When someone wanted to celebrate their birthday by going out to dinner with their friends, they found the task much more annoying than expected. And when all their hard work ended up not mattering... things escalated.
Here is their (u/GA2AZ) story. Who do you think the a-hole is, here?
AITA (Am I the as*hole) for turning away a friend after he showed up to my birthday dinner without RSVPing?
I had a birthday dinner this weekend. A week before the dinner I sent a mass text out to eight of my friends telling them the location date and time and to let me know by a certain date if they are coming so I can make a reservation at a hibachi place.
Most people said they could come, one friend said they couldn’t make it and another friend never responded. A couple days later I was talking to one of the friends I invite about the dinner and they said they thought the friend who didn’t answer was coming but they weren’t sure.
I said that he needs to RSVP so I have the correct head count for the reservation. I never heard from the friend who didn’t respond so I made the reservation accordingly.
I should add that before I made the reservation I texted in the mass text chain with “last chance to RSVP I’m making the reservation at this time today”.
The day of my dinner, the friend who didn’t respond showed up right as the hostess was asking for the name of the reservation. I told her that we had an extra person show up and I apologised. She looked to see if she could place all of us but was unable to find a place to accomodate an extra person without us having to wait 2 hours.
So I told the friend who didn’t RSVP that he could not join us for dinner. He got mad and told me I was a bad friend. He told me it was embarrassing to be turned away from a birthday party and that he wasted time and gas coming out.
I told him he should have RSVPed. He told me he told our friend that he might be going. I told him that wasn’t good enough and he should have told me. He told me that I should have asked him if he was coming. AITA (Am I the as*hole)?
Reddit was on the side of birthday person with a ruling of NTA (not the as*hole).
NTA. You asked people to RSVP. He didn't. You didn't include him in the reservation. End of story. (Telling another friend he might be coming is not an adequate RSVP, or actually, not an RSVP at all.)
NTA. No RSVP is a no on an RSVP. If he can't be bothered to tell you directly, that's on him. It's common courtesy. And it isn't like you told him to leave when he showed up. You tried to get another seating and rightfully decided a 2 hour wait would be unreasonable and rude to the others attending.
You did due diligence being nice to someone with questionable manners. He should be embarrassed for showing up and causing an issue he could have easily avoided with a single email. I mean, how hard is it to reply with 'yes'??
NTA. What clinched it for me is 'I should add that before I made the reservation I texted in the mass text chain with “last chance to RSVP I’m making the reservation at this time today”.' So your friend had 2 chances to RSVP, missed both of them. They dropped the ball, it's fair to not wait 2 hours for them.
In future, I would text any missing responders *personally*. Or, if texting group, say 'I have not heard from A, B, C - please RSVP if you want to be included'.
I was like OP's friend, back in my 20s. Can't speak for the friend, but for me, I was really distracted all the time and unable to make a commitment. Until my friends let me know that my behavior was not okay, I just went along my merry way, being obtuse and rude but without ill intent.
I am not saying this to excuse OP's friend, more to point out that OP did exactly the right thing by drawing a line in the sand. Best case scenario is that OP's friend is just flighty and not a true, fundamental AH, and they just needed a kick in the pants to shape up. Hopefully this will do the trick.
NTA, you did ask him if he was coming, that’s what an invitation is. Then you asked him to tell you if he was coming, via rsvp. You aren’t obligated to ask him multiple times!
If you don't RSVP... you actually did.