'AITA for yelling at my brother late at night when he came into my room to ask for my suitcase?' UPDATED

"AITA for yelling at my brother late at night when he came into my room to ask for my suitcase?"

I (25F) live at home with my family. My younger brother (21M) is going on a trip to Japan. About a week ago, he asked if we had any big suitcases. We do. Two older family ones and one that belongs to me personally. I bought mine myself for nearly €200, and I told him upfront I didn’t want him to take it.

I’m also going on a trip soon, and he’s not known for treating things with care. Not even his own stuff. I was clear: please don’t take mine. Last night around 11:30PM (the night before he flies), he starts packing and apparently discovers that the other suitcases are somehow unusable (I don’t know what exactly was wrong).

At that point, I had already gone to bed because I had to wake up at 6 AM for work. I’m a light sleeper and have trouble falling asleep, so it takes me a while to drift off. Just as I’m finally almost asleep, I hear someone in my room and a flashlight shining in my face. It’s my brother. I sleep with earplugs, so I couldn’t fully hear him, but I picked up something like “Can I use your suitcase?” I was shocked and angry.

I had already said no days ago. I told him to leave because I needed to sleep. He stayed and kept asking. I ended up yelling and swearing at him, told him to get out, and said I’d wake him up early too (which I didn’t mean, I was just furious). My mom came upstairs too because of the noise, and I shouted for everyone to leave me alone. My dad was probably woken up as well. He has to get up at 4:30 AM for work.

It took me about an hour to fall back asleep. I felt completely thrown off and frustrated.

This morning, my brother texted me:

“Okay sorry I came into your room after 11, but you could’ve just listened instead of yelling and being dramatic so late. You upset mom again. You could’ve just given me the suitcase and I’d have paid you for a new one, but you already had it in your head that you never share anything. I’ll drop it. But if you slam any doors or make loud noises in the morning, I’ll take your suitcase anyway after you leave. So your choice.”

I was stunned. To me, this felt manipulative and borderline threatening. He completely ignored that I had already said no, that I was asleep, and that I needed to get up early. Instead, he called me dramatic, blamed me for upsetting our mom, and said he’d take my suitcase anyway if I dared to make morning noise.

I sent him a message explaining my side: that he had ignored my boundaries, that I was asleep and had to work early, that I had a right to say no. Especially for something expensive. And that how he spoke to me was not okay. I also apologized to my mom and dad this morning for yelling, but I’m still angry about the whole thing.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Ancient-Flan2739 wrote:

Take your suitcase to work with you, just in case 🤣🤣

citrus_cinnamon wrote:

NTA your brother is manipulative "you upset mum again" well did you really? Or was that a direct consequence of HIS actions? Also him saying he would have bought you a new one, does he even know the actual value of your suitcase? If he has 200€ to buy you a new suitcase then he might as well have bought his own instead of waiting for the last minute and trying to forcibly take yours.

VordovKilnir wrote:

NTA. Make some noise anyways. Put the suitcase in your car and take it to work with you.

And let him know if he ever enters your room at night again, you will assume it's a burglar and act accordingly.

Ditto_headforever wrote:

You're NTA and I hope you brought your suitcase to work with you to prevent him from stealing it.

"Last night around 11:30PM (the night before he flies), he starts packing and apparently discovers that the other suitcases are somehow unusable."

His failure to plan isn't your emergency to solve.

Sucks for your dad that you may have woken him up, but I can't say I would not be shouting at someone waking me up with a flashlight shining in my eyes.

The next day, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: A few things have happened since last night. For those saying I should’ve taken the suitcase with me to work: I didn’t need to. It has a TSA lock on it, so even if my brother had tried to take it, he wouldn’t have been able to use it. Later that day, he sent me a casual message as if nothing had happened. I didn’t fully engage, but I did respond politely and wished him a safe flight.

He’s still my little brother, after all. He ended up taking one of the other suitcases. Turns out, there was nothing actually wrong with them. One had a broken inner zipper (which doesn’t really matter), and the other he said looked “too bulky” and “had scratches”… which is pretty normal for luggage.

My mom told me this. He probably freaked out at the sight of the broken zipper and ran to my room. Apparently, he later admitted to her that how he handled the situation wasn’t smart. So it seems like at least on some level, he realizes it.

We haven’t talked more about it and I’m okay with leaving it there for now. I said what I needed to say, and I feel like I stood up for myself in a way I can live with. Thanks again for helping me work through it.

And no, I didn’t slam any doors.

The comments kept coming.

Darling961215 wrote:

Is this a thing with younger siblings especially men? My brother was like this before our trip to Japan. Me and mom keep on reminding him the things to prepare e.g immigration papers, QR Codes for Japan immigrations, important docs etc. days before the trip I reminded him again to prepare the QR codes and he exploded!

Why are we always keep on reminding and nagging him when he already prepared everything so I stop and what do you know? He was stop in Japan's immigration because it was incomplete. He was delayed for almost 30 mins!

Potential_sky_35 wrote:

I will go against the flow and say that you sound very reactive. You’re not a teenager anymore ffs. I am also a super light sleeper just like yourself and also can’t fall asleep once I’ve been awaken but these types of acting out stopped at one point in my 20s (and I had huge fights with my brother too, and about similar stuff too).

Also, your brother mentioning you never share anything is interesting. Also, his “manipulative” message sounds immature to me but also kinda KINDA normal when siblings fight. Not sure wether to go with YTA or NTA but you sound like a person I would not hang out with or your whole family has weird dynamics.

PlasticLab3306 wrote:

FFS your brother sounds just like mine, entitled, pushy and self-centered, but worst of all, the kind that threatens to escalate more and more. Reading your story got me flashbacks of my time living with mine, except mine would have never admit being wrong to anyone.

Sounds like you exploded because that’s the only way he’ll listen and I’m sorry to say that that’s a learned behaviour that you’ll unfortunately take with you for life. NTA.

connies463 wrote:

I'd pour a bucket of water on him at morning and file a police report if he'd dared to take the case. NTA obviously.