Bridesmaid fumes at bride’s demands; 'one bridesmaid with a 10mo asked if she could sleep in my car.' UPDATED 2X
"I am so glad that my friend's wedding is almost over!"
Pleasant_Knowledge57
I am a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding, and I am exhausted! Is my friend over doing it with the pre-wedding festivities? She has a had a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, and next weekend are the rehearsal dinner and the pre-wedding meet and greet the night before the wedding.
After the wedding she is having a dinner and then an after-dinner cocktail hour. I helped out A LOT with her bachelorette. I picked people up, bought decorations, made food, etc., etc.
She asked me to help pick people up for the meet and greet and also said that I'm buying my own meal for that. I told her I'm fine paying for my own meal, but I'm not picking people up. I work full time.
I have a 5-month-old baby. My husband's grandparents will be in town that weekend and we will be visiting with them in addition to the wedding. I'm getting so frustrated with all of the pre-wedding festivities!
I had my wedding and drinks with friends the night before my wedding. That's it! Everything she's doing seems so unnecessary. Am I just being a sourpuss or do people overdo their weddings?
Edit: The bridal party isn't invited to the rehearsal dinner. I think the meet and greet is for the people not invited to the rehearsal dinner? And the dinner after the wedding is at a separate venue, and then the cocktail party after dinner is at a separate venue.
Edit: I have no clue why the bridal party isn't going to the rehearsal dinner. The bride was my maid of honor in my wedding, and she was at my rehearsal dinner. My husband's parents paid for her meal. The bride said that her rehearsal dinner is only for family. I would be angry, but I'm not angry. Thinking about this wedding just gives me a headache lol.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
ChupikaAKS
She can do whatever she wants and have 10 meets and greets weekly. But she is not entitled to other people's help if it gets out of hand. Some brides just don't see that their friends and relatives have a life outside their wedding. Tell her that you can't do everything and as long as she doesn't expect you to, everything is fine.
ResoluteMuse
Wedding culture is out of hand.
No you are not a sourpuss. .
MayhemWins25
A…meet and greet? That’s a new one. She’s not a celebrity what is she gonna charge for autographs too? Presumably she would know everyone there already. So what the fuck is the meet and greet for?
Six days later, the OP returned with an update.
"I keep thinking the bride can't get worse, and she gets worse..."
Pleasant_Knowledge57
The wedding is 4 days. I keep thinking that the bride is done making me enraged because it's too close to the wedding for her to throw anymore bombshells at me. One of our bridesmaids is a mom of a 10 month old escaping a DV situation and has no money. The bride wanted her to be in the wedding anyway. They've been friends for a very long time.
I made the agreement with the bride that I would cover one night of her hotel stay and the the bride would cover the second night. We made this agreement last week. Today I just got a text from said bridesmaid: "Hey, can I sleep in your car the night before the wedding?" I was like wtf?!
I messaged the bride asking if she was still covering night 2 of her stay. She said no because she doesn't have the money and she needs to put herself and the groom first. I am so f***ing livid right now. I have no words. I am ready to drop out of this wedding at this point. I'm considering not showing up. I am so done with this bride and her bs.
I plan on talking to her about this wedding. We've both complained about the bride before. She might be interested in dropping out, too. As for the DV aspect, I've offered to help her call DV shelters numerous times and help search for other resources (I'm a 211 operator. Connecting people with community resources is what I do) .
Each time, she declines. She's staying with her mother with the baby right now. Thank you guys so much for your concern over her! She has had a rough time of it! <3
Edit: According to the bride, the groom doesn't want to pay for the bridesmaid's room. Not sure if that's the truth or a lie, but the groom isn't particularly likable, so it could go either way.
The next day, the OP returned with another update.
Pleasant_Knowledge57
A lot of people were asking for an update, so I thought I would share about the whole wedding experience. It went as expected. The bride was being...well...herself.
Most of the bridal party was upset that the meet and greet dinner the night before the wedding wasn't paid for by the bride and groom, so most of us brought our spouses even though she specified not to.
The table was reserved for 8, not 14, so that set our reservation back by 20 minutes. The bride had a meltdown because "my reservation was for 6 o'clock!". I told her to stay patient and that we'd be seated sooner or later.
Someone suggested trying the Applebee's across the street, which ticked her off. She also had a panic attack in the women's restroom because of how overwhelming all of this was. The bridesmaid who almost slept in a car was the one who comforted her.
The next day...well...I exploded on her. I booked a room for 2 nights for the bridesmaid that almost slept in a car. I paid for it, talked to the front desk, and thought that everything was all set.
A few hours later the bride calls saying that the hotel needs $50 more. I...unfortunately...exploded... I have a 5-month-old, put $70 on a credit card for nails and toes that I couldn't afford, paid for gas to travel, paid for my own meal the night before and still had diapers/bills to worry about.
My husband helps, of course, but the wedding was bleeding us dry. So I told her no. I told her I would go talk to the hotel to see what could be done. Thankfully, they didn't need any more money like the bride thought. They just needed a signature.
The bridesmaid who I got the room for called me a b!tch for shouting at the bride. (Even though the bride went out to eat 5 times that weekend and was staying at a Delta by Marriot for 3 straight days and couldn't spare $50 for her, but okay...)
The day after that, the wedding day, I showed up to watch her get her hair and makeup done while doing my own makeup with my own materials using an available mirror. The salon was fine with this. She asked what I was going to do with my hair, and told me I should have booked an appointment for myself. I told her I would figure something out.
The rest of the day I showed up to the wedding (the venue was immaculate to say the least...) then went to the dinner afterward. My husband and I skipped going out for drinks after the dinner, which lead to many angry phone calls from the bride.
I haven't heard from the bride since the wedding. I'm 110% okay with that. I should have dropped out. I was trying to be a good Samaritan and exploded on her anyway. Dropping out would have been better.
Edit: My spouse put a lot of money into the stuff for this wedding. If I would have dropped out, it would have been a fight with my husband. Our agreement was that we attend the wedding and the dinner and skip everything afterward. However, I didn't expect that attitude from the DV bridesmaid. That was surprising for me.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's final post:
xenogazer
I'm exhausted just reading it. Can't believe you stayed after being yelled at by DV bridesmaid.
tphatmcgee
the friend you were paying for a room for yelled at you for trying to get her additional help from the bride who said she would and backed out? I don't understand any of these so called friends of yours at all.
Koevis
The hotel didn't need that 50$, but the bride did if she was going out like that.
lilyofthevalley2659
You really went above and beyond for someone who didn’t deserve it.
Prudent_Border5060
Why didn't you cancel that room? That was in YOUR name. Freak the bridemaid and the bride. Good riddance. Your only mistake was to put up with this bs.