Woman's bestie says husband chose their baby's name because he isn't over her. AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband's best friend we will not be changing our baby's name?"
Plane_Muffin_4808
I 21F recently found out I was pregnant with my second son. I am about 10 weeks along (found out with genetic testing). We already know what name we are going to use because I have loved the name since I was 14.
Our first son has the name that my husband 25M has always loved. Anyways, my husband's best friend 25F is around 20 weeks pregnant, also with her second boy. She announced the name she was going to use.
We weren't shocked because it is pretty popular, but we kind of chuckled and said "I guess our kids are going to have the same name". My husband and I do not have an issue with our kids having the same name, but she just about lost her mind that we were using the same name.
She told us we were copying her, my husband was still in love with her and that's why he wanted to use it (they dated briefly for like 2 months before he even knew me, broke up because she found out she was 6 months pregnant with her ex).
I told her I have loved the name since I was 14 and I would not be changing it just because she announced her child's name first. I also told her I didn't appreciate the accusations and it wasn't a big deal we both liked the same name.
She has berated us trying to get us to change our son's name ever since we told her. We told her we are set on it and would not be changing it, and if she continued to harass us we would cut contact with her.
She continued and we cut contact. I feel bad because my husband doesn't have many friends and she was the one he would talk to the most, but we did give her fair warning. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Northern_Loiterer
First I just want to say - woman to woman. I am in my mid 30s, you being okay with him being close to another woman, no matter the past relationship, is amazing. It shows your emotional maturity and confidence, I wish I was more like this in my early 20s but I had to mature and learn life lessons.
I hope that means something to you even just a tiny bit. More women need to realize that their partners are their partners, not somebody to control and manipulate to fit them.
NTA. Not at all. This friend of yours sounds like she still has some maturing to do. It may take years. It's different for a lot of people. Just because you hit an "adult" age doesn't mean you're a true adult. That's why I tend to call early 20's as young adults. She sounds like she would fit that description well.
ljgyver
I would guess your husband may have mentioned the name to her in conversation and she grabbed it.
fckinsleepless
NTA, sounds like she really wasn’t that great of a friend anyway if she thought those things about him. I’d frankly be concerned if he wanted to continue the friendship after that.
tatersprout
NTA. Nobody owns a name.
If the name is popular, be prepared for school where many kids will have that name too.
Ordinary-Meeting-701
NTA for the reasons everyone else has mentioned.
Unrelated, your husband’s BEST friend is a woman he dated briefly before she went back to her ex, by whom she was pregnant? Wtf?
Expensive-Pension686
NTA People like her seem really self obsessed. If it's a nice name, they're going to meet many people with the same name during their life. I named my son the same as my friend's son. I didn't ask her about it, but I did tell her when we decided.
But it was more a "You chose the most beautiful boy's name, and we've decided we want our son to be called the same" So basically a compliment on their good taste :)
mifflewhat
NTA. It's not impossible for people with the same name to be friends. Even if they have a fairly uncommon name, like Corey Feldman and Corey Haim.
Useful-Percentage-42
NTA- two of my friends have the same name and its never been an issue. They are very close and just find it funny so we just use different nicknames for each. I have a common name and knew a few people over the years with it, and its never bothered me. Been friends with another person with my name too and it's not ever been bothersome.
And bottom line is nobody owns a name! Especially if it's a common name both of your kids will encounter many other kids with the name and might end up friends with them too. It sounds like she's not a very good friend to you, especially accusing your husband of still having feelings for her.
I'm not even sure where she drew that conclusion because your husband would have to be one sick man to try to name his child with you the same name as his exes son just to feel closer to her. Also side note, if she absolutely loved the name so much why didn't she give her elder son the name?
EwWhyAmIOnReddit
I hate when people think they can gatekeep baby names. Sometimes they think they can do it years in advance?!? Like my wife is pregnant now, but you have a list of 10 names you want to reserve?
Super NTA.
BeardManMichael
NTA. This friend found out that nobody has a monopoly on baby names. Thinking anything other than that is sheer lunacy. It was smart of you to cut contact. It's also okay to feel bad after the fact. A good friend would not have reacted in the way that she did. It sucked that you had to find out that she was a bad friend but now you know.