A worried brother rushed to the aid of his sister in need... and his wife is not happy about it. He came to Reddit for advice, even though his mind seems pretty made up.
I (40m) have a younger sister 'Beth' (28f) who's due to give birth in a couple of weeks in another state. Unfortunately, her jerk of a husband is divorcing her and our mom is caring for our dad after he had his second heart related surgery.
Beth was crying to me one night on the phone about how alone she feels after her best friend had to back out of being in the delivery room due to a family emergency and our sister couldn't get the time off of work from her job overseas.
Beth said that her doctor told her that they may have to do a C-section and she was panicking. I let her cry about it for nearly an hour and then Big Brother mode kicked in and I offered to fly out and support her. It was something I did without any real thought but I meant it because this was my baby sister and she was going through a rough time and told me she was scared.
I have the type of job where I can get permission to work from home and since I'm well liked and respected in the office, my boss was willing to let me do this provided that my work performance isn't impacted. My sister sounded so relieved when I told her the good news and everyone in the family was giving me the preverbal pat on the back.
The only one who wasn't happy was my wife 'Kim' (37f) who told me that I needed to stay here for the kids and that Beth can either find someone else or do it alone.
My kids 'Cody' (13m), 'Chelsea' (10f), 'Connor' (7m) all know that their aunt is going through a tough time and needs help and said that they were fine with me leaving for a while.
Kim insisted that the kids were lying and didn't want me to go and I said that even if it was true, I was still going because Beth needed me and that I would make it up to the kids later.
This caused a fight between us and in the heat of the moment Kim admitted that she didn't want me to go because she thought that it was weird for an uncle to be present at the birth. This brought up old wounds for me since I was denied access to the birthing room for all three of my children as Kim only wanted her mom and sister there.
In truth, Beth's baby will be the first and possibly only time I'll ever get to see a baby be born live and Kim doesn't like it.
I snapped back with the aforementioned births of my children and said that if Kim didn't want me to go so bad then she can call Beth, my parents, and my sister and explain it all to them because there was no way I was going to break Beth's heart when she needed family most. Kim is saying that I'm the a-hole. Am I?
Reddit was all over the board on this one, but they definitely needed more information before making their impassioned final rulings.
INFO: how long are you going to be gone? Is your sister having a c section or something where she already knows what day you need to fly in?
I bought a plane ticket and I'm leaving in about two weeks from now and I believe the average recovery time for a C-section would be for a month.
I am prepared to stay with my sister and help with the baby as much as I can for that long but the goal is to be there just for two weeks and then either my mom or other sister can come and take over. Beth lives on the opposite coast away from family because her ex convinced her to our there with him for a job.
You realize your wife is gonna basically be single parent for a month, what is wrong with you.
It's looking like my sister is going to be a single parent for at least 18 years. All of our kids are over the age of 5 and don't have any special needs. Right now my sister has no one.
Your wife is being a hypocrite. She can have her sister present but you can’t go support your own sister? Also, school-age children are WAY easier to care for than an infant, while recovering from a c-section (source: I’m a mother to two school-age children and had c-sections for both of them).
I wish you’d been able to get your sister out to you before she got too far along to travel. I’m sorry you’re all in this situation. NTA (Not the a-hole).
I’m convinced it’s the gender. Ok for a sister to attend, but not a brother. She didn’t left her own husband (OP) attend the birth of their three children.
YTA (You're the a-hole) for not speaking to your wife about it before making the decision. And for agreeing to be gone a minimum of two weeks and up to a month without discussing it with your wife or even leaving her with a plan for assistance during that time.
It's nice that your kids are fine with you being gone but you don't seem to care if your wife has back-up while you are gone. The lack of communication is the main issue here, not whether or not you are going. The timeframe you are going for makes the lack of communication a bigger issue.
As someone who had a c-section, it was about a year for me. After about 3 months though I could walk normally, but not without pain. A month is absolutely not enough time at all. Idk who told you that.
A YEAR. It took you a full year? No wonder Beth is scared.
Several people ruled ESH (everyone sucks here) and NAH (no a-holes) here. What's your ruling?