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Man finds out pregnant wife lied about baby being a boy; angrily clears out nursery.

Man finds out pregnant wife lied about baby being a boy; angrily clears out nursery.


A lot of big feelings come up when a couple is expecting a child. Memories from their own childhoods, deep-seated insecurities, and idealistic hopes for the future all mashed up into a confusing ball of emotion.

During this time of excited waiting, it's common for couples to butt heads and face bumps in the road.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for breaking down when he realized his wife lied about the baby's gender.

He wrote:

AITA for overreacting after my wife lied about our baby’s gender?

I (32M) and my wife (25F) are expecting our first child. I've reacted in ways I'm now questioning and need outside perspective. Background: My childhood was a tumultuous one. Growing up, I always craved a strong male figure in my life. I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son. My wife was aware of this deep-rooted desire.

During her first pregnancy appointments, I was on an essential business trip. These trips, though draining, are critical since I'm the only breadwinner, trying to ensure a different life for my child than I had. In my absence, my wife and her adopted mother attended the check-ups. Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy.

We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, even naming him after my late grandfather. However, a chance remark from her mother disclosed we're having a girl. My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn't tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings. I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals.

In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn't welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit. I acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas. I love my wife and regret my reactions, but I feel lost. AITA for how I responded?

Commenters were quick to share their thoughts.

ThoroughlyGray wrote:

ESH. I cannot imagine why she thought it would be less painful for you to think you were having a boy and then disappoint you later. Getting your hopes up accomplishes nothing. That said…you very much did overreact in clearing out the nursery and disinviting her mother from coming over.

This reaction is crazy and you're talking about this pain and devastation surrounding having a girl is probably the reason she was afraid to tell you. Because she probably wants to be excited about this child and didn’t want to deal with you acting like it’s something devastating that it’s a girl.

Also, you are projecting wayyyy too much on an unborn child. What if you did have a boy, but he wasn’t as interested in this intense father-son relationship that you are craving? Can any real life father-son relationship actually even live up to the one in your head that is supposed to heal your past wounds?

Your kids are real people, don’t set them up for failure by having all these weird expectations for how they will better your existing traumas.

Fennicular wrote:

Why would you pack up the nursery? You're still having a baby. That baby will still need all the things in that nursery. Maybe this is a good chance for you to reconsider your attitudes to sex and gender - because, spoiler alert, the baby doesn't care what colour their clothes and blankets are.

Aggressive_Mall_1229 wrote:

I was on your side until I read comments about how you'd have been a little sad to have a girl. Gross. YTA for creating an environment that made your wife lie to avoid dealing with your reaction.

CrazyChickenLady223 wrote:

Children aren’t emotional support animals. I’m guessing your wife lied because she was scared of your reaction and also wanted to save HER feelings because she knew you’d become a huge bummer once you found out. You need therapy immediately to deal with your issue.

ANY healthy baby that is delivered earth-side is a miracle- no matter the gender. My husband and I have tried for the past 7 years to get pregnant and I’ve had 5 miscarriages. Remember just how lucky you are that your wife is pregnant and (assumably) carrying a healthy child. YTA.

MrsWeasley9 wrote:

ESH. Your wife allowed you to develop a bond with a child who doesn't exist. AH and just really stupid. How long did she think she was going to protect your feelings for? But you seem to have an extreme preference for a boy, not to mention some pretty unrealistic expectations about what a baby can do for you, which makes you a bit of an AH yourself.

While the answers are hovering between ESH and YTA, what's unanimous is that both OP and his wife need to have some serious therapy and talks so they don't put chaos onto their child.

Sources: Reddit
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