Wife births baby girl, dad walks, hears wife had twins, banned from room. AITA?
"AITA for calling my wife petty for not letting me back in the delivery room?"
So for three generations of our family, we have had somebody carry on the name of my great grandfather. However, despite the facts my dad, uncle, and aunts having 3 boys and 2 girls between them all, so far all of us have either been suffering with fertility issues or have only had daughters.
Don't get me wrong- my wife and I already have a daughter and I love her very much.
However, given that the other relatives are either planning to adopt daughters from parents who could not raise them, committing to being childfree, or saying they are happy with the three girls they have, I felt a lot of pressure on me to be the one that has a son.
So much pressure that when we found out my wife was carrying twins we saw it as a blessing from a higher spirit. However, given our finances ( I'm a firefighter and my wife is a CNA for a nursing home), the ' one child and done' would have been better for us.
We contemplated stopping but my great uncle ( who is obsessed about how many kids people have) was all like ' Well Nelson Peltz had 10 kids- more kids make you find ways of making more money.' And other relatives chiming in saying people with more kids make more money.
We were so nervous about the gender that we did not want to know until birth. But that did not stop relatives from coming in with a bunch of old wives' tales saying based on my wife's symptoms the babies were the same gender for sure.
So flash forward to the day of the birth. The first baby was born Sunday at 11:20AM. I hear the baby crying and then silence from the previously chatty relatives. Finally somebody, and I forget who, tells me it's a healthy girl and I should be proud.
I was so upset because my relatives put in my mind that if the first one was a girl, the second one would be too. And I hate to say it, I was having stress over adding twins to the house.
I made my excuses and walked out. I went out to the car and cried and then drove to the nearby cafe to get a coffee to calm myself down. Before I got there I got a call from my mom saying I had a son.
I turned around the car and sped back to the hospital. However, when I got to my wife's room a nurse came out and said in a rather smug tone- ' Sir- your wife is asking that you not be admitted inside.' I tried to tell her that I wanted to be with my wife but she just gave me a 'You don't scare me.' type eye roll.
My wife banned me from her room for the next day and finally this morning she said I could come hold my twins. She pointedly made me acknowledge our daughter first ( as if a baby understands English) and then let me hold my son.
I could not stand it anymore and told her that throwing a grouchy nurse on me and then what she did just then was petty and I cannot believe her.
She got mad and said that she was naming our son the name I wanted and then threw me out again. AITA for going away to collect my emotions, and feeling I'm entitled to my kids?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
YTA and the fact you don’t see what you did was cruel, selfish and wrong to both your wife and your kids makes you more of an AH.
'what she did just then was petty and I cannot believe her.' The unmitigated gall of OP to call his wife 'petty' when he LEFT HER IN THE MIDDLE OF LABOR TO GO AND CRY THAT HE WASN'T GOING TO GET THE GENDERED BABY HE WANTED.
YTA OP. I hope you learned your lesson in 1) not listening to old wives' tales, and 2) being happy for your child regardless of gender.
'Tradition' is just peer pressure from dead people.
I got the quote from here.
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/10634974-tradition-is-just-peer-pressure-from-dead-people-william
YTA For so many reasons. Financially, you said you would be better off with just the one child you already had, yet you chose to bow to pressure from family to try and have a boy.
And what makes you the biggest AH of all is walking out on your wife at a critical moment when you thought the second twin would be a girl. What concerns me most is how you will now treat those children. I’m sure your girls will not even realize they have a father.
YTA. I find it hard to believe you don’t realize that. Your wife is giving birth and you have a breakdown because it’s a girl. Your wife is doing through childbirth!! All you care about is your family name and gender.
I swear if I were her I wouldn’t let you near the children and I would name the boy something different. If this name crap is stressing you out then don’t put that pressure on the next generation. Again, you were a massive AH.
Yep, YTA. You’re there to support your wife, not your relatives regardless of what they want you to believe. You’re allegedly a full grown man and you should be able to manage your emotions better than that.
Step out of the room for a moment but leaving the hospital when your wife is set to deliver another of your children, independent of gender, is disrespectful of her.