleep any time soon.
I stepped out of my daughter's room, which made her cry her, and I informed my wife, who was in the other room with my older daughter watching television, that I need to go, and that she needs to continue and put our younger daughter to sleep. We started arguing, my wife wanted me to stay until I put our younger daughter to sleep, and I said I can't be late and I said that I need to go right now.
After some arguing with no agreement, I just went outside of the house and went to the building lobby and called an elevator My older daughter went after me, so I brought her back home. My wife continued arguing with me that it is unacceptable that I just left the house like that, and about my overall behavior.
She stood by our house door not letting me get out. I tried to talk to her for a couple of minutes, but I understood she it not letting me leave, and she just want to continue arguing. At this moment I just wanted to leave. I physically moved my wife from the door. Got out of the house to the building lobby and in the lobby yelled at my wife to "Drop dead."
I came to my grandma in time and we had our last conversation.
My grandma d**d a week later
Nor me or my wife apologized yet. I don't intend to apologize. AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
YavineLasacienne wrote:
INFO: While I'm NOT saying that your wife's actions through all this was ok... What kind of husband yells at his wife to "drop dead" within hearing distance of their child? WTF if happening in your place, OP? Are you all... ok? Outside of the mourning I mean? My condolences for your loss.
Please be aware that your children are observing the adults around them and modeling their behavior after yours. I'm begging you for their sake to seek counseling, and if that fails, to consider separating.
milkywayrealestate wrote:
ESH. Your wife is for sure TA, but also yelling at the mother of your children to drop dead where they could hear you leads me to worry about what kind of house these girls are growing up in. I even understand where you were coming from in saying it, but you have to be so so careful about language around kids, especially language directed to your partner.
BackgroundRate7405 wrote:
INFO: If your dad called you at noon so 12, why did you decide to wait until 19 to go see her and why you couldn't be late? Like if you have waited 7hours why 15 or 30 more minutes were such a big deal?
Old_tshirt72 wrote:
Uh, you told your wife to drop d**d while you were going to see your dying grandma? Let me get this straight, you want your wife to understand the severity of someone dying, so you in turn tell her to d*e?
ESH, wtf is your wife thinking, and why the f is DROP DEAD the first thing you said? Nice how you just glossed over that like it wasn’t a disgusting thing to say, ESPECIALLY in that specific situation.
What the actual f#$k did I just read?
ThisWillAgeWell wrote:
INFO: I feel there is more to this story than have told in your post above. Any decent human being in your wife's position, on hearing that their spouse's grandma is passing, would say "Of course I'll put the baby to bed. Don't worry about that. Go see your grandma and say your goodbyes. Go now. Hurry."
Your wife did not do that. Why not? Is it because she's not a decent human being, or is there some other reason? Is it to do with the "overall behavior" she is complaining about?
What are you not telling us?
Sunset_onthe_horizon wrote:
NTA what the hell is your wife's problem? Seriously BS what she pulled. It's illegal to prevent people from leaving, it's considered unlawful imprisonment. Ask her if she'd rather you called the police. Ridiculous behavior!