"AITA for naming my daughter the name my SIL wanted?"
I 23f have been married to my husband for 2 years, together since high school. I recently just had a baby. We decided not to tell anyone the name till the baby was born.
My SIL was also pregnant. We both had very similar names in mind. I liked Mary-Grace. My SIL liked the names Mary-Kay. My SIL did choose the name first, but our names weren’t identical. SIL still insisted I didn’t use Mary-Grace still.
We did anyway and when I announced My SIL called us and had a cow. She said we disrespected her knowing she picked the name first and now she has to choose a new baby name on such short notice. We reminded SIL that the names aren’t identical and there is no reason to change, but she just got upset and hung up.
My MIL soon called us later backing up SIL saying how childish we acted keeping it a secret so we could get our way, and SIL wanted to use that name after her grandmother. They are all pretty upset with us. AITA?
People pounced on this one with judgment and personal stories of sharing a namesake.
YTA because you knew this damn well what the reaction would be and that's why you kept your baby's name secret. No, the names aren't identical, but you still deliberately caused family drama where there didn't need to be any.
Why, knowing that your SIL wanted to name her child after her grandmother and most likely wouldn't if you used a very similar name, did you insist on this particular name? Are you typically someone who stirs up drama on purpose or was there another reason?
My cousin and I were born one year apart. My BD is 3/31, and hers is 3/30. We both share a first name and have different middle names. Our family calls us by our first and middle names, and we love it. I feel like it made us have a tighter bond.
As a grown woman who was given the name my mom “stole” from her SIL, I can tell you. It is awkward as f*ck. Everybody knew my cousin was going to have this name, baby shower with monogrammed items and everything (1980’s).
I was born a month early, and my mom gave me that name only with a slightly different spelling. My mom wasn’t so much “shunned” by my dad’s side, but they definitely had a WTF moment with her.
We have a lot of cousins, and our cousins even have to actually say our first and last names to not get us confused. As an adult, I changed my name to a nickname I preferred. If I had to hear one more time, “ well you were born first, I got first dibs on the name.” It sucks. YTA
ESH. Those names are terrible. Why do you both hate your daughters?
Ugh. As someone who has a cousin a few years younger (my dads sisters daughter) with the same first name but different middle names I can tell you it SUCKS. I hated it so much. My parents were also upset that they chose the same first name as their child. Who was born years earlier.
YTA. You act like the names are different but honestly outside of the family they are just gonna be called Mary. Hardly anyone is going to call them the full name.
My mother died very suddenly and tragically when I was young and my uncle, her twin brother, made it known that he would name any future daughter of his after her. My narcissistic aunt, with whom my mother never got along, immediately got knocked up, had a girl, and named her after my mom.
Several years later, my uncle had his daughter and named her for my mom, too. Families are stupid sometimes.
YTA. You knew you were using a name that not only did your SIL pick first, but she was also using to honor her grandmother? You're telling me you had to choose the only name being used as a memorial? No, the name isn't the exact same, but it's similar enough.
You knew this would make her upset and cause a problem. Seems like you kept it a secret so you could use it first.
NTA, even if they were the same name you have a right to name your child whatever you desire. I would ignore them and move on enjoying your new babe!
"SIL still insisted I didn’t use Mary-Grace still. We did anyways and when I announced My SIL called us and had a cow."
INFO: If you kept the name secret, why did SIL insist you didn't use the name before your announcement? She wouldn't have known.
RoseyBud2 OP:
Bc I told her originally about my idea
Then YTA. You should have told her straight up you were going to use the name regardless to give her time to pick a new name & you know the reason you didn’t is because it was a shitty thing to do.