'I caught my boyfriend with another girl and now he wants to break up. Help!' UPDATED
"I (21f) caught my boyfriend (21m) with another girl and now he wants to break up. Help!"
My bf and I are both 21. We dated in high school before we broke up at the end of senior year for some reasons. In the beginning of sophomore year of college, I transferred to the college my bf goes to because I wanted to try our relationship out again. After many months, my bf agreed to start dating again.
We haven't had any relationship problems that I know of because he tells me everything. Last weekend, we had a bad fight which resulted in my bf leaving in the middle of a party. We didn't speak a lot since then bc we needed time to cool off.
Anyway, yesterday I was driving around a couple stores and I saw my bfs car in the parking lot of a restaurant. I promise I wasn't thinking anythings bad and I just wanted to see what was up. When I walked in, I saw my bf with another girl.
They were sitting in a booth just talking to each other. I have no idea who the girl is and have no idea where they might know each other. I don't remember everything in detail bc I was so upset but I admit I did say some things that weren't really nice bc I was emotional.
The girl looked kind of scared and quickly left. My bf tried to go after her but I told him we, as a couple, needed to talk. He told me that he drove her to the restaurant and needed to make sure she left okay.
I was upset about this because he doesn't like when I drive with him. I almost started to cry. She ended up getting an Uber I think and I asked my bf to meet me at my apartment so we could talk. He got there before me and when I pulled up he said he wasn't going inside and would stay in his car.
To summarize it, he was angry at me and said he wanted to break up. I felt blindsided and said that he was the one cheating yet he wants to break up with me? He was the one with another girl without telling me and he gets to end it? He called me delusional and said we were over and he would have some friends pick up his stuff from my place.
I feel so lost right now. I don't know what happened and I'm honestly pissed that he, the cheater, made me feel like the problem. I just don't know what to do guys. I tried to text him but all he responded was that his friends were coming tomorrow. I'm just really upset and I don't know what to say.
Does anyone have advice?
Edit: Okay people are just being mean. I used my exes emails so he can get these notifications but apparently, everyone thinks I'm a villain. I'm prob just going to delete this.
Reddit readers were up in arms and frankly, pretty harsh.
Okay well this is wild. You transferred colleges to try your relationship again? And it took months to convince him? You run into him at a restaurant with a girl who is visibly already upset and then fly off the handle, causing a scene, without any context whatsoever?
You don't even know if he cheated or not. Sitting next to someone in a booth and talking to them is not cheating. Either way, your behaviour is unpredictable and controlling and he absolutely can break up with you, and should.
I think you would benefit from some time alone and therapy to be honest because this is not a normal way to treat your partner.
He might have been comforting a friend. If it was innocent and you’ve behaved the way you did, then he owes you nothing as it doesn’t sound like you gave him a chance. If he was cheating then walk away.
I see no reason for you to think that he cheated. You said yourself that she was crying and he wasn’t even next to her. He was talking with another human—without your permission—and you went cray-cray.
People have more than one reason to interact: it isn’t always sexy times. I’m glad for your ex-boyfriend that he won’t have to put up with someone who thinks she is entitled to police his relationships.
Okay, you sound real immature from reading your replies, and I don’t mean that disrespectfully. This guy sounds like he has been looking for a way out to be honest.
I doesn’t matter about the history you’ve shared or the length of time you’ve known each other. It doesn’t matter what sacrifices you’ve made for the relationship.
He doesn’t want to be with you and that’s okay. It’s his loss. Shed your tears and move on to better things. You’re 21, this will be one of many break ups.
Readers laid into the OP pretty hard, but no one saw the next post coming. The boyfriend in question was alerted when the post went viral and took to the forums to share his response.
Update
Hi, this is the 'cheating boyfriend'. My ex-girlfriend Becca used my email to create this account so every comment came to me. I use this email just for my subscriptions so I usually don't check this one.
She just texted me telling me to check this email so here I am. I'm a bit surprised how this post blew up and I was not planning on commenting but it seems a lot of you were losing your minds with her antics so I thought I would give you all a piece of mind. I didn't want to edit on her post because I did not want to confuse people.
To start off, Becca and I dated all throughout high school. At the end of our senior year, she decided to break up with me so she can 'explore her options'. I obviously was upset with this because I thought what we had was enough but apparently, she wanted to go into college without a 'burden' (her words).
So, freshman year, I made a lot of new friends and discovered new hobbies of mine. When sophomore year came around, I felt like a new person. I had no idea she planned on transferring until the day she showed up.
Within the first week, she had already made plans of getting back together. I told her I needed time and she respected that.
After a while, I was getting lonely and I guess the familiarity of her brought back memories and we decided to make it work. She was never really 'possessive' or as some of you called it, 'crazy'.
She always hated feeling left out and I guess her reasoning for being like this was that she missed out on a whole year and wanted to catch up to me.
