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Woman asks if she was wrong to back out of girls trip because friends wanted her to cheat.

Woman asks if she was wrong to back out of girls trip because friends wanted her to cheat.


"I (37f) want to know if I was wrong to back out of a "girls" trip because I didn't want to cheat on my (56m) husband?"


I (37f) want to know if I was wrong to back out of a "girls" trip because I didn't want to cheat on my (56m) husband?

Edit: for clarity, I know cheating is bad and not in question.

The loss of a friend over backing out of trip that i dont believe was a girls trip anymore when they changed it. I felt justified in inviting my husband but my (40f) friend is so upset with me that I am starting to think I was wrong.

My girl friend and I met in a local mommy group and agreed to do play dates with our kids. I was a sahm and connecting with other moms was my way of having adult interaction with kids in tow. Let call her Shay.

Shay and I got close and she had other female friends that she wanted to introduce me to. I was excited to be welcomed into this friend group and we were going to celebrate by going on a girls trip.

I was 100% down for it until I found out that they wanted to do an adults only NSFW cruise. They’re all single and were excited to do this cruise to hook up with guys on the cruise and have some fun.

The thing is I am married. We’ve been together 14 years. Because the nature of the trip changed from just us girls to sexual exploration with other adults I figured that it was a given that my husband is automatically invited. I mean I am married so fidelity is expected.

So in the group conversation, at Shay's house with some girls on the phone, about it I said that I will need to know the new dates asap, since original plans changed, so my mom can watch the kids and my husband can schedule off to come.

They grew silent. And my friendT Shay gives me a dirty look and says wow. And I ask what’s wrong? She didn't say anything and everyone else was just uncomfortably silent. I asked is there a problem with my husband coming? Shay said yeah it's a girls only thing I didn't think you would be THAT kind of friend.

I pointed out this is an adults only basically a sexy cruise and so why wouldn't I bring my husband? Am I suppose to just watch yall hook up and be the miserable third wheel?

And Shay says well… and I cut her off because at this point I am a little mad. I say I like romance too and I need my husband so I can have somebody to be intimate with. Shay says there's going to be men there on the ship.

Another friend spoke up and said there's plenty of men to choose from so you don’t HAVE to be alone. And then I realized that they knew I was married and didnt care. They're expecting me to cheat on my husband. The way explained it is, according to them they're uncomfortable with my husband being there and they would feel much better if I had relations with strangers instead.

They didn't say It's better for me to have romance with strangers. But It's implied. Because they are planning on meeting guys and having some Freaky fun on this cruise, they will be uncomfortable with doing that if my husband is there.

I don't understand how it's just us girls if they are going there to pick out men to hook up with. It's not gonna be just us girls if we are partnering up with men. But they are uncomfortable with my husband being there and the solution to them being happy is if he did not come.

And if I didn't want to be lonely and want to be able to hook up while I'm on the trip too then I should just pick one of the guys that are already gonna be available on the cruise ship. I don't understand why I have to pick some random man that I don't know to have relations with when I've already married my chosen partner.

They don't seem to understand that I'm not comfortable with sleeping with someone that's not my husband. They seem almost confused by why I would take fidelity so seriously.

If my husband went on a trip with his male friends, I will be pretty upset if they pushed him to be romantically intimate with other women if they didn't respect our marriage.

But it doesn't matter that I voice that I wouldn't be comfortable because according to them, them being uncomfortable outweighs me being uncomfortable and that in order for them to be comfortable my only choices are tagging along not hooking up with any of the guys and just watching them all hook up with guys or cheat on my husband. It seems pretty weird that those are the only two options.

I don't totally understand why my husband being present would make them feel uncomfortable because they are single women. they are free to do whatever they want to do. What does my husband being present have anything to do with them?

I had a little bit of a dark thought and I was thinking maybe they want me to be in some type of compromising position so that they could you know take pictures of it and maybe shared on social media or accidentally sent it to my husband.

Why else would a group of single women want to isolate a married woman from her husband and push and pressure her into having sex with people that are not her husband even though she voiced being uncomfortable and not wanting that.

So I'm thinking maybe it's a setup but then again I don't know if I'm just thinking the worst of people because I can't wrap my head around why it's such a big deal about me wanting to not sleep with other men and only wanting to be with just my husband and I also don't think that it's a girl's trip anymore if the objective is to hook up with men.

That doesn't sound like a girls trip to me if you just going to a place to partner up with men that sounds like a group date type of thing and I don't understand why I can't have my chosen date.

Shay says wont tell anything but bringing my husband is disrespectful as well. I got really mad and I lashed out and said I don’t cheat on my husband and I won't be hooking up with randos on a floating std ship and backed out of the trip and went home.

Of course i told my hubby who is upset that they're pressuring me into cheating on him and he says if I go, he goes. I was going to put my foot down and say im bringing my husband anyways but now Shay won't even talk to me. She doesnt answer my calls or texts. Me and my kids are iced out as our kids were friends.

She was so offended by my automated invite of my husband maybe I was wrong not to ask first before planning for him to come. Was I wrong to assume this was a given since I am married and not single?

I haven't been single in a time and is this the norm now? Would you consider a plan to sleep with random people a girls trip? Her ending our friendship makes me doubt I handled it well. Am I crazy or is this expectation unreasonable?

Trip: The original plan was a spa restort in the Caribbean with women only day spas. We had dates and met up to pay deposits. And then boom the cruise was mentioned and everyone besides me immediately agreed to the cruise.

Having a group of men with us at all times didn't sound like it was just girls anymore. I listened to them plan their whole thing without my input. And that's why I put my husband in it. Group dating and hooking up is a not a girls trip.

Cruise details: I never got as far details because we bickered over the sex partners thing. When I googled it I don’t find anything they described. Now I am even more confused on their behavior. Maybe there is no adults only hook up cruise. I found nothing they described. They lied.

Friendship: Shay and I hung out a lot and she was a very nice and funny woman. We had a lot of interests and seemed to naturally vibe with or without our playdates. She seemed so nice that the Shay I encountered that night seemed like a different person.

She went from so nice and sweet to this one moment of idk what. It was completely out of character. I did not jump to ending the friendship with her because I thought something else is going on and this was a flook.

I'm pretty level headed and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I thought after cool heads prevail we could discuss this disconnect. I really thought we had the type of friendship to apologize to each other. I see that I was wrong.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


They seem like pieces of trash they are not your friends stick to your values wow there so much garbage out there.


Miserable people don't tend to like happy people, and it's not rare for them to want to destroy that happiness. I think OP is missing that aspect. Her 'friends' wanted to detonate her marriage. Intentionally. Probably because she is happily married and they aren't.


They are trash. Find new friends who aren’t garbage like them. You did good though.


I think they are manipulating you. Whatever the reason. My thought is they are jealous of the fact that you have a husband. Especially when it comes to single moms, man they can be bitter about the men they don’t have in their lives. As someone who is married, I find it very hard to hang out with single people unless they are family or are a very specific type of person.

Single people don’t realize how often you have to consider other people (your spouse) once you’re married. I think you dodged a bullet with this “friend group”. Hug your hubby tight. Being in a happy marriage is so rare these days.


Why didn't you say "thanks but no thanks" and quietly distance yourself from the friendship group? You "invited your husband" to prove a point. That's not backing out. That's causing additional drama.

So, what do you think with this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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