'AITA for yelling at my parents for financially supporting my sister?'

"AITA for yelling at my parents for financially supporting my sister?"

I (21F) want to start off by saying I don’t feel entitled to my parent’s money at all. I have worked hard to make it so that I can provide for myself as soon as I realized I wasn’t going to get the same help.

My parents are decently well off, and because of this, they like to help out with friends and extended family by giving them money or things like phones/computers/etc. My sister (19F) has always been the child who was paid more attention to financially and emotionally (ex: she was taken to the hospital for the same things I was told weren’t that serious).

I’ve been expected to be financially responsible for things since I was 16. My parents pay for my rent at school, but I have to pay for everything else (utilities/water, tuition, medication, textbooks, food, etc.) with a part-time job on top of my heavy class schedule (engineering).

My sister is getting all of her schooling paid for by them and was gifted a new computer setup with dual monitors. My parents bought her a car at 16, but let me know beforehand that I was expected to buy my own car. My sister asked to apply to work a job, but they forbade her from it, whereas I was forced to work a part-time job since I was 16.

I have to fund “fun” purchases on my own and I get berated for my choices (the most I’ve spent is $500 that I was gifted through an org scholarship to buy a computer for school). My sister is given an allowance, and when she burns through that early, they give her more money anyway. I am also expected to pay for her outings whenever we are home.

I brought up this discrepancy once when my dad was getting upset with me for wanting to buy a $100 camera with my own money. Instead of addressing what I was saying, he bought the camera I was looking at and shipped it to my apartment at school, so I wasn’t really allowed to be mad anymore.

This issue was brought up again when I was trying to work out a health insurance issue. I was referred to see a specialist ASAP by my doctor due to something looking concerning and my hair falling out, but I couldn’t be seen because something was wrong with the insurance.

Since my dad is the insurance holder, I brought this up to him and asked him to look into it (I had already done my due diligence and called/emailed around with no solution). He delayed any action until he realized that the insurance issue also extended to my sister (he said this to me like it was funny).

I ended up getting very frustrated and yelled at both him and my mom for not taking anything seriously when it came to me. I said that the only people they care about are themselves and my sister. Their response was that I’m spoiled and that I shouldn’t be paying attention to stuff like that.

I’ve been sulking all winter break in my room and feel the need to apologize, but I’m embarrassed for losing my temper because I am in a very privileged position of life and they do pay my rent. AITA for yelling at them and accusing them of not caring about me as much as my sister?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Lopsided_Tomatillo27 said:

NTA I’ll bet your parents are going to be shocked when the only person they have to take care of them is your sister that they’re raising to be a deadbeat.

ACNHenthusiast22 said:

NTA. You were bound to snap eventually when they clearly treat you worse than your sister. The money stuff is annoying for sure but what broke the camels back and what’s most appalling to me personally is that you were having urgent health issues and he didn’t care to even look at it until she happened to need the insurance too.

If it is/was something serious he could’ve done serious harm to you by just not caring enough.

2300abar said:

NTA. That sounds like blatant favoritism. Whilst yelling isn’t great, your feelings are valid and don’t apologize for them. Maybe write it all out, a list of what she received and what you did and leave that with them when you go back to school. Stop paying for her outings.

Can I ask though? Are you fiercely independent in that they would have done more for you but you wouldn’t accept versus your sister who accepts all (from your account)?

AdCritical3181 said:

NTA. This isn’t about entitlement, it’s about clear favoritism and not being taken seriously, especially with your health. That frustration built up over years. You can regret yelling without being wrong about why you’re hurt.

Think-Corner-3232 said:

NTA. Don’t apologize. They are terrible parents to show that extent of favoritism, and if you apologize they will think they are not that terrible.

green_dog_in_hades said:

NTA. Sometimes the only cure for toxic family systems is to get out of the system. If you do leave, they will do everything to get you back in. This can be incredibly hard, because you've been programmed to get some kind of emotional satisfaction from being given the short end of the stick, and it will feel wrong to leave. Try to find a good therapist. Good luck.