He felt that it was disrespectful to their grandfather's memory and that the least she could do was brush her hair.
A little while back, our beloved grandfather passed away. He lived a very long and happy life (he was 98 years old!) so rather than having a mournful funeral, my parents wanted the event to be more of a celebration of grandpa's life.
I (24M) was at my parents’ house for the weekend, in order to attend our grandfather’s funeral. I and my parents were all ready and waiting for my 14-year old sister, Christina (we usually just call her “Chris”) to hurry up. Chris used to be a sweet person, but nowadays she fancies herself a cool rebel. In reality, she’s a bit of a brat.
Chris came downstairs, and her hair was unacceptably messy. Actually, her hair is always long and messy. However, our mother and grandmother insist that her untidy hair makes her look “cute” and so Chris just keeps it this way.
I know it sounds weird, but I felt like the least my little sister could do was to straighten her hair out and look more formal and respectful. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her usual bullsh*t that day, so I bluntly told her to tidy up her hair or don’t come to the funeral.
My sister responded by swearing at me, and I got into a short, but vicious verbal fight with her. In the end, Chris was crying and she was furious at me, as were both of my parents.
We all arrived at the funeral somewhat late, and Christina was the only one in our family who was crying during the funeral.
ETA: Some people here suggest that Chris's hair is naturally curly. But that's not the case. It's naturally plain and straight. But the way my sister does things, her hair is just kind of all over the place, like a rock musician kinda look. IMO, NOT an appropriate aesthetic for a funeral.
YTA. So you took it on yourself to police the hairstyle of a grieving teenager who isn't even your own child and you'd like to know if you're the a**hole?
YTA. She lost her grandfather too you know. You took a day that already had to be hard on her and made it even harder for no reason.
She's 14! She's still discovering who she is in the world and what her style is. Other family members have been encouraging her looks, that's why she keeps doing it. And the fact that they keep commenting how cute it is on her clearly means they have no problem with it.
Most importantly, you are not her parent. Your parents (who were also there) are her parents and didn't seem to have any issues with it themselves. You caused a fight that didn't need to happen on a day that was already hard on everyone.
I understand that you felt you were doing the right thing and trying to get her to show your grandfather some respect, but this wasn't the time, place, or way to do it.
Yah YTA. I hope we get to the place one day where we really realize we have no place to tell someone else how to style their hair. You don’t like her aesthetic. Get over it. It’s not your business anyway. Your whole “thinks she’s a rebel but she’s a brat” is just the cherry on top. your sister is a teenager leave her alone.
YTA. You decide how you go to the funeral. She decides how she goes to the funeral. Overall questionable attitude.
YTA. Choosing how you want to look and be perceived is an important part of being your sister’s age. Kids try on and discard many public faces. If part of how she prefers to approach the world is with messy hair, how is that doing any actual harm?
If it’s not doing harm, then policing someone else’s appearance is petty and controlling.