'My ex manipulated me into marrying him and I lost everything. But I won in the end.'

"I Married My High School Friend, Lost Everything, and Rebuilt a Life He Could Never Touch."

Story Time…

I’ve been divorced from this man for over a decade now. Since then, I’ve gone to university and earned a Bachelor of Counselling. With time, education, and distance, I can finally tell this story clearly.

I (34F) married my high school friend “Kyle” (34M). We grew up together. He was a sweet kid and was bullied for not being conventionally attractive, but that never mattered to me. We got together when we were 18. I genuinely didn’t want a relationship with anyone. Instead, I wanted to focus on my career and travel the world.

Prior to this relationship, I was fiercely independent, savvy with money, fun, out-going- I was not the kind of person one would expect this to happen to. I was also very young and naive, therefore, easily manipulated.

Kyle developed feelings for me, and when I gently told him that I wasn’t interested in being more than friends, he convinced our shared friend group to stage what was essentially an intervention. I was accused of “leading him on.” I was told that love was just “friendship + intimacy” and that the only reason I wasn’t interested was because I wasn’t attracted to him.

I was a people-pleaser. I didn’t want to be seen as shallow, and I didn’t want to lose my ‘friends’ so I agreed to date him. People were pleased. His family was ecstatic. Our friends thought it was perfect. I never developed romantic feelings, but I felt trapped by expectation and guilt.

My parents weren’t as thrilled as the others, however, they wanted me to be the one to make my own life choices and supported my decisions. About a year later, I was studying full-time and working three casual jobs to pay my way.

He dropped out of uni to work for his parents. Almost overnight, his parents business took off and they became multimillionaires. That’s when the financial and emotional abuse quietly started.

Kyle proposed by telling me to dress up because he was taking me somewhere expensive. Instead, he drove to a petrol station (because fuel is expensive), proposed in the car, then drove straight back to his parents’ house. He thought it was hilarious. I laughed along so I wouldn’t seem superficial and void of a sense of humour.

We married at 21. I had no say in the wedding because his parents paid for most of it. I didn’t choose the theme, venue, photographer, or even my own dress. Whenever I attempted to add input, there would be backhanded snide comments. I went along with it to avoid being labelled an ungrateful bridezilla.

Our honeymoon was staying in an apartment his parents owned near home and going to theme parks. I was promised travel later. We bought a house with his parents as guarantors. What actually happened was that the house was purchased in his parents’ and his name, not mine, and I paid half the mortgage and bills while working full-time.

He set up a joint account and convinced me I was bad with money. I wasn’t allowed access. My entire income was transferred into it, and he would give me money “as needed.”

Grocery shopping became humiliating. I had a strict list. At the checkout, I had to call him, tell him the total to the cent, and he would transfer that exact amount. He checked the receipt afterward to make sure I didn’t purchase anything he hadn’t listed.

The food was his. He made lunches I wasn’t allowed to touch. I had nothing to eat all day until dinner. Dinner was chicken, rice, and vegetables every night. I lost a dangerous amount of weight and had no energy, but I still had to wake at 5am daily to go to the gym because “couples who train together stay together.”

I was allowed $20 a week for fuel. He had to come with me everywhere. If I went out alone, he’d call constantly. Thirty calls in four hours because “he missed me.” Eventually, I stopped going out. Any friends who visited were deliberately made uncomfortable so they wouldn’t return. When I was pregnant, I had a ladies-only baby shower. Kyle pretended to be supportive. I had cleaned the house thoroughly.

Kyle left just before my guests had arrived, I didn’t know that he’d used the bathroom right before hand. He deliberately urinated all over the main bathroom. Seat, floor, walls. Guests had arrived before I knew about this and my mother found the scene. When she confronted him, his excuse was:

“well next time she’ll think before telling me to put the seat down.” - this was a request I’d made frequently because he would always leave the toilet seat up.

Mum called him a “disgusting pig” he didn’t react to her, but later told me that she was forbidden from our home for being disrespectful.

When I went into labour, it happened to be the same day as FIFA World Cup kickoff. Kyle told me to “hurry up” during contractions, literally bouncing around anxiously, not because his first child was about to be born, but because he didn’t want to miss the game. Our son was born ten minutes after kickoff.

Ten minutes later, while I was being stitched up, he was watching soccer in the waiting room. Apparently he still gives our son (12) grief about making him miss the kick off for having the audacity to be born during the same time.

When our baby was two weeks old, we both got gastro. Kyle checked himself into hospital. I stayed home alone, spent the whole time sitting on the toilet, vomiting into a bucket while breastfeeding the baby.

