'AITA for disinviting my sister-in-law from my bachelorette party?'
"AITA for disinviting my sister-in-law from my bachelorette party?"
I put SIL in title just so it's easier. I (25f) and my fiance Zach (24m) are getting married in a couple months. Zach has a brother, Josh (27m) who recently had twins with his wife Amber (24f).
I invited Amber to my bachelorette party. On the night of the party my husband organized a game night for a few of his brothers and friends, since they're doing the actual bachelor party a few weeks after mine since one of his brothers will be in town.
This wasn't a problem until I realized that there would be no one to watch Amber and Josh's twins. They're pretty low income so there's no way they'd be able to afford a babysitter. We also know that they don't have friends who could watch them, and Amber's family lives out of state.
We decided to let Amber know that there was a change of plans. Josh has barely seen his family since the twins were born and has been working full time on top of being a new dad, and we felt like it was important that they get to spend time together and he gets a little break.
When I called Amber to tell her about the change in plans. She said she had been looking forward to it for weeks and was crushed. I tried to explain our reasoning but it made her more upset. I wasn't really getting through to her so I just told her I had to go. I told my friend about it the next day and she thinks that I'm in the wrong. So, AITA (Am I the a^%$le)?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
French_Window comes in hot:
YTA. You decided she should stay at home while your brother has a break, so uninvited her? Since when do YOU decide how THEY should sort out childcare or who has a 'break' in their family? The audacity.
EpiphanaeaSedai points out a simple solution:
OP could have offered to pay for a babysitter, since they realized the timing of the parties was an imposition.
KeepLkngForIntllgnce wants to remind us:
Oh and don’t forget. This is not the bachelor party. Josh wouldn’t have a clash with that, since that’s a few weeks away. I’m not understanding the logic. Josh could have sat the boys night out - and joined the actual bachelor and Amber could have gotten a break with the bachelorette!??? Wtaf!!???
Picaboo13 says:
YTA. Why couldn't he take the twins to the game night? Why couldn't you let them figure it out for themselves? You don't think that Amber needs a break too? How dare you decide who get priority when they both are parents. That isn't your decision. YTA big time and way to wreck your relationship with your SIL. They don't need you manage their life.
OP responds:
The twins are very colicky. Josh wouldn't really get to enjoy his time with his brother because he'd be taking care of the twins the entire time.
QSR_RE can't believe it:
Is this a bit? I honestly can’t understand how someone would have such a lack of self awareness. Your such an AH. And so is your husband and so is her husband. This seriously can’t be real.
But OP keeps going:
Would you want to go to a game night with two screaming babies the entire time? I'm just trying to explain our reasoning.
stuk_in_tuksin2021 suspects something larger at play:
I don't understand. But actually I think I do. You don't want her there. So, you made up this excuse. And then out it on here to either make yourself feel better about what you did or because maybe you know it'll get back to family and you wanted a preemptive strike. Either way, YTA. Because, it doesn't make sense.
OP finally fesses up:
I'll be honest we haven't always seen eye to eye on some things. Political/religion differences. I think she drinks too much. Before she got pregnant it was like every weekend. But I don't dislike her. Zach just really wanted to see his brother and Josh couldn't bring the babies.
Infusion-delusion sums it all up:
So you didn't want to run the risk that she asked Josh to stay home and look after the kids. What's really sh*%^y is that your fiance caused this by scheduling his game night for the same time. You are both a-holes.
EducatedOwlAthena isn't done:
Oh my heavens, she drank every weekend in her early 20s before she became a mom! However shall we explain her excess to the duchess?!