'AITA for yelling at my uncle for not telling me about my grandmother?'

"AITA for yelling at my uncle for not telling me about my grandmother?"

I 29F found out from my grandma on my moms side let’s call her grandma A that my grandma on my dads side she can be grandma B is in the hospital. Context both my parents families are from the same area which is a very small community everyone knows everyone. My dad passed away and since then the relationship with my dad’s family has been strained to say the least.

My mom and I were driving and we get a call from Grandma A saying why didn’t you tell me grandma B is in the hospital. I am stunned. I said what? She’s in the hospital no one told me. Grandma A goes on to explain a friend of hers asked how Grandma B is doing in the hospital. I was so confused so I text one of my cousins she tells me yes grandma had a stroke or symptoms similar they aren’t positive.

I start to get very upset. Keeping in mind we are maybe 4 months post my father passing away and that in itself was an extremely traumatic event. My mom decides to call my uncle and I get very angry my mom is calm but I’m losing it and yelling at the phone. I do my best to calm down and have a rational conversation where he tells me she’s had basically mini strokes and one actual stroke.

I ask questions and he says testing is happening and they are now looking at nursing homes for her. I get the information from him about which hospital she is in and go visit on the weekend. At the hospital we see my grandma and my uncle is also there so I take it upon myself to talk with him.

He says to not speak to him that way again, I apologize but ask the question if my dad was still alive would I have found out when this happened. He said yes I took care of telling my family. To which while not super close we are related so it hurt.

Granted I do have other Aunts and Uncles who also didn’t tell me he was just the one who got my wrath because he was the first one we talked too. Some people on my mom’s side think I was too harsh and said I shouldn’t have yelled the way I did. So AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Disneylover-4837 said:

YTA here. You obviously were not in close enough contact to be included in close family enough that you’d be contacted. You’re an adult now so it’s on you to reach out if you want to start communicating with that side of your family. Your uncle had more important things to do than deal with a temper tantrum.

You talk about your dad’s death being traumatic. Did you ever consider how traumatic it might be for your uncle to have a mother have a stroke and end up in hospital? Have some compassion and maybe stop making it about you!

IllustriousBowler259 said:

You're 29 years old, and still expecting to be spoon fed? If you'd stayed in touch with ANYONE you'd have heard as it was happening. Looks like you weren't even in touch with your own grandmother. You lost a father, but she lost a son. And now her other children are worried about caring for her and finding a placement.

You are not the center of this situation. Caring for someone who has had a stroke is a consuming task, and your yelling was an AH move. The selfishness of your outlook suggests a clue as to why you are not the first person anyone calls. YTA.