Here's the original post:
This literally just happened about 30min ago so I'm still pretty angry, this might be a rambling mess. So I'm 30F and 6 months pregnant. Today was supposed to be my baby shower but I ended up leaving.
Backstory is, when I found I was pregnant my ex, call him S (32M) took it really hard but after a lot of talking we agreed to proceed with the pregnancy. It pretty much ruined our relationship though and brought out a really ugly side in him. It caused me to develop prenatal depression and anxiety which I'm getting treated for now.
We fought a lot leading up to my diagnosis due to my lack of being, I don't know, lively? Happy? Anyways, the day I was diagnosed and I explained it all to him his response was "I get that's hard but you haven't been supportive of me so I need you to figure out how to do that". That was the last straw and I broke things off.
He's still been involved with the pregnancy, driving me to appointments etc but every week it's something new with him. Some new worry, some new drama that I have to deal with and I can barely focus on myself.
Now onto the baby shower. I was really excited and looking forward to it because it was finally a chance to celebrate being pregnant, focus on myself and not worry about the bs. Looking forward to it got me through a lot of hard days! My best friend (30F) put a ton of work into it and I was super pumped. It was being hosted at my mom's (56F) because she has a huge backyard.
I showed up this morning and started to help set up when my mom comes over and informs me she's invited S. She claims he reached out and told her he was sad I didn't want to include him so she extended the invite. I was super mad when she told me this. She knows everything S put me through and I told her she needs to call him and tell him not to come or I would leave. Plain and simple.
Well sure enough he showed up just after everyone else arrived and I saw red. I burst into tears and locked myself in the bathroom for a bit till I could calm down enough to drive myself home. After I left my best friend called and said she understands but everyone else is super angry.
My phone is blowing up from my mom, S and my family saying I embarrassed everyone and I could have just sucked it up for a few hours? All I wanted was a day to myself but now I'm thinking I might be the AH for 1) Not including him originally and 2) making a huge scene. So Reddit, AITA for walking out and making the scene?
Edit 1: spoke to my mother and some new info came to light. He was messaging my family and her telling them I was ignoring him and not allowing him near me and saying I was taking the baby away. Everyone assumed that was truth. Going to be setting the record straight very shortly and very publicly.
Edit 2: Some things first. My mom, now knows the full story feels TERRIBLE. I'm a private person so I don't share details about my life very often so I'm partially to blame for her not understanding why his presence was so unwanted.
He straight up lied to her though so have some grace when discussing her. This woman is wonderful and has offered multiple to let me live in the basement apartment of her house rent free with the baby if I need to. She's naive but wonderful.
Now after I explained to my mom how she was wrong and how she hurt and her apologizing and owning it, she agreed to help me. I started a WhatsApp group with everyone from the shower and my ex. I shared multiple screenshots of times he's been combative, manipulating and when he's refused to help with baby things.
Proving that he lies to everyone! He's at work and hasn't read the messages so it's been a few hours of people coming to terms with this.
NTA. Your baby shower is supposed to be about celebrating your impending motherhood, not about "suck[ing] it up for a few hours".
NTA. Your mom should’ve supported you and not your ex. She should’ve asked you before inviting him. This is on her, not you
NTA - This sounds like she's trying to manipulate you two back together for the sake of the kid. She's not asking you to suck it up "for a few hours", she's asking you to suck it up for possibly the rest of your life. Maybe she means well but ambushing you like this was not the way to go about it.
And [deleted] said:
NTA. Oh, “everyone” was “embarrassed” because the guest of honor walked out of the event? Maybe they should take a look at why you walked out and ask that person to leave instead. Because if you’re supposed to just “suck it up” so everyone else can pretend you and S are on good terms, what exactly is the incentive for you to stick around?
All that said, this thing with trying to make some kind of place for S in your life clearly isn’t working. Find another option for getting to your appointments, and talk with a lawyer about what custody is going to look like.
You may need to still deal with him in terms of handoffs and questions relating to the baby, but you can at least keep it limited to that instead of getting sucked into all the drama.
Hey all! S finally read the WhatsApp thread and called me. Instead of telling, he sobbed. It was a tad pathetic. He said he feels like he's not important and no one cares about him during my pregnancy and how hard it's going to be for him to give up his life.
After some talking I told him to just walk away. I don't want someone in my life or my baby's life who is so self centered. Its sad. He got mad at that and hung up on me.
My family, a lot of apologies were made but some held their ground. These were older fringe relatives who wholeheartedly believe that I should have married S the minute I got pregnant. They won't be too present in my life moving forward. It is what it is.
My mom still won't stop apologizing and while she thought she was doing the right thing at the time, I think she understands how wrong she was. She promised not to talk to S unless there was an emergency which the baby was involved.
My best friend came over with the gifts and allowed me to open them! It was so fun. We had tea, read the Reddit thread (laughed at some of the extreme messages) and ordered Vietnamese food. My cat had fun playing with new toys that I'm sure he won't be happy to share in 3 months. For now I'll be living that sweet single parent life!