Woman's FIL won't stop commenting on her weight; 'Back off, I just had a baby.' AITA?
"AITA for telling off my FIL after he asked about my weight post giving birth?"
Embarrassed-Shop9787
Ok, so I am a week postpartum and quite tired and in recovery. My FIL is a retired doctor, a GP to be precise. He is generally a kindly man and we haven't had any issues in the 10 years I've been with my husband.
When I was in the third trimester, I noticed he made a lot of unwarranted and unsolicited comments with regards to my condition. For instance, I had gestational diabetes. He seemed to disagree with the advice of my (highly regarded) endocrinologist.
Then he asked me when I was getting induced into labour and said I should be induced at 38 weeks because of my GD, age and that my placenta could degrade and result in stillbirth.
I found that incredibly insensitive and told my husband that if he says one more thing about my body and our birth choices, which are entirely conventional, by the way. I ended up going into spontaneous labour right on 40 weeks and had a smooth delivery, I would have a word with him.
Today he came to visit the baby. He asked me if I've started exercising yet. Both my husband and I were surprised and said no, and my husband added that I needed bedrest, on the advice of both my OB and physio. My physio advised half an hour on my feet per day, building it up gently and going for small walks with intense exercise from 6 weeks.
FIL said he disagreed. Ok. Then he asked me if I've been weighed yet. That threw us both for a loop. We didn't know why that would matter. Not that it should matter, but I'm a petite woman and have always been skinny. I look appropriate for one week postpartum.
Then, he said I should be careful about diabetes down the line. My husband asked him what that had to do with my weight and he said well you should really look into getting back in shape. I saw red. I told him to keep his nose out of my body, and that I already had a team of doctors looking after me, and he wasn't one of them.
He said he was just coming from the point of a concerned FIL. I replied and said that's even more inappropriate and that if he made any more unsolicited comments, I would consider not allowing him in my house.
He looked taken aback but apologised, mumbling about concern and then left. He has a history of depression and looked very sad when he departed, which made me doubt myself. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
anonymous_for_this
NTA. He may be a doctor, but he's not your doctor. Just keep telling him that you are not his patient, and that you don't want unsolicited advice.
"He said I'm coming from the point of a concerned FIL"
He's just trying to exert control where he has no authority to do so. I'd tell him to bugger off until he can treat you with kindness and respect.
theatermouse
He's not even an OB!!!
nerdgirlnay
NTA. Even if he meant well, the questions were incredibly invasive, inappropriate, and frankly none of his business. As long as you’re listening to your doctors, your FIL shouldn’t be trying to insert his opinion into your recovery plan.
Congrats on the new addition to your family! :)
Heloise_Morris
NTA The only things I wanted to hear anyone say after I gave birth is do you need anything from the grocery store, can I do your laundry and all you have to do it reheat this in the oven for 20 minutes at 325 degrees.
DoingMyLilBest
NTA, but I disagree with a lot of comments saying his intent was malicious or controlling. I genuinely think he may be trying to help in the way he feels he can the best.
Or at least, without further context I can't say his intentions were bad. The way you implied that you and your husband were surprised makes me feel like this isn't normal behavior from him.
Everyone likes to feel like their professional opinion is worthwhile and desired, but he pushed too far. I don't think you're TA for telling him to stop, but I do think it could have been done in a more gentle way if he was genuinely just being overly vocal with unsolicited advice.
To his credit, he also seemed to have genuine reasons for his comments too, not just "hurry up and lose the baby weight so you'll be nice and housewife shaped" or some drivel like that.