Sudden breakup mystery revealed six months later: partner hid family cancer diagnosis.
"I found out why my ex broke up with me."
Lazy_Cat9396
My ex boyfriend broke up with me over text on a random afternoon. I was completely blindsided and heartbroken. He asked my dad for his blessing to propose just 2 weeks before he broke up with me. My dad told me this after the breakup. I didn’t know he was planning to propose.
In his breakup text, he didn’t really give me a solid reason for the break up. He just told me he isn’t ready for a relationship and that it has nothing to do with me. I was heartbroken, couldn’t eat or sleep for days.
It’s been 6 months since the breakup and I ran into his cousin. She asked me how I’m doing and I told her I’m doing okay. I asked how my ex is doing and she said “he’s doing okay all things considered”.
I asked what she meant and she said “the chemo is getting tough for his mum and she isn’t doing great. He got a new job though so that’s looking good for him”. I was in shock for a second. I didn’t know his mum had cancer, he never told me that.
After seeing how shocked I was, she realised I didn’t know. She told me his mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer the week before he broke up with me. She said he also lost his job unexpectedly that week and he impulsively moved back to his home town to take care of his mum.
I knew something had to have been up, he couldn’t have broken up with me like that for no reason. But wow, that’s so much heavier than I expected. Why couldn’t he tell me that? He couldn’t confide in me after all we’ve been through together? Was I that unreliable?
Part of me wants to reach out to him and ask if he’s doing okay and how his mum is but I’m terrified about opening that chapter up again. I’ve never felt heartbreak like that and I’ve only just started feeling like myself again.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
xb4r7x
That's a rough one. Sounds like he knew he was going to go home and deal with shit, and didn't want to burden you with it or it made his priorities change.
Glittering-Star966
Most guys have been trained by society to not want to be a burden to anybody. We still think of ourselves as "the man of the house" and we are supposed to be a provider. Him going home to look after his Mum pretty much confirms that is how he sees himself. You probably don't want to hear this, but in his mind he is letting you go because he thinks you'd be better off without him.
He wants you to be happy. That takes real unselfish love, even though it will sound like nonsense to you. If you reach out, he'll say he is ok and doesn't need you , but if I were you, I'd be trying to get him back. There aren't many guys like that left around.
Lazy_Cat9396 (OP)
I’m so conflicted. Our relationship was so good. He was exactly the kind of man I dreamt of being with. If I could build my ideal man, it would be him over and over again. Everything aligned so well with him.
This break up was genuinely devastating. I do want him back, so badly. But I’m worried I’m going to look desperate and pathetic chasing after someone who broke up with me like that.
I also don’t know if I’d want to get back with him knowing his response to hard times is to break up with me like I mean nothing. He might learn from this and grow but do I want to take that chance? What happens if we’re married and the inevitably hard times come? Will he ask for a divorce so he doesn’t “burden me”?
KelceStache
It wasn’t you - he didnt want to bring the woman he loves down with him. He felt the weight of the world and felt the less you knew, the better. Not the right way, but likely why.
Alucard_117
I've met men who will absolutely nuke their relationship without warning before they allow themselves to be a burden to their partner. I'm not saying it's right or justified, but I get it. I think he had one of those "you're better off without me" perspectives when he realized how much he was about to give up for his mother.
Fun_Anywhere_6281
Send a letter and let it go. If it goes unanswered then you won't take any steps backward and can move on knowing you sent your well wishes.
greenmojo100
Sounds like his world crashed with a mother who gets cancer and then he lost his job. The man probaly went into self destruct mode. It sounds like he was not thinking clearly at the time. If you really care and love the guy, then the best thing to do is to reach out to him. Dont go through life thinking "what if". Grab your opportunities. Its not often you get a second chance.
Dear-Cranberry4787
Terminal people try to give their partner an out all the time, I’d imagine he did something similar to what these people experience emotionally and intrusively. Check on him.
tuxedo_dantendo
He literally told you the reason though - he wasn't ready for a relationship. He had a lot of stuff happening in his life and it made him realize that pursuing romantic relationships were far less of a priority. People need to start accepting when people say, "I just dont want to be in this relationship anymore."
ApprehensiveAd6476
Oh, wow. That turned dark in a flash. He probably needs all the support he can get. Stage four cancers are terminal almost without exception, so his mom doesn't have much time left. I can't give you definite advice about this. Some people grieve alone, some need love from their loved ones. Keep your doors open for him, and support him if he returns.