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'AITA for not asking permission to take a shower?'

'AITA for not asking permission to take a shower?'


"AITA for not asking permission to take a shower?"


Three of us live in a small 3 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment. One roommate moved in after the two guys. We will call her Stacy. Stacy likes to immediately bombard you with all of her life issues the second you walk in the door after you spend 12 hours at work.

Stacy hasn’t had a real job the entire time living here so she trashes the house all day staying home. Stacy also likes to take your dog out on hikes without a leash and without asking permission or even informing you before hand.

Stacy's dog gets dominant and aggressive with me and my dog every time we leave our room or enter the house despite us never being antagonistic and living here longer.

Stacy has had at least one emotional meltdown where she projects her insecurities onto the other roommates. Stacy bought tickets to go to Ecuador because she “can’t afford to live here”… I wonder why (our rent is only $650 a month in a big city). I’m clearly not a fan of Stacy or her crappy dog.

Anyway, Stacy knowingly brought a cold into the house and only decided to say so after I got sick. I’ve been in bed for the last 48 hours straight because of this cold and have only managed to keep down 2 packs of oatmeal. I have the cold sweats and shivers. I decide to take a hot shower (probably 20 minutes) to open my sinuses, warm up, and try to relax.

Later on in the day Stacy says to me “oh yeah, I had diarrhea when you went and took a shower so I went to a coffee shop to use their bathroom.” I just say “oof, damn.” In response (because why the fuck do I need to know that 3 hours later Stacy) and then let my dog out to go to the bathroom.

When I walk back in she has a noticeable shift in attitude and says “I probably could’ve said that better but if you are going to take a shower I would like if you asked.” To which I reply “sure, you can also knock and I’ll come out and let you do your thing.”

She knew she was moving into a 1 BA house. No one has ever asked anyone else permission to take a shower before (or the baths she takes). And she didn’t need to go drive to a coffee shop if she would’ve knocked like a big girl.

She felt comfortable enough telling me she had diarrhea without provocation so I don’t understand why she would feel uncomfortable knocking? Am I the ahole for not asking permission to shower?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


ESH. It's not "asking permission" it's informing people that the bathroom will be unavailable for 20 minutes. That's common courtesy. It's not been an issue up to now because you normally would have a shorter shower at a predictable time.

What was different this time is that you were home and showering in the middle of the day. Her being home most of the day has made her feel like she owns the place. It was inappropriate for her to speak that way about it.

For reference I grew up with 5 siblings in a 1-bath house. We ALWAYS warned people before taking a shower or bath. We liked to say "speak now or forever hold your pee!" (Also, we were family, so no locked doors and just keep the shower curtain closed in case of emergency.)


NTA. You were there before her. She does not have a monopoly on the shower. She knows what she was moving into. If you want to encourage her departure, stop walking on eggshells around her and playing her games. Run the clock til she goes to ecuador and leaves your lives. Oh and get your dog chipped if you haven't yet, stacy might find more perceived slights and start to retaliate.


NTA. Let me get this straight: She wants YOU to ask her permission to take a shower but SHE takes your dog out for a hike without asking for your permission? She needs to clean up after herself and stop taking your dog out without asking you first. You could report your dog stolen with her as the thief. You guys could have her evicted. She sounds like she needs to be sent packing for Ecuador. Soon.

The OP responded here:


What I was thinking as well.


NTA. No one needs to ask before showering. If anything its the other way around: ask if anyone's about to shower before you go blow up the bathroom. I had a roommate like Stacy, there's only one fix: move.


Stacy has main character energy. If she hasn't got a job how is she paying rent/getting s ticket to Ecuador? If she isn't contributing she doesn't have much say in what goes on, you also don't need to ask permission to use the facilities you're paying for. NTA.


NTA - The venting feels extracurricular. But no, you don't need to ask permission to take a shower. It's a reasonable request while she's having stomach issues, but she didn't tell you that until afterwards and it's not a reasonable "all the time" request.


NTA. Only situation where you have to ask if it's ok to take a shower IN YOUR OWN DAMN HOUSE is if you have a set bathroom/showering schedule with roommates and you'd be taking over someone else's bathroom time. Sounds like you need to banish Stacy.

So, if you could give the OP any advice, what would you say?

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