'AITA for giving my baby the same name as the woman my dad cheated on my mom with?' UPDATED

"AITA for naming my daughter 'after' the woman my dad cheated with?"

Here's the original post:

The year I was born my dad had an affair with a woman named Catalina. It was an affair that lasted arround 3 months and almost broke up my parents marriage. I wasn't aware of the fact till very recently.

I am pregnant and am expecting a girl. Last night when I was talking to my mom she asked me if we had thought of any names. I tell her that I have always wanted to name my daughter Catalina as I think the name is beautiful. My mom is very serious and insists that we can not name her that and to please think of something new.

I said no I love that name and so does bf. My mom breaks down and tells me the story. Now I am conflicted. Because I love that name and I dont want to resign... But I would inflicting emotional damage on my mom. BF tells me mom has to get over it. Because it is our daughter but my aunt tells me that I should think about her and her feelings. I am leaning towards naming my daughter Catalina. AITA???

Edit: The name is so important to us because Catalina was the woman that took me in overseas and Introduced me to bf and died a couple of moths ago.

Edit 2: I think I am ta here. I will talk to both my mom and bf and see if we can settle for Catalina as a middle name

Edit 3: a comment pointed out that my Catalina would not want this. I think they are completely right. I will talk to bf and rather than the middle name we can find like a short name like Cat to give her the essence of the name but not the name that would hurt my mom. Thanks for your help even if some comments were mean spirited.

What do you think? Would she be the a-hole if she doesn't change her baby's name to something other than Catalina? This is what top commenters had to say:

looklikeyoulikeme said:

YTA. I know it's your kid and you can choose any name you wish but do you really want your mom to be reminded of something emotionally painful every time she sees or hears her name?

Hestiansun said:

YTA. Why the heck would you insist on naming your daughter with the same name that reminds your mother of the worst period in her life? Especially when there’s no real reason other than “you like it”?

That’s incredibly selfish of both you and your BF. Your mother will want to cry literally every team she sees your granddaughter. Why do that to BOTH of them? How hard is it to find ANY other name?

actualdisasterbi said:

YTA. I was named after a woman my Dad had been with, while my brother was named after a dude that my Mom had been with. We grew up hating our names because of this, always knowing that every time one parent would say our names, it brought up super unpleasant memories for the other.

Don't inflict that kind of thing on your kid, that you eventually have to explain when she questions why Grandma gets all sad and teary eyed every time she hears the granddaughter's name.

xosomeblonde said:

Okay, here's the thing... I don't think you'd be the asshole for naming your daughter that. BUT, I also think your mother's emotional pain may show through to your daughter, or at the very least add a negative taste every time she says her name... and I feel like doing that to your daughter kinda makes you the asshole.

I'm going to say NAH for now, but honestly, I don't think you should name your daughter that. It's a lot of needless emotional turmoil for your mom, dad, and possibly your daughter if your mother isn't able to fully hide the heartache over the name.

I would try to find something else if you can... there are tons of pretty names out there that won't destroy your poor mother. Though, again, I don't think your an asshole for liking it without knowing.

fourbearants said:

YTA. There are very few situations where I'd say someone should change the name they plan for their baby. This is definitely one of them.

Verdict: YTA. (Editorial note: Surely, there are other names out there, lady!)

She later shared this update:

I had lunch with my mom and showed her this post and your responses. She was horrified by some things you guys said (some of the meaner things like I don't care about my mom and that I am a horrible human being and even one saying my mom will tell my daughter someday the meaning behind her name because she is vindictive.) It was a nice conclusion to the topic.

My mom herself liked the idea of the middle name very much and insisted we keep it as she doenst want to deprive my boyfriend from that choice. And yesterday evening we decided we are going to use my mom's second name as the first name for my daughter (a thing wich brought her to tears).

All in all she doenst want my father's ex affair to have a grip on her life any longer and did indeed decide to take up therapy after her breakdown. So our life's are better than ever. She got the big secret off her shoulders, I will not be attempting to make amends with my father and my mom is giving her happiness a shot. Thanks for all your help guys!