'Am I overreacting for suspecting my wife after she got a shady 1am call from a guy 'friend' right after a late-night cycling trip?'
"Am I overreacting for suspecting my wife after she got a shady 1am call from a guy 'friend' right after a late-night cycling trip?"
My wife (mid-30s) and I have been married for years, but we’re going through a rocky patch right now—lots of arguments, feeling distant, that kind of thing. Last night, she went out cycling for about 2 hours, which is unusual because it was already dark out.
She comes home, barely says anything, and jumps straight into the shower. A little while after she got in there (not literally right as she started), her phone rings at 1am from some guy she claims is an old friend from university.
I only knew because her iPad (synced to her phone) started ringing in the other room, and the call got picked up almost instantly on her end—like she was expecting it or something.
When I asked about it later, she said who it was and that he was just calling to let her know he’s visiting soon with his son. But she’s never mentioned this guy before, and she didn’t say anything about planning to meet up with anyone.
Given our rough spot and the weird timing, this feels super suspicious to me.
Am I overreacting, or is this a red flag? Thoughts?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You’ve been married for years and she’s never mentioned a guy friend who’s on the “cool to call at 1:00AM for non emergencies” list? Nah, I’d be a lot more than suspicious.
Short thing - if the sync to the iPad will be disabled, you know. Might happen today or tomorrow. Most certainly today.
That’s when I found out my wife was cheating. Sync to the iPad disappeared and there was now a password on her phone. Back then I found out by going through phone records. Good luck my dude.
Who calls at 1am? For anything? You are under reacting.
Obvious_Waltz_2072 (OP)
That’s what I think, she says it is cultural and friends from Taiwan always communicate like this.
It's a huge red flag. Are you sure she was cycling? It sounds like she just cycled over to this guy's house, had a rendezvous, and then cycled back, jumping in the shower immediately to wash off the evidence. He probably called her to make sure she got home safely.
Nah dude, you’re not overreacting. Late night “cycling,” a 1 a.m. call from a mystery uni friend she’s never mentioned, answered instantly while she’s in the shower, during a rough patch in your marriage… that’s sketchy as hell.
I’d treat it as a big yellow flag: not proof she’s cheating, but absolutely enough to warrant a calm, serious talk about boundaries, transparency, and what the hell is actually going on.
Was she still in the shower when he called...? 1 AM? Straight to the shower? Then a phone call at 1 AM? From a man??? Should I count the flags for you? NOR, but you're still too calm.
I would personally consider this a red flag if this is completely out of left field. NOR. However before all of us reddit experts sway you either way, just note it. You may be on high alert due to your rocky patch.
If she loves you and you her, you will firstly open up and communicate. The best way to destroy a relationship is by shutting down and not talking to reconnect. Please.. use your words and be open, honest and respectful.
Any time I've been in a relationship and we've gotten to a point that I suspect they're cheating, I've always brought it up rationally and respectfully first. Every single time they denied it vehemently. Yet, every single time, I turned out to be right.
You don't get those gut feelings for nothing, you are smarter than you give yourself credit for and your brain is always working over time to spot these things even subconsciously. If you truly believe your partner is cheating or capable of cheating, it doesn't matter how many conversations you have, the trust is gone and the relationship is over.
Was it a FaceTime call? Possible while in shower… Nor. Definitely cheating. Was she sweaty from a bike ride or something else? And her reason for the call doesn’t explain why it’s at 1am, and she picked up immediately…
Obvious_Waltz_2072 (OP)
I’m not sure it could have been from Line or WhatsApp too, I don’t know if they make different sounds when they call.
NOR. You’re under-reacting. Who goes for a bike ride late at night? She could come up with a better lie? And I’d be assuming that phone call was a Did you get home ok? call. Because who else would phone at 1am? Certainly no one who’s only telling her they’re “visiting soon”. Complete rot.
She’s doing something behind your back. And the most obvious thing is cheating. Or making plans to leave. Either way, you need to sit her down and try to have a calm but firm discussion with her. Tell her you want the truth. After years of marriage, don’t you deserve it? You should also think about what you’re going to do if she does confess to an affair.