Woman finds out her friends are avoiding her because they can't stand her baby. AITA?
"AITA for telling my friend her baby is the reason no one wants her around?"
Top-Context3526
One of my (F24) friends, Anna (F24) had a baby around 6 months back. Our friend group is otherwise childless. All of us used to hang out a lot before the baby was born. The baby changed dynamics because Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her and it's a baby. We tried to plan things around baby to include Anna but it always ended up badly.
We shouldn't drink, because Anna can't drink. We shouldn't be loud because the baby needs to sleep. The icing on the cake is that her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby.
Last weekend, all of us went on a staycation. We had a great time and posted photos and videos on instagram. Anna saw these and called me to ask why I did not ask her to come with. I tried telling her it was a last minute plan and we could only find a childfree resort so we didn't tell her as to not hurt her feelings.
She called my bluff, sending me pics that some random family had posted with kids at the resort. She kept forcing me and I told her we did not want to hang out with her baby. She asked how can I say that about her baby.
I asked her to leave it at that but she wouldn't. I finally told her it's a baby and we are all young. We don't want to live our life around a baby she chose to have. I told her that we want to do adult stuff and party all we wanted. Her baby is the only reason she wasn't invited. If she left baby at home she could come, too.
She got p*ssed off at me and called me an AH. She also sent a text in a group chat saying she is disappointed in all of us for excluding her just because she is a mom.
Before people ask, we have tried to communicate to her about adult only events before instead of openly saying don't come if you're bringing your baby. She refuses to leave her baby with her boyfriend or a babysitter. Even when we say an event is adults only, like a dinner we had a few weeks ago, she still brought her baby. The baby cried throughout the entire night earning us glares and we had to leave early.
Half of our friendgroup thinks I should not have told her the real reason and is mad at me. Other half thinks she is unreasonable. AITA for telling her the truth?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
ed_lv
NTA. You tried to let her down easy, and she kept on asking. Her life is different, and she probably just needs to find a different set of friends, one that more closely aligns with her interests.
stinstin555
Agreed. NTA. Here’s the cold hard truth a baby 🍼🍼🍼changes your life. The things you used to do you can no longer do. Your friend misses her pre-baby life which is why she wants to be included in all of your hangouts.While this may be cool some of the time it is not cool all the time.
Your friends lifestyle has now changed but her trying to force those changes on you?! Yea, NOPE. Your friends choice to have a baby has impacted her social life but she cannot and should not impose those changes on you.
As a friend suggest she finds some Mommy groups. She will meet Moms that she can relate to in a way that you and your friend group cannot. Also if you all want to maintain the friendship perhaps have one baby friendly get together every month or every other month or perhaps ask her if a family member can babysit every so often so she can meet you guys for brunch or dinner.
She chose to have a baby and that baby is now her responsibility. It is an unfair and entitled expectation that her friends need to tailor their behavior for her kid. Life does not work like that. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
knitlikeaboss
NTA. You’re not excluding her because she’s a mom. You’re excluding her because she makes being a mom everyone else’s problem — she won’t leave the baby home (does it have a father present? Grandparents? Anyone who can watch it for a few hours?), she expects you to cater to her needs (you shouldn’t have to not drink just because she can’t.)
It sounds like she doesn’t remove the baby from the situation when it’s fussy so you all have to deal with it. You have every right to want to be young and act like it. She needs to accept that having a baby has changed things for her but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to change everything to accommodate that.
AryaStark1313
NTA for being honest. She needs to find other parents to hang out with now, or figure out childcare, if she wants to keep hanging out with her partying friends. She should have realized this would happen before deciding to give birth. Did she really think nothing would change when she became a mother?
CatchMeIfYouCan09
I have 2...I get it... And no they don't go with me; actually I have both registered at 4 different dropin daycare around my city so if one is at capacity I can drop em off at another for last min plans. And I always ask "kid friendly" No? OK cool, can't get a sitter tonight ill see ya'll at the next event. NTA.