One man asks Reddit if he is wrong for discouraging his girlfriend from dieting. He says he prefers her 'curvier,' but she is trying to focus on her health. Now he wonders if he is in the wrong for wanting her to stay 'plump.'
I (31m) met my girlfriend Rose (25f) when she tutored my nephew and we’ve been together for 3 years and moved in together a year ago.
Rose is someone who loves food. I enjoy taking her to new places to eat and exploring exotic ingredients/recipes together. She is also active in the arts and crafts communities and always offers the nicest advice and whenever I read through the comments I could just feel how she made those strangers’ days.
I think I will never find another one like her. She is the kindest, sweetest person and all my friends and family love her - even my nephew who was a demon to all his previous tutors liked and worked well with Rose.
Rose is 5’8” and weighted about 170-180 lbs for most of the time we’ve been together. She is a bigger girl but to me she’s just the most beautiful woman ever. I love hugging her full figured and soft body. I enjoy playing with the little extra flesh on her upper arms and stomach and the plumpness of her cheeks.
It also doesn’t hurt that her womanly curves are super curvy and full. One of my favorite things was seeing her in a bathing suit for our weekly swim - she was just so huggable. I’m 6’1 and around 190 - 200 lbs for reference.
Ever since Rose became a grad student, she had more time to herself and started going to the gym more. She also decided to change the way she eats.
We still go on restaurant dates and cook exotic recipes together but she ate less and often had half her food put in to go boxes and our new recipes tend to lean toward a healthier side now.
Still delicious and exciting…but it just doesn’t feel the same. Rose is now around 140 lbs and she is very happy and tells me she sets 125 lbs as her goal.
She also told me she got a lot of compliments from everyone. Her smile was just so sunny I could do nothing but tell her I was proud of her.
On one hand, I love how much bolder she’s become but on the other hand I just miss her old body. Where her flesh was soft and squishy is now firm. I just really miss all that.
I told myself I’m being crazy and selfish. I love Rose and if she decides to change herself and she loves it and is happy, I should support her no matter what. From the health perspective, Rose was a bit overweight before and she’s now heading in a healthy direction, all the more reason to encourage her to stay healthy and fit the way she currently is.
I feel like a self-centered piece of garbage for wanting Rose to stay round and soft just for my pleasure. It’s her body and her choice, after all, and I can’t see any happy ending out of this hypothetical discussion.
I didn’t dare ask anyone about this for fear of being seen as crazy. Still, do I have a say in this? WIBTA if I talk to Rose about how I prefer her round and plump?
Dude literally outlined several reasons why he would be the AH for telling her that he prefers her previous body, then wonders 'do I have a say in this?'. Baffling. OP, YWBTA.
Yeah YTA if you say something here.
'Still, do I have a say in this?'
No.
YWBTA - Get over yourself for one second and realize that she is happy and healthier and that's all that matters. Your preference about her body type is something you keep to yourself and move on.
Eating disorders and body dysmorphia are absolutely horrible and are reinforced by heartless comments that can be internalized until it becomes their own voice. Especially when it comes from people they trust.
YTA. You’re really fetishizing your girlfriend and it’s gross.
I mean, YTA if you say anything about attractiveness. But 125 lbs is not a healthy goal weight for a woman who is 5’8, and I would be a little worried about her.
ETA: Wow, this has sparked quite the conversation!! Let me clarify, it is the goal part of this that is concerning to me. OP’s girlfriend is already at a health weight and wants to lose more - if this was a close friend of mine, I would be worried and make sure to talk to them. I did not mean to suggest than anyone who is 125lbs and 5’8 is underweight or unhealthy.