'AITA for refusing to give up my master bedroom to my SIL and niece (who has lice) for their 3-4 day visit?'
"AITA for refusing to give up my master bedroom to my SIL and niece (who has lice) for their 3-4 day visit?"
My husband (35M) and I (30F) live in a two-bedroom apartment. We are about to host my sister-in-law (SIL) and my niece (5F) for a 3-4 day visit. I love my niece dearly; she's a sweetheart. The problem is that she has lice.
Her parents (my SIL and brother-in-law) who are doctors are completely unbothered by it. They give her a normal shampoo and a quick comb-over and consider it "treated".
I have never confronted the parents or made any comments to them about the lice. I don't have kids, but I imagine dealing with lice would be a top priority for any parent, and I would help my child immediately.
I have borderline OCD. If things look or feel messy/unclean (especially pests), it triggers significant anxiety for me. The last time I visited them, I was extremely careful, but I still had an intense anxiety itch afterward. I checked my hair daily and even used lice shampoo after returning home, just to be safe.
For this visit, I was nervous but planned to manage my anxiety by being cautious (limited contact) and meticulously washing their sheets in hot water immediately after they leave. I'm trying to accept the anxiety risk because I love my niece.
Now, to the issue. We have a perfectly good guest bedroom set up for visitors. My husband suddenly insisted on giving them the master bedroom instead. His argument is, "They are guests, they need to be treated well," and "If there's nothing wrong with the guest room, then why can’t we take it?"
I refused for two main reasons. First, there's the Lice. While I planned to manage my anxiety about the lice, the thought of them sleeping in my bed, with my pillows and linens, for multiple nights is deeply distressing and a huge trigger for me.
Second, All my personal belongings are in the master bedroom, and I can't keep coming into the room, disturbing them, to get my clothes, toiletries, etc., for four days.
My husband's reaction was to gaslight me. He said things like, "You never liked my side of the family," and "You might create more problems, like the lice issue, once they are here, and it's best not to invite them over," and finally, "You'll make the kid feel bad for the lice."
After I stood my ground, my husband suggested a different solution. I should stay at my parents' place until the guests leave, and he will take care of the hosting and the clean-up. When I asked if he would still offer them our master bedroom, he confirmed, "Yes."
I pushed back and said I have never taken this out on the child or the parents. I put the blame squarely on the irresponsible parents. Since I don't have the authority to treat my niece myself, I am trying to deal with the situation by setting a boundary.
I feel that asking me to give up the master bedroom or even suggesting me to stay at my parent's place is an unreasonable ask. AITA for refusing to leave my home or let my SIL and niece stay in our master bedroom?
UPDATE:
Thank you all for the replies and for providing more context on how serious and contagious this is. It has been incredibly helpful. I now realize that the previous plan to just use the guest room was not sufficient.
I had assumed lice would only spread through direct head-to-head contact, and I didn't realize how easily they can transfer via bedding, furniture, or shared items.(Since I've never had lice and we don't have many kids in the family, I never knew it's this serious)
I have decided to text my sister-in-law directly to ask for an update on whether my niece has been fully treated for the lice. I will be letting her know that we are not comfortable having them stay over until the lice is completely resolved and treated.
My husband admitted he had no idea how serious or easily spread lice is, as he's never experienced it. After reading your comments, he is now more convinced and on board with this decision. I'm still pissed with him, but I'll save that conversation for later.
For those asking: Her school doesn't do lice checks, and doesn't stop kids from attending, it's entirely up to the parents. I will update the thread once I hear back from my sister-in-law.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
It sounds like you have a husband problem more so than a lice problem. NTA.
These ppl shouldn’t even be allowed on your home let alone your bedroom.
I'm wondering how the child's teacher deals with it. Or haven't her parents enrolled her in school?
Well, where I teach, we're allowed to inform the parents that a child has lice but they cannot be excluded from school because of it. We can't send them home or request that they stay home. All we can do is ask the family to treat it...which is obviously up to them. So the teacher's hands may be tied, unfortunately.
NTA. But why would you even let them in your apartment? And you need to tell your husband to go stay with family at a roach motel since bugs don’t bother them.
If that happens, hubby has to be treated for lice the second his relatives are gone since he can still very easily bring that nastiness back to OP and spread it to her. This is an utterly repugnant situation to be put in.
OP, NTA. The parents of that child are incompetent and neglectful, and it makes me wonder what other fundamental personal hygiene practices they're also ignoring on their child.
NTA I WOULD DIE ON THIS HILL IN MY MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a huge bug phobia. Ain’t no way in hell am I allowing anyone infested with bugs into my house on purpose. YOU CAN GTFO AND STAY HOME UNTIL YOU NO LONGER CARRY THEM. I do not care if people hate my comment.
I... Wow. The fact that you're even allowing them into your house is baffling to me, but now you're expected to give up your room? Absolutely not. NTA. Because it's not just washing your sheets - it's vacuuming the mattress and the floor THOROUGHLY. It's cleaning all furniture they came into contact with THOROUGHLY.
I have OCD too, so I know my saying that doesn't help, but it's the truth. I feel so bad for your niece. I had lice as a kid, and it was SO embarrassing! In the age of salons that specialize in treating lice, I can't believe she hasn't been treated beyond a quick shampoo and combing through. I've also worked in daycare centers where we've had lice.
We had one little girl with chronic lice, and her parents never fully treated her. We were on the verge of calling CPS to report neglect when they pulled her because she couldn't be allowed back until the lice was gone, which was daycare policy and in the handbook every parent had to sign. I cannot wrap my head around how no one but you thinks that this is a big deal. Head lice is no joke.