When Kyle returned two days later, he told me it was my responsibility to care for the baby because he was “back at work” on sick leave and I was on maternity leave. Kyle slept the entire time, and despite being far sicker than him at that stage, had to look after baby and clean the house.

When our son was four months old, he wouldn’t sleep. I took him alone to a sleep clinic. Kyle stayed home and later described it as a “much needed break” for him. Even though I was the only one who would be up all night with the baby, in the other room, so that Kyle could sleep.

Kyle spent 2–4 hours a day at the gym, sometimes twice daily. Despite this, there were no physical changes… interesting, right? One night while I was working late, he had a woman over for dinner. He told me the next day, unprompted. He said he was just being transparent because he didn’t want me to get the “wrong idea.”

This woman — let’s call her H — was someone we both knew from school. Neither of us were friends with her. She had a reputation for sleeping with unavailable men and had previously cheated with one of his best friends. A few days later, I told him I felt uncomfortable and asked to see his phone. This is how that went NOTE: Kyle was completely calm during the entire interaction.

Kyle: “sure, no problem”

He opened the conversation, deleted the entire chat in front of me, then handed me the phone.

Me: “why did you do that?”

Kyle: “what?”

Me: “delete your conversation with H.”

Kyle: “what do you mean?”

Me: “I literally just saw you.”

Kyle: “are you ok”

Me: “what?”

Kyle: “I’m really worried about you. Your mental health has been bad for months. Now you’re seeing things? Are you messing with me?”

I genuinely thought I was losing my mind.

Eventually, evidence surfaced that he was cheating with multiple women, including two from the gym. I felt nothing. I realised I had sacrificed six years of my life, my dreams, and my entire identity. The only thing I never regretted was my son.

I left over something small. I needed an excuse but didn’t want him to know I knew about the cheating - I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking that he, in any way, broke my heart. I wasn’t heartbroken, I didn’t even hate him, I was completely indifferent.

I became homeless for three months. Nothing was in my name. I couldn’t afford a lawyer, and didn’t qualify for legal aid - because- at the time, this marriage wasn’t considered “abusive enough.” I couch-surfed and relied on my parents as much as I could. All our mutual friends turned on me- I was suddenly the crazy ex who broke his heart.

I moved into low-income housing, shared custody of my two-year-old, and rebuilt from scratch. I worked, studied, saved, and turned that tiny house into a castle for me and my little prince. He remarried quickly. She was 19. He continues to live a luxurious life funded by his parents. There was no dramatic karmic downfall. But here’s the truth: just because karma didn’t arrive loudly doesn’t mean he won.

Happiness isn’t inherited. It’s built. It’s earned through growth, accountability, and self-reflection — things he never had to develop. As for me, I rebuilt everything. got my degree, and I found real love. We have a beautiful home and family together, and he is the best step dad to my son.

We’re getting married in September and have been saving for the past 2 years so that we can pay for it ourselves, and travel for our honeymoon. I am safe, grounded, and genuinely happy.

I also have a new circle of wonderful friends, have remained very close with my parents and siblings, and although I have to maintain contact with Kyle (at least until our son is 18) I have grey rocked him so hard that he has no way of manipulating or controlling me - despite his best efforts and spending a fortune on lawyers in trying to do so.

I now work as a counsellor and dedicate my life to helping others. I educate people about domestic and family violence, advocate for better supports, and walk beside individuals rebuilding after toxic relationships and mistreatment — I didn’t leave that marriage with money or assets. I left with my son, my strength, and my future.

This is what people had to say to OP:

theNothingP3 said:

It may not feel like you got revenge but you did. Your ex and his family are so bone deep selfish and controlling (might even be a personality disorder or two in the mix) and you found their kryptonite - grey rocking. That's why he's still trying to get a reaction from you through the court system.

For the rest of his life every time he thinks of you he'll get pissed off because you got away and are happy without him. It's not loud or flashy revenge but it's still good.

Immediate_Cap_7484 said:

The best revenge is a life well lived, full of joy, happiness, and peace. Congrats on getting out of an awful situation, and showing yourself and your child that you deserve peace and joy.

In the comments, OP added:

Oh! Something I forgot to mention- I had somewhat of a bucket list. Just a list of things I wanted to experience in life eg. Sky-diving, swimming with turtles, shark cage diving etc. Anyway- soon after I left him, he started doing all the experiences on my list with his affair partners and then sending me the photos…. Whilst I was couch surfing with our 2yo.

Don’t get me wrong- I no longer feel any way about this, despite its gut punch at the time. Rather, I think it’s funny. It must be such a miserable existence to purposefully go out of your way to try and devastate another human.