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'AITA for snapping and telling my mom her friends ruined my birthday party?' UPDATED

'AITA for snapping and telling my mom her friends ruined my birthday party?' UPDATED

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All it takes is one reckless and inconsiderate guest to throw a wrench in the good vibes of a birthday party.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she was wrong for telling her mom to never invite her friends again after they ruined her birthday. She wrote:

"AITA for telling my mom not to ever invite her friends again for ruining my birthday party?"

I (18,F) recently had my birthday. At first, I was just going to have lunch with my friends at a restaurant. But my parents insisted on joining us and celebrating it together with us (even though we were going to celebrate at home as a family anyway). I didn't mind and told them I'd be happy to have everyone together at the party.

It was all going well until my mom told me she also invited her friends to my birthday party. I didn't want them there because I didn't know them well enough and it was just supposed to be people close to me. But she was stubborn about inviting them so I suggested that we could have two timings- one for my mom's guests, and the other for my friends.

She agreed to it and it was settled that we will invite her guests at 12 pm while my friends would be there at 2 pm. This way, I could spend enough time with my friends and also give enough time to the other guests. On the day of the party, none of my mom's guests arrived on time. And only by the time all my friends were there, did they start arriving. I was a bit annoyed but didn't say anything.

One of the guests' daughter (around 6 years old), wouldn't leave me alone. She clung to me the entire time. Her parents insisted on having her cut my cake (I let her do it since she was just a kid who probably wanted to do it for fun). But then, she started smashing the cake with her bare hands, wiping her snot on the new dress I was wearing (which was my birthday gift) and even spat on the food.

And her parents, instead of disciplining their kid, stopped the music that my friends and I were playing, and played kids' music so that their daughter could "show us her dance". I didn't get to spend a single second with my friends and by the time they left, everything was a mess. I still kept my cool and thanked everyone, including those parents, for coming to the party.

Once everyone left, I started crying and I told mom how her guests ruined my birthday and that I hoped I never have to see them again. She took it as me blaming her for everything so she started telling me how ungrateful of a child I am and that I didn't even deserve to have a birthday party. I don't even know what to tell her anymore.

Redditors were fully in OP's corner.

Baileythenerd wrote:

"She took it as me blaming her for everything"

Well, I mean, her guests did ruin everything, so, you wouldn't be wrong if you did.

NTA.

Your mom's friend's kid (who should never have been at your party in the first place) was a little monster, and it's completely inappropriate for her to try and seize control of your birthday party.

OP responded:

Thanks a lot..I do not blame the kid though because I feel like the parents need to be held accountable for not raising their kid well enough.

kuken_i_fittan wrote:

NTA. I totally understand. Your mom insisted on her insensitive friends coming and they ruined it for you - and then your mom blames YOU for it? If this ever happens again (and it shouldn't- "remember last time? No thanks. If they show up, I leave"), then make sure your friends are there FIRST, and then when your parents' friends show up, you can leave.

Hell, I'm surprised you didn't leave with your friends when it was clear your parents friends were just ruining everything. Kudos on being the more mature person and even thanking them for coming. You can tell you mom that you're very disappointed in her. Not for the party - maybe she didn't realize her friends were crap, but for how she ignored and dismissed your feelings and made it about herself.

OP responded:

Thanks a lot. I am just happy that I can finally go out on my own and don't need my parents' permission. My friends and I are planning on hanging out together soon to make up for the disasterous party haha.

2moms3grls wrote:

This comment puts everything in perspective. Your mom invaded your life for your whole life. And continues to. But now you understand and because you don't need you mom's permission, you have to learn not to disclose things to her. Or she will invade them. You mom does not need to know when your friend party is. STOP TELLING HER.

I have a very invasive MIL and she gets no info. She got so furious about one withheld piece of info that she called MY mom. Good luck. It's a long road to learn appropriate boundaries. Good for you for having good friends to celebrate with!

The_Bad_Agent wrote:

NTA. Your mom actually DID ruin your party by inviting her friends in the first place. Your birthday is about you. She needed to make it about her. So she is absolutely to blame.

Appalachianwitch17 wrote:

OP, if you ever decide to have a wedding (or graduation party, baby shower, etc .,) remember this day. If she can't respect your choice of guests she can find herself uninvited. Better to have a small, inexpensive celebration with friends that care for you than a giant one which will be ruined by your mom's friends.

In the meantime, try to have a calm discussion with your dad. Tell him how disappointed you are that your mom completely co-opted your party and made zero effort to keep a six-year-old hellion from ruining your party and your dress. Then when your mom isn't invited to the next celebration he'll know why.

