Teen refuses to babysit BF's younger siblings while his mom gives birth; his mom freaks out.

"AITA for refusing to babysit my BF's sister?"

I (19f) have been dating my bf, Jake, (19m) for almost a year now, we have lived together for a while as well due to circumstances, Jake's mom (Vicky 37ish f) has 8 other kids aged between 10 months and 16yrs with one more on the way but they live in a 4 bedroom house. So there isn't much space. Me and my jake live in a 3 bed rental a 5 minute drive away.

Vicky asked me if me and Jake would mind if the younger kids came and stayed with us for a few weeks after the baby is born so they don't have to worry about the other kids. I said no, I don't want to be responsible for them as we looked after two of them for a few days when they went on holiday and had to spend our own money on the kids, for food, and all of that.

Vicky was insistent, telling us we had enough space and wanted the 2, 3, 5, and 7-year-olds to stay with us, saying the reason they waited for the next kid was for me and Jake to move so that they could spend more time with the baby.

Then she asked us if we would at least come stay with them on their sofa for a few weeks as we used to live on the sofa, and just prepare meals and make sure the younger ones are cared for.

Jake now feels guilty because he knows his parents are overwhelmed, but personally I don't think they should be having any more kids as they don't have space, but I am not going to stop them, but I feel like its immoral to enable them. However, I feel like I might be the AH, if the kids don't stay with us they wont be looked after properly.

People responded with all of the the thoughts.

bw2082 wrote:

NTA. The new baby doesn't just turn itself off after a few weeks. The parents need to get used to the new reality of having 5 kids that they can't afford. Get them some birth control.

OP responded:

Theres 9 plus the one that;s due soon :/

Fearless_Spring5611 wrote:

NTA. Not your kids, not your problem. Where's the other parent(s) in all of this?

OP responded:

He was just watching, he knew and agrees with his wife.

AngeloPappas wrote:

NTA - Why on earth are these people having more children if they can't handle the ones they already have? This is in no way your responsibility and what she is asking is totally unreasonable. Maybe looking after the kids for a day or two would be one thing, but weeks?? Jake needs to distance himself and create boundaries here.

NoSurprise82 wrote:

NTA. His parents have an atrocious sense of entitlement. To the point they actually PLANNED having another child (that they can't look after properly), hoping to palm off responsibility (for the other kids) onto you (!?!)

It's not even like they asked you first, if you would be willing to help (before getting pregnant). That's because they knew you'd likely say no. Instead, they deliberately planned on trying to guilt you into this, once it actually happened. And it seems they know Jake well - since he does, in fact, feel guilty. It would be unacceptable to expect you to care for one child of any age, without full prior permission.

It's beyond a joke, they want you to look after several very small children - at such a young age, yourself. That is a crazy amount of work to expect from you. It would take up every spare minute you have. Plus, those kids would be traumatised by being separated from their parents.

I'm embarrassed for them, that they are so shameless. And you can be sure, it won't even be for a 'few' weeks. It will be for far more, once they're there. I'm not sure how they expect things to suddenly change, looking after so many littles (including baby) after just a few weeks. Babies don't suddenly stop being so demanding, a few weeks in.

Insist on the answer being no. Give in now, expect constant childcare guilting forever more. This was all planned, and it is their problem. If they neglect their kids, report them to social services. Contrary to belief, most social services don't want to get involved, in taking kids away (to an overwhelmed system). But awkward questions, can at least cause many families to get their cr*p together.

becoming_maxine wrote:

NTA. They waited for you and BF to move out and CHOOSE to have another child. If they can't care for their children don't step into that quicksand. Tell her if she can't care for her children and a new baby maybe someone needs to give CPS a head up on the situation because they shouldn't be having more children.

If they can get you to stop up they will just keep having more babies and expecting you to both take care of and financially support the younger siblings.

OP is NTA here, but her boyfriend's mom needs to get real with herself about the demands of parenting another baby.