My husband and I hosted my 29th birthday party yesterday and invited 6 of our friends (3 couples that we consider our core friend group.) I had come across the concept of molecular food pairings a few months ago and was really intrigued by the idea.
Some of the recommended pairings require expensive ingredients like caviar that I can’t justify buying on an average day but my birthday seemed perfect. So that’s what the theme was - a molecular tasting party. I put together a total of 15 “courses” but they were very small, just a few bites each. There was also a moderate amount of other snacks laid out and cocktails.
My husband and I both had a really good time. We ranked the pairings, had drinks and played card games. I thought everyone else had enjoyed themselves as much as we had.
This afternoon, we got a text that was presumably sent to the wrong group chat that said, “can we just be honest and say that the whole thing was weird? She’s like this every year. The rest of us just go out, how has she not gotten the idea yet? It’s rude.”
Another person replied, “at least last year she made an actual meal. I’m mad I even brought a gift.”
I sent “wtf?” back and the whole chat has been silent since.
I don’t know what to think. It really hurt my feelings and I don’t even feel like they like me at all if they talk about me like that but also… if I’m making people feel like they’re forced to participate in things they think are weird, that’s a selfish thing to do too and maybe they’re right.
Get new friends. These are AHs.
edit: They are discussing you like middle schoolers on a playground. It's shocking to think some responders think it's normal. It's not.
Plus, she said they sent it to the wrong group chat so I would guess they have one without her. That’s just mean. If you don’t want to be friends, just be an adult and end it.
This precisely, the wrong group chat. What a clanger...
I don’t get it. Why not just quietly distance yourselves if you don’t enjoy someone’s company. Knowingly hurting someone’s feelings feels lousy.
NTA and I think for your birthday, you got the gift of learning these people aren't your friends. If they were actual friends, they would have had a conversation about how "you are like this every year" rather than just shit talk you behind your back.
Going forward, with a new group of friends, if you do something not "main stream", I would say, hey I'm fascinated by the idea of XYZ. My husband and I want to host this, would you be interested in coming? This way, if they don't, you two still get to do this, but also expectations will be set that people know they are coming to something unusual.
I was invited to a "blind" eating experience. I'm claustrophobic and have a very specific and deadly food allergy, so I said no and said why. I actually googled molecular food pairings and have gone down a weird rabbit hole. I showed my fiancé the article I was reading and he wants to do this now.
For anyone else unfamiliar: Molecular Gastronomy Pairing
But also they clearly don’t seem to like her. Why should she have to run it by them to see if they’d like it when it’s what she wanted to do for HER birthday. If “she’s like this every year” then they already knew what to expect to some extent. They could just decline to come if they don’t want to go, but showing up, pretending to enjoy it and then turning around and talking sh!+ behind her back is just a$$h0l3 behavior.
NTA. Your Friends are. Not for not liking what you did on your birthday. But they could just have politely said that they weren’t totally into such kind if food. But apparently they acted normal and then started talking sh!t behind your back. That’s a completely AH move.
I'd rather not have friends than have ones like this. That's so nasty and sounded like a really fun time. Wish I was friends with OP.
NTA. And I think your party sounded fun! Even if I left hungry, it's at least something different and interesting. Your friends are immature and sad.
"If I’m making people feel like they’re forced to participate in things they think are weird, that’s a selfish thing to do too and maybe they’re right."
That's not selfish. But what your friends are doing is childish. I bet they are panicking now. One of them will reach out to apologize. When that happens, it's up to you to decide if you want to accept an apology.