After receiving a lot of support, OP jumped on with a short update.

Thanks to everyone for your birthday wishes! My friends and I are planning on hanging out pretty soon and I'm happy we could have a redo party (no parents or six year olds this time lol). Many comments asked about my dad's reaction.

My dad was against the entire thing when my mom first mentioned inviting her friends. But he had to give in since mom was the one paying for most things and there was no winning an argument with her. During the party, he was..well, drunk. Very drunk. And he didn't realise how big of a mess it was. He still thinks that the party went really well lol.

People still had a lot to say in response.

squillwill wrote:

I can’t stress enough how much *you *are not TA If you give me ur Venmo or cash app I will send you some money for a cake (nothing crazy) because you don’t deserve this girl.

Your mom is the AH and her friends are the AH and her friends daughter is the AH and honestly your mother oughta be ashamed of herself for doing that to you on your birthday and not seeing how that was affecting you. It’s your birthday!

You call the shots!( Within reason) I imagine your mother was paying for lunch, so that is one aspect to consider but who does this other mother think she is, bringing her six year old daughter to your birthday party insisting that a six-year-old cut a cake with a knife… A KNIFE. A SIX YEAR OLD. WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK!?

You’re honestly so gracious and you sound so sweet and you did not deserve to have your birthday ruined like that and I hope you all sleep on it and come revisit this.

You are 100% in the right and I just feel free because I’ve had birthdays ruined time and time again because I’m really close to Christmas, but this is just uncalled for. Please know that you did an amazing job, and you sound so respectful and courteous and sweet and even on your birthday you didn’t make it about what you wanted.

I think maybe if I were to give you any advice I would say to stand up for yourself a little bit more because when you don’t these things start to build up and happen little by little, put your foot down in the beginning.

That’s always asking for trouble and if you can stand up for yourself, while being courteous like you have been then that’s the recipe for an amazing person so I think you’re on the right track and I give you two thumbs up and you should show your mother these responses on Reddit because she’s so rude for doing that and inconsiderate.

Don’t even get me started on your mom’s friends with the six year old and stopping of the music to play a kid song so the kids could have her showtime!?

You’ve got to be kidding me! I honestly also feel bad for that little girl who has to grow up with the type of mom that is so beyond ill fitted for parenting that she would allow her daughter to ruin a nice young lady’s birthday party you know that mother is responsible for her daughter and her daughters behavior and who gives a six-year-old a knife!?

OP responded:

Thanks a lot! And I appreciate you wanting to pay for the cake, but it's all good now. My friends and I are going to have a redo party soon (no parents or 6 year olds invited this time lol), and I hope we're going to enjoy the day :)

And yes, I will try to stand up for myself. It's hard for me to say no but reading everyone's positive comments makes me feel like I can do it- at least at times like these when it's necessary. Take care <3

Best-Incident8605 wrote:

I actually had quite a similar situation once. My mum planned a lovely bday for me in lockdown so I could have a couple friends in the garden with some cocktails, but my older brother invited all his friends who came round and got high and drank all my alcohol and made my friends so uncomfortable that they left (along with complete disregard for social distancing).

I cried to my mum about it, but instead of comforting me or telling my brother off for hijacking my 19th with his friends, she just made me feel guilty for complaining and essentially gaslit me.

I told her I was grateful but I can't not feel bad about the situation. She never disciplined my brother and he thinks he can do whatever the f#$k he wants. Parents will make you feel guilty and pass blame and do anything but see the clear issue at hand, it sucks.

At the end of the day, you can't undo it but you can learn what not to do next year. I'm sorry your bday was ruined, maybe you could do a little redo and have a get together outside of your house? I personally ended up moving across the country for university where my oldest brother lives and icl he was a lot more fun on my 20th lmao.

OP responded:

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. It makes things more clear for me looking at it from a third person perspective. I will try to move out as soon as I graduate from school. Take care <3

MadameFlora wrote:

From now on your birthday parties are only to be hosted by you or a good friend. Your mom has lost all rights to an invitation and you should keep it to a birthday phone call. Happy belated birthday!

JSJ34 wrote:

NTA. Your mum is an AH. I love a family party with friends & family but would never interrupt my daughters friend party and this did. I don’t know what to say to you other than no you are not an AH & to never let your mum invite “her friends “ to your party, snot child included in mums friend list…

Your mum is very lucky she doesn’t have my teenagers; as they would have sent everyone home at 2, except their friends, and tore snot child’s parent off a strip…my lot don’t take prisoners 🤣

OP was clearly never going to be TA in this situation.

Sources: Reddit
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