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Woman tells BF to 'just go home' when he doesn't buy her special birthday cake. AITA?

Woman tells BF to 'just go home' when he doesn't buy her special birthday cake. AITA?


Birthdays can present a really special opportunity to let your partner know how much you love and care for them.

Something as simple as a thoughtful gift, or small day out on the town can live on as a special memory for years to come. And sadly, a lack of effort can also stick as a painful memory for people who get really into birthdays.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not paying her BF back for comedy tickets after he messed up her birthday cake.

She wrote:

AITA for not paying my boyfriend back after he didn't get me the right birthday cake?

I definitely have a bit of a complex about this kind of stuff because of how I grew up—always with my siblings getting what they asked for while I almost never did, and generally feeling like I never 'get my turn' at things, so it will be helpful to know if I'm justified or overreacting. My bf and I have been dating for 10 months and it was my birthday yesterday.

I put a lot of effort into birthdays (including his) and was pretty excited about it for the last month or so. There is a local bakery that makes a really good-looking pineapple upside-down cake. I have been really wanting to try it and have been saving it for my birthday.

About a month in advance, I told him my birthday was coming up and gave him a few activity ideas, and told him that I didn't need a gift but I really wanted a pineapple upside down cake from XYZ Bakery, he said 'sure.' Now...I know this was probably annoying, but I did mention this specific cake several times, even before last month.

Like we would drive by the bakery and I'd say something like 'Oh hey that's the place with the pineapple cake, I wanna do that for my birthday.' I wasn't deliberately hammering the point home or anything (or aware that it was gonna end in a cake-centered conflict), but there were a couple occasions where it came up.

And then a week before my birthday I did text him a reminder about the cake so that he would have the bakery info on hand. Yesterday rolls around and my boyfriend comes over to my apartment and gives me a gift, which is a Kindle. Not a bad gift and I know they are expensive, but not something particularly relevant to me either.

Then he says let's have cake, and presents what you all know by now is not the pineapple upside down cake, but just a regular grocery store cake with the frosting balloons. Vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream. You guys, I was legitimately sad. If I knew he was gonna drop the ball on this, I would have just gotten myself a pineapple cake months ago instead of waiting.

I was on the verge of tears because of not getting the one thing I actually wanted which was that stupid cake, so I told him I was very disappointed and that he should just go home. He had two tickets to a comedy show for that night and one ended up going to waste.

Now he's annoyed because it is of course 'just a cake' and wants me to reimburse the cost of the wasted ticket. It was only about $30, but I'm bristling at the principal of it and said I didn't owe him the money. He sent me a Venmo request for $30, AITA if I don't pay?

People spilled all the juice on OP's boyfriend.

manson6t6 wrote:

NTA- I'm sick of boyfriends/husbands getting a pass on BS like this. You clearly told him what you wanted and then he didn't even get the cake! You asked for one thing and he couldn't even do that right.

LostStart6521 wrote:

Guys: Girls are so confusing! Why can't they just say what they're thinking? We're not mind readers!

Girls: I'd love a pineapple upside-down cake for my birthday. Literally just the cake would make me so happy. I'm saving the opportunity to try it for my birthday. Please get me that specific cake that I want for my birthday.

Guys: Gets girl anything but the cake.

Girl: Cries out of frustration

Guy: I think you need to calm down, I don't understand why you're upset.

This entire post pains me. You are NTA.

LadyNiltiak wrote:

NTA. You didn't hint. You flat out told him what you wanted, and he ignored it. Not saying leave him, but that screams minimal effort. Talk to him about it, and he can eat that $30.

jacksonlove3 wrote:

NTA. He’s definitely not listening to what you’re saying or understanding what’s important to you and what’s not. Seems menial but turns into big things down the line usually. And him asking for the cost of the ticket that was meant as a gift is a bit much too in my opinion. I’d send him a text and literally spell that all out for him and why you were so emotional over it all. Happy belated Birthday!

Z3r0Pumpk1n wrote:

NTA. You asked for something very inexpensive compared to the gifts he got you, and you made it very clear that you wanted this specific thing. He disregarded everything you said and has the audacity to ask you to reimburse him like you’re a department store.

OP's boyfriend is truly an AH, and in the best case scenario - supremely dense.

Sources: Reddit
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