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Couple brings nanny on vacation, she asks for night off for date, they say no, fight ensues.

Couple brings nanny on vacation, she asks for night off for date, they say no, fight ensues.


When in doubt, write it out and let the internet weigh in with their hammer of judgment.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for not letting the nanny go on a date during vacation. He wrote:

"AITA for not letting our nanny leave for a date during our vacation?"

My wife and I had our first child last year and it's been quite an intense few months. My wife has been on an extended 'maternity leave' but on top of that, we've also hired a nanny/maid to assist us with the baby as well as keep the house in order. She stays in our guest house. To celebrate our anniversary I planned for us to take a trip by ourselves just to reconnect and give her some proper time away from our son.

She was excited about leaving but was slightly concerned about leaving our son behind (her mother was going to come down and babysit with the nanny). Trying to ease things I asked the nanny if she'd be willing to come along with us on our trip and take care of the baby - stressing that this was supposed to be our couple vacation so most of the childcare will be hers and more than usual.

She jumped at the idea and so I also arranged her ticket and accommodation (to be clear she was also paid extra for the 'overtime'). The trip was a week long and our arrangement was going quite well at first. My wife was relaxed, we reconnected and our son was close by for whenever we missed him. We would take our son and give her a break either in the mornings or afternoons.

On our last day, she asked if we could take the night shift as she'd met someone who'd asked her on a date. Besides that going against our arrangement (the point was to give us a break from the sleepless nights), I'd already paid and planned an intimate date on the beach with my wife for our last night.

It became a bit of an issue with her trying to guilt my wife and saying we were being unfair but by the end of it, we didn't give in and she looked after the kid. Upon returning my wife heard her on the phone saying that she was thinking of quitting over all of this and that we were blocking her future so here we are.

Wife thinks we made a mistake, I don't disagree that it might've been AHolish but ultimately it was our arrangement and she was paid extra for it. Are we the AHs?

Redditors jumped on with their thoughts.

thirdtryisthecharm wrote:


It's a week-long vacation. What day(s) does she get off? Or how are you compensating her for working 7 days a week? You are parents 24/7. She is only a nanny for the hours you pay for.

You needed to specifically negotiate what hours you are paying for here in advance, not just expect her to be available, and I'm unclear if that happened.

tiny-pest wrote:

YTA. Don't care how much extra you paid. You told her more childcare. A few hours off a day is not more childcare. That's abuse.

She had a right to ask for a night off. Nanny or not to expect someone to pretty much take over 24/7 when they are not the parent is insane. She is a nanny and has no kids. You needed a break even with a nanny, but yet expected her to handle it all. So it was your vacation. You invited her to watch your child but gave her no chance to do anything. So you paid her accommodation and ticket.

Well, you should have as it was you paying her a job. That's not an extra. That's common sense. To be upset she wanted one night to enjoy after a week of not getting to decide when she could take a break if she needed one and then only a few hours which means not getting to leave or sight-see or anything because who knew when you would decide when she was back on duty is insane.

Let me put it this way. Unless you explicitly told her. You have a few hours off a day. That she didn't get to decide what time she had off.

That she wouldn't get a day or even afternoon or evening off. Unless you told her that. Unless the extra you paid her for was hourly, then that's abusing the contract for any childcare. That's taking advantage of someone who sounds young, not understanding, and able to grasp what you meant and how hard it would be.

That's you showing as the person paying her for that not only are you not understanding but not saying in no uncertain terms what is expected. Of course, she wants to quit. You have proven that you can't be trusted to make sure as the one in charge that she is fully informed to be fully able to make a decision so why would she think it wouldn't happen again.

DogDisguisedAsPeople wrote:

YTA - unless you paid her 8hrs a day at 1x and 16hrs a day at 1.5 (so 4x her normal “day rate”) you grossly underpaid her. You yourself said you only paid her 2x.

She deserves to fire you as her client, you’re a terrible boss!

Fit_Squirrel_4604 wrote:

So you made her stay up all night with your kid and gave her a few hours off in the morning or afternoon? When was she sleeping?

whenitrainsitpours4 wrote:

Talk about some first-world problems. Yes, YTA for not allowing your Nanny an evening off. She's an employee, not your slave. If you don't want to be responsible for taking care of your own kid on any sort of regular basis, then hire a rotating staff of nannies instead of expecting one nanny to devote 23 hours of her day.

Clearly, OP and his wife are TAs in this situation.

Sources: Reddit
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