Brother called 'selfish' for refusing to be part of 'team' helping sister with newborns.
We've all heard the saying 'it takes a village to raise a child.'
While it all sounds good and well, the village has to be able and willing to help raise a kid, and in our current burned out fast-paced economy, that many available helpers is hard to come by. If you're one of the villagers asked to help, it can be awkward to say no when you really don't have the time or means.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for not wanting to be part of the team of people caring for his sister's babies.
He wrote:
AITA because I don't want to be in an army of people who will help care for my sister's babies?
My sister and her husband were wanting children. They were unsuccessful for years. Then the doctors told them my sister would probably not be able to conceive and if she did it would be dangerous for her and the baby if she carried. They could not get any assistance from doctors here because my sister never passed the required tests.
But they found a doctor in America who would help them. It cost a lot but they did go see that doctor twice and my sister got pregnant the 2nd time. She had multiple babies. Not just twins but multiples. The babies were born early because of my sister's problems and her and the babies are not home yet.
But when they do go home, they are asking for help because they can't care for the babies alone. My sister can't do anything on her own because she is recovering. They want money. They want people to help them. They want people to take shifts staying with them to care for the babies.
They are trying to get people, even strangers. to give them things they need for the babies. I know they are already in a lot of debt from the doctor who helped them. They are trying to apply for help from the government but it's not enough. They can't afford to pay anyone who helps them. My sister is also not working anymore.
We also do not know yet if any of the babies will have any problems because of the early birth or if my sister will. I never said I would never help. But I am not rich and I do not want to give them money. Plus I do not want to spend all my free time in their army of people caring for the babies.
I said I'll come over for an hour or two sometimes to help with the babies or I will come over and do one single chore like laundry. But this is not enough and my sister and her husband got angry. They say an hour isn't enough. There are others trying to convince me as well. Lots of people from both families and all kinds of other are saying they will help.
They all say I'm selfish or a horrible brother for not wanting to be in the army of people who help and spend hours or overnights there. I just don't want to give up my whole life and my money.
The internet had a lot of strong thoughts on this.
cocoroheart wrote:
NTA. Their children are not your responsibility!!! Your sister and her husband made the decision to have children, not you.
Quiet_Nerd_2148 wrote:
NTA. They knew their financial and health situation going into this, and still paid a lot of money to an American doctor to help them conceive. I understand your sister is not yet well enough to take care of the babies alone, but it sounds like they’ve got a lot of people willing to help.
You’re also willing to help, just on a smaller scale than what they’re asking, and you’ve been upfront about that. Don’t let them guilt you into doing more than you’re prepared to do.
Time-Scene7603 wrote:
People are not meant to have litters. They can GoFundMe their way into nanny bliss. NTA. None of this is on you.
Phil_Achio wrote:
NTA, they could have 1 or 13 children, it's never something you have to do, you can choose to help and they should be grateful for the help you or anyone can offer. There is no reason people should be expected to do anything.
OP is certainly NTA here, it just sounds like an overwhelming situation all around, and like their sister and brother-in-law are being a bit entitled towards her.