Bride tells MOH she 'hated' bachelorette party, throws other party without her.

Bachelorette parties can be the best of times, and they can be the worst of times. It's all about who is there, and what is planned, and most importantly: if the plans fit what the bride likes.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her MOH she hated her bachelorette party and is having another one. She wrote:

'AITA for telling my (F24) MOH (F23) I hated my bachelorette party and having another one without her?'

I'm (F24) getting married next week and my sister (F23) is my MOH. This weekend we had my bachelorette party and we originally agreed that all 'bridesmaids' (my best friend (F25) and 3 close friends (M24-27)) would organize it.

But I later found out that my sister excluded everyone else bc 'it should be the MOH job' and just showed up with a fully booked plan before the others could even start discussing ideas. The whole party was supposed to be a surprise but I expected that we'd be doing something that they know I'd enjoy.

Unfortunately my sister pulled up to some sort of spa and planned to get nails done and some face masks and stuff like that. Afterward we had a private photoshoot with lots of dresses for me - I mean they were gorgeous but not something I'd ever feel comfortable in. We ended it with a dinner at a fancy restaurant where she preordered dishes that had meat in it. I'm mostly vegan and she knows that.

All of those were cool ideas and I'm sure many brides would enjoy a bachelorette like that. Hell, I'd plan one exactly like that for my sister or best friend but it's just not me. I told her that I hated it but I appreciate that she clearly put a lot of effort and money into the day.

The others knew I wouldn't like it so they planned another party yesterday and that one couldn't have been better (we had a medieval dinner at a castle and they booked a cinema where we played video games and drank cocktails the whole day!!) But we excluded my sister and now she's REALLY mad.

In fact, my whole family is mad for having a second one and not being grateful for the one my sister planned for me. I can understand she's hurt and I feel horrible so I consider repaying her the money she spend but I'm not apologizing for my interests - shouldn't a bachelorette party be for the bride? And I was just honest when she asked me if I liked it!

Even though I do feel like I'm being an ungrateful AH bc she clearly put lots of effort into planning the day. So any thoughts?

People had a lot to say in response.

blanketstatement5 wrote:

'I'd plan one exactly like that for my sister.'

So your sister planned exactly the bachelorette that... your sister would want. Not what you would want. NTA.

Also, IMO, you need to fire her as MOH (and probably as a bridesmaid), because I'd bet a pretty penny that after feeling snubbed by the bachelorette situation she will cause drama if she's allowed to make a speech (you also will need to tell the DJ to cut the mic off if she ever gets her hands on it).

ETA: You also shouldn't feel guilty about the effort she spent planning. She spent that effort so she could have a day SHE would enjoy. All her reward is in the stuff she got to do that day, and she is entitled to nothing else.

Ok-Classic8323 wrote:

NTA. Your sister seriously does not know what you are into and what you eat? Sounds like she planned it for herself, not for you. She planned it without asking you what you want. Glad the one your friends organized was better, sadly I think your sister is going to be sore about this for quite a while.

Starjacks28 wrote:

NTA your sister planned her own hen party. Also, it's not that hard to book a spa and a restaurant. Barely much effort there at all and clearly no thought into what you as a person would want. I'd just tell the family 'Am I meant to be thankful that she clearly doesn't know me? Not respects my diet or my friends input?' I'd honestly also demote her from being MOH at the very least.

Artea13 wrote:

NTA. Like the other people in the comments have said she planned a day for HERSELF, not for you. Not only that but she also in doing so showed a very clear disregard for your wishes, dietary preferences, and just overall personality. You told her you didn't enjoy it, you had a party that you wanted to have.

Has your family told you why they're siding with your sister on this one? Maybe she has told them a version of events that doesn't really add up with what actually happened.

First-Entertainer850 wrote:

ESH. You set your sister up for failure a little bit. I’ve been a co-MOH before, and it’s hard enough planning anything with two people, never mind giving every single person in the party equal input. Nothing would get done. That’s in part why you appoint a MOH in the first place, because someone needs to take the lead on making decisions like that.

That’s why you appoint someone who really knows you and understands you. Everything about it being a surprise was also a bad approach. Elements of the bachelorette party can definitely be a surprise, but IMO the bride should provide guidance. I also think it’s kinda crappy that they didn’t invite your sister to bachelorette party #2. Are they punishing her?

Your sister should’ve taken into account your interests more and definitely your dietary restrictions. But I also feel like you put her in a s#$ty position, and then punishing her by not inviting her is odd.

Evening-Addendum-714 wrote:

Your sister messed up but I don't understand why she wasn't invited to the second party? Unless you were planning on keeping it a secret this was bound to cause friction. If she'd have been invited she would have understood what it is that you enjoy surely? Sidenote: isn't a medieval dinner mostly meat!?

elizajaneredux wrote:

ESH. Your sister should have tailored this to what she knows about your interests. If she just ignored that completely, she doesn’t look good. But you told her you hated it? Why did you have to do that?

You really just had to have another one to make up for…what? An expensive celebration on your honor that you didn’t enjoy as much as you would have enjoyed something else? What planet are you on?

Clearly this is an ESH situation.