Is there anything more fun than getting into a stand-off argument with your parents about the logistics of a visit? There's nothing quite like a phone conversation with even more stressful sequels to get you revved up to see the family.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for refusing to fly with her baby in order to visit her parents. She wrote:
Long story short, my parents hate my husband. But because I am their child, they accepted him “for my happiness.” Context, my mom was fine with him until my dad found out (I told my mom first). It’s not like he’s a bad person. My parents just had someone else in mind. Anyways, my parents moved back to where we’re from while I stayed and I eventually met my husband.
We’ve been dating since 19 and we kept our relationship secret from from my parents for years until he proposed to me. Now I just gave birth to our first child and obviously, my parents want to meet him. The thing is, they live nowhere near North America and the flight would be miserable. I hate flying in general but with a baby? I get anxious thinking about it.
I’ve put it off for a long time and even asked my parents if they could fly over (we’d pay for everything) but they said it was disrespectful for me to even ask. I’ve been stuck in a thing of “fine, we’ll come” and “no I can’t do this” and it’s affecting my whole life.
My mom calls me twice a day just to remind me that I have to come and that she wants to see her grandbaby before he gets too big but I finally came to the conclusion that I can’t. He’s a fussy baby and needs to be held by me a lot. He lets his dad hold him for a couple hours but then he won’t stop crying till I hold him. I can’t do that on a plane.
And I’m terrified of the reaction we might get since he does make a lot of noise. If it was a smaller flight I could make do but it would be over 10 hours. I’m exhausted just thinking about it and then I have to deal with my parents and their passive-aggressive comments right after. I called my mom and told her that we won’t be coming.
She got very angry and kept ranting about my husband keeping us away from them. She eventually said “forget it, we don’t want to see his child. Don’t call us again.”
My aunt (who I don’t talk to) said that she’s very upset with me and my mom has been so excited to see the baby but we crushed her.
Apparently, dad doesn’t want to see the baby but mom really does (but she refuses to travel without him) which is why she’s been pushing me so hard. I feel bad because I know how much my mom adores babies and I get she’s in a tough spot but I can’t fly for over 10 hours with a 4-month-old. AITA?
Ok. This seems like an impasse. It sounds like you have the funds to make this happen either of two ways. If you can afford to fly them here, and they don’t wanna come, buy a business class ticket, bring your baby to them. I’m not a fan of babies in Business class. But is will well worth the price, stay a short time, return home, and then the onus is on them.
Just my thoughts, it’s a nightmare to fly period. And your reasons are perfectly legitimate. If you have the means, make that effort. It will go a long way to have some sleep on the plane, if your child is screaming and crying, walk back to coach. Paying for two coach seats for your parents is probably more than business class for you. Make a con session, then, the ball is in their court.
NTA, unless there’s something you’ve left out its clearly easier for them to travel without a baby and you’ve even offered to foot the bill.
NTA. Love how your mom is trying to say your husband is keeping you from them. No, it's a ten-hour flight with a fussy infant, flu/cold season, COVID is still a thing, lots of things come in to play before the husband.
I understand your mom feeling upset but she is going WAY too overboard with it, gaslighting and being pretty manipulative. I don't blame you for not wanting to make a 10+ hour trek with a four-month-old.
NTA. I hate the whole thing the older generation (I'm generalizing here) have about how kids owe their parents and it's the kids' responsibility to go and see the parents etc, so disgusting. My FIL and my own father are similar. They think WE should come to THEM because they're the parents and therefore deserve more respect or something ridiculous like that.
Anyway OP, you've mentioned some other very concerning things in your comments and I would absolutely not take your baby to your parents' country at any cost. They can video call or come and visit themselves, hold your boundaries.
NTA. Your son isn’t ready for an airplane and thank you for having compassion for your fellow travelers by not risking putting everyone through a miserable flight. If your Mom really wanted to see your son she would travel without your father and come for a visit.
Also, and I don’t know what your home country is like, I’d be leery of traveling to them if it’s just you and your son. If they don’t like your husband I wouldn’t put it past them to cause passports to disappear in hopes of forcing you to stay so they can find you a husband they approve of.
OP is NTA here, it just sounds like they're at a true impasse with their logistics and with their relationship.