What she said was true, she did get attention from guys and although she never did anything, she reveled in the fact that she got attention from others, bringing it up any chance she got ending it with, 'But don't worry, I wouldn't do anything'.
I started to understand that the break up in high school was so she could hook up with other people without feeling guilty. She went to a small school and I believe that by the time the 'fun' wore off, she wanted to go back to a stable relationship.
I admit, I shouldn't have stayed away but I guess I got used to the stability as well.
One of my new hobbies was working at an animal shelter. I usually go once or twice a week in the mornings to help out for a couple of hours. One of the other volunteers, Audrey, is the 'girl at the restaurant'.
I do not know this girl other than working with her once a week. I know shes 19 and know that she likes cats and that's about it. On the day of the whole restaurant scene, I found Audrey crying in the break room having a breakdown.
When she could finally talk, she mentioned that her ex boyfriend showed and demanded to speak to her. From what she said, he was not a good person and partner. She told him to not come near her, and he showed up at work so she would freak out in public.
I offered to distract him so she could leave but she said she cannot drive and her brother dropped her off but he was at work. I offered to drop her off somewhere and she said yes.
Another thing Becca did not mention, I also work at the restaurant where we went. It was a pretty slow time there so we sat at a booth so she could compose herself. She was very apologetic and obviously very upset. My manager said we could stay as long as we wanted until Audrey was okay.
Around this time, Becca stormed in. She claims she 'does not remember what she said' but I do. I wont go into detail because I don't even want to think about it. There were a lot of gross accusations thrown at me and the things she said to Audrey were straight up evil.
She went on for a while despite me telling her to stop and only did when Audrey got up to leave. She was still distraught from before and on top of Becca, she looked terrified. What should have been a way for her to calm down and receive support turned into a screaming attack from someone she doesn't even know.
The second Audrey was gone, Becca became very calm and started saying stuff like, 'Babe, we need to talk. I didn't like this'. I agreed to speak somewhere else only because I thought I was going to get fired and I was so embarrassed.
On the way there, I felt like I had a mid (quarter?) life crisis. I realized that this was just the breaking point. For the whole time we were together, she would obsess with cheating.
She was always nervous I would cheat or if a guy spoke to her, she assumed he was cheating on his girlfriend by talking to her. I don't know if it was projecting or some type of disillusions but I realized I could not keep doing this with her.
On top of that, I was upset with what happened with Audrey. I don't know where she went after that and I have no way of contacting her.
At her apartment, I told her I couldn't do this anymore. I was done with the relationship and did not want her in my life anymore. I went into detail saying that what she is doing is not healthy and for a while now everything she does has been wearing me down.
Still, she accused me of cheating and everything else she wrote. This is where I called her delusional and left.
Anyways, I wanted to clear some stuff up for anyone interested. My friends plan on picking up some clothes that I left at her apartment for me but at this point, I don't even want to bother, she can keep or throw out whatever I have there.
I think a lot of your comments got to her because when she texted me to check her email, she said that that was her 'goodbye' to our relationship and that she was done and would cooperate.
I'm not sure I fully believe that but its time to move on from this so I'm not going to push it. Hopefully, Audrey will be at the shelter next week and I can hopefully talk to her and apologize.
Anyways, I'm sorry to anyone who got frustrated with the original post. Just wanted to let everyone know I am okay and that this 'event' cleared up pretty fast.
Readers had this to say after hearing more details from the now ex-boyfriend:
Your ex is unhinged! Transferring to your school without your knowledge for the sole purpose of being with you is full blown unhinged behaviour. This girl has some serious issues.
Glad you ended it with her. Hope Audrey is safe and breaks free from her abusive ex. Hope your ex saw your post and realizes just how messed up she is and seeks psychiatric help.
Yeah it is complicated when you are young, thank you for updating and I wish you the best in your life.
Whew thanks for clearing up the mess hopefully Audrey is ok now
Wow this was like a movie. It sounds like what most of us were saying did hold to be true. So sorry you’re experiencing this and best of luck in the future. It sounds like you handled everything the best you possibly could. I hope your ex is able to get the help she needs to work on how she behaves in future relationships.
I hope your ex grows up. She seems to be lacking self awareness. If she’s not controlling, she’s definitely way too entitled. She needs to learn it’s not “her way or the highway”. I hope she learned a lesson in this and at least realizes respect is necessary in any relationship. She definitely did not respect you.
Brutal. The break may be hard but it definitely sounds like it’s for the best. It sucks she transferred to your school because now you’ll never be able to be fully away from her. And hopefully she doesn’t turn evil and try to destroy you by spreading rumors.
Omg be glad to be rid of an unhinged person..your ex clearly has a few screws loose. Her responses in the original post is super cringe..imagine being that self centered & entitled..be careful she just might go single white female on your next partner.