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Mom backs out of babysitting after finding out 'friend' left her out of girl's day plans.

Mom backs out of babysitting after finding out 'friend' left her out of girl's day plans.


Few things feel more like a trap than someone asking if you're free, only to bombard you with a massive request. The leading question 'are you free __day' is often assumed to be a precursor for a fun invitation, not a massive errand or favor. And yet, some people love to bait and switch others into favors.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for backing out of babysitting at the last minute after she got tricked into it by a 'friend.'

She wrote:

AITA for backing out of babysitting a friend’s kids at the last minute?

I feel like I can admit that I am one of TAs in this situation but I guess I want to know if it’s justified or not? So a week ago, I got a phone call from someone I would consider a friend. We’re not super close, but we’re friendly, and get together with the same group of friends a lot.

She called and said that her kids were talking about how much fun they have with mine, and wanted to know if we were free this coming Saturday (a week and a half away, at the time). My kids really do like her kids, and I want to be better friends with her as well, so I said sure! She was relieved, and said her husband would be out of town and she needed a babysitter from 8 AM to 10PM.

I felt like it was a major bait and switch, because I thought she wanted to do something all together, but I felt bad backing out when I had already told her I was completely free that day. I should have said something right then, but I didn’t. Well yesterday, I ran into a friend of mine and she asked if I was excited for Saturday.

I thought that was weird, because no, I’m not excited to babysit someone else’s kids for 14 hours. But I said my kids were definitely excited. She said “oh good! Is your husband taking them to do something fun? Or who is watching them?” To which I made a face and responded that I was watching them, and then she was the one who was confused, and said “so you’re not coming?”

Well, last week I didn’t go to the end-of-year PTA meeting because I had just started my period and I felt crummy and didn’t want to go. I guess after the fact, some friends went out to lunch. They decided to plan a big girl's day to relax before the kids are back home all day for the summer.

Going to the city, shopping, pedicures, eating at nice restaurants, etc., and when it was brought up that I would probably love to go too, this “friend” said she needed to talk to me about some PTA stuff I missed so she would tell me about it when she called me. But instead, she decided to use me as her babysitter.

So I called the “friend” and told her I wasn’t aware of the girl's day at the time, and that I wouldn’t be able to watch her kids after all. She asked if my husband could watch her kids too, which was a NO.

She started crying that she really needed this, and what would she do now since her husband won’t be home and it’s too late to find someone willing to watch 5 kids for 14 hours (with no pay) and then once the tears weren’t working, she just got angry. She said it was rude to back out of a commitment just so I could selfishly do something fun, and how I’m an awful friend.

My friends are all feeling super uncomfortable with the whole thing. We’re all typically a very happy, drama-free friend group, so I know no one wants to take sides, and now I’m wondering if I even go at all. So AITA for backing out of watching her kids when I committed to it already?

Redditors quickly jumped on the post to share their thoughts.

Unable_Ad5655 wrote:

NTA! Your 'friend' intentionally misled you to trick you into babysitting free of 14 hours. Your 'friend' INTENTIONALLY lied to your other friends so you would not know about the planned activities. Your 'friend' is not a friend. You owe her nothing! Go enjoy the day's fun. You have done nothing wrong!

StrangledInMoonlight wrote:

NTA The friends should be taking sides. This lady lied to them and tricked OP. That’s shady behavior. It’s user behavior. I’d be sitting the other ladies down and saying “you realize she lied to you right? And then left me out of the group activity? And tricked me? And y’all are ok with this? You are fine with someone treating me that way? Will you be down when she starts treating you that way?”

Unable_Ad5655 wrote:

'She said it was rude to back out of a commitment just so I could selfishly do something fun, and how I’m an awful friend.' She has the GALL to say that after tricking you into babysitting her 5 kids for free so she could go do something fun! The hutzpah! NTA!

capmanor1755 wrote:

Go on the outing. Stay cheerful and light when asked about her. If anyone presses acknowledge that it was a little awkward that she asked you to babysit rather than passing on the invite like she said she would but that you're glad it got sorted out and you wish her the best, bless her heart. NTA.

Yu-sempai had a comment about OP's friend group:

NTA and I’m judging your friends who refuse to take a side. I would press them. “So you guys think it’s alright to exclude me since she needed a babysitter?”

And OP responded:

This has been the most hurtful part of it all. So we’re not the type of friend group that gets together all the time and live at each other’s houses or anything. We get together for birthdays every once in a while or after a meeting like this day. But I’ve known most of them since I’ve lived here for over a decade, so I thought we had some substance to our relationships...but no one is acting like it was super absurd.

I’m honestly wondering if I even want to go at this point. Before writing the post I was just angry and annoyed at this one person...but after reading comments and thinking about it, I’m just kind of sad that no one really cared. By the way, I’m definitely NOT saying I’ll stay and watch her kids.. but maybe just spend the day doing something for myself.

OP is absolutely NTA, but hopefully, she can get some clarity with the rest of the friend group.

Sources: Reddit
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