'AITA for saying hello to my 8th grade crush at the grocery store? I need a second opinion.'
"AITA for saying hello to my 8th grade crush when I saw her at the grocery store?"
No_General_6097
When I was in 8th grade we had to do square dancing for PE and I danced with this girl names Vanessa. I don’t remember the dance but we had to hold hands and I fell head over heels in love with her.
She was really out of my league so I never had the courage to approach her but I used to have vivid fantasies about dating her, marrying her and having a life with her. She moved the first yeah in high school so I thought I’d never see her again.
I saw her at Safeway yesterday. She looked exactly the same and I had to say hello. I asked her if she was Vanessa and she said yes and I said she probably doesn’t remember me but we went to middle school together and she said that she remembered dancing with me in PE.
I was so stoked that I went into telling her how much I was in love with her but too afraid to approach and she always seemed so sweet and she was still beautiful. I said that my silly school boy self had dreams of marrying her and having kids and I even had the names picked out.
I asked what she was doing now and she she’s getting her masters in architecture but it turns out the office she works out of us right down the street from my work. She said she had to go and I asked for her number and she gave it to me and said maybe we could catch up with a group of friends some time. I was so stoked and we said goodbye.
About 10 minutes later I thought of the name I wanted to name our kids because it was based on a book we were reading in ELA (flowers for Algernon) so I FaceTimed her to tell her. She didn’t answer and I got this text “hi, I’m sorry but this whole encounter was really intense for me. I wish you well but please don’t contact me again.”
I tried to call her on regular phone this time and I think she blocked me. I saw my girl cousin later last night and showed her because I don’t want Vanessa to get the wrong idea—I’m just a normal guy. I was thinking about maybe just stopping in at her work and explaining things again.
My cousin said that text was as blunt as it could have been without using swear words. she said I was fine to say hello, I was weird when I told her about my day dreams and I was a “certified a**hole.” I tried to FaceTime her 10 minutes later and she doesn’t even have words for what I’d be if I stopped by her office. I would like to get a second opinion— AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Curious-One4595
You’ll get lots of second opinions here and all of them will be: YTA. It wasn’t the saying hello part. It was everything after that. Exactly wtf was going through your mind while telling her this? How did you think she’d react? You’re not just a normal guy. When people say don’t contact me again, you don’t contact them again.
Heavy_Sand5228
Yeah this was uncomfortable to read. She was just going to the grocery store, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume probably did not want to hear someone’s fantasies of having children with her. Please leave her alone.
coastalkid92
YTA. Gonna be honest, you went way too far and threw a lot at a woman who is effectively a stranger to you.
Seriously OP, sit back and really consider what you did here:
1. You told her you were in love with her as a youth
2. You had fantasies of marrying her and having kids
3. You then facetimed her to tell her the names of the kids you wanted to name these fantasy children
You projected so hard on to a stranger, of course this is creepy and weird. Its one thing to admit to a crush when you've re-established a friendship and contact, but this is beyond.
avoriamorzine
YTA I’m actually at a loss for words. If someone came up to you, someone you hadn’t seen in years, and started telling you about the names they picked out for your future children, would you not feel AT LEAST slightly uncomfortable? The lack of self-awareness is unreal, this post seems like bait.
Encartrus
How this should have gone:
You: Oh hi! You're Vanessa right, we went to school together.
V: Yep, hey I remember you. We met that one time.
You: How are you doing? Hope all is well.
V: Yeah
You: What are you up to these days?
[brief Small talk about what you are both up to now]
You: Hey, what socials are you on? I'd like to connect back sometime. (IE, low-threat engagement to get to know her as you are now).
V: Sure, my Friendspaceddit name is [x]
You: Cool, maybe we'll catch up sometime! Have a great day!
How it went from anyone's perspective but yours:
You: Oh hi! You're Vanessa right, we went to school together.
V: Yep, hey I remember you. We met that one time.
You: How are you doing? Hope all is well.
V: Yeah
You: LET ME TELL YOU MY SECRET SE$#AL FANTASY WHERE WE GOT TOGETHER FOREVER AND WE HAD KIDS AND YOU WERE MY WIFE AND DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY PERSONAL FEVER DREAM AHAHA.
OK GIVE ME YOUR CELL PHONE SO I CAN KEEP CALLING YOU LIKE A STALKER. OH I REMEMBERED OUR DREAM KID'S NAMES ISN'T THAT SO FUNNY HAHA ANYWAY SO WANNA F*$K AND GET MARRIED?
V: I... gotta go.
You: OK GIVE ME YOUR CELL PHONE I WONT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER HAHA NOW I CAN TALK WITH YOU LIKE THIS ANYTIME HAHA
V: (likely terrified for her life)... leaves as fast as she can to process the nightmare situation that just happened.
It's not great, my dude. Not only are you coming across like a psychopath, but nowhere in your mental calculus did you possibly think about what being approached by a next-to-stranger unexpectedly would be like for her. Nor how your little fever dream would be seen. Nobody wants to know they are the secret sexual fantasy of a random stranger. And, honestly, you are a random stranger at this point.
Edit: Do not engage with her again unless you want a restraining order. The fact you did this at the shop by her job makes it 10,000 times worse. Holy sh*t. She probably thinks you were waiting there for her. And, given that you plan to do that again, she may well be right. YTA.