'AITA for letting my husband pay all our expenses after I found him cheating?'
"AITA for letting my husband pay all our expenses after I found him cheating?"
Me (F30) and my husband (M30) have been in a relationship for 10 years now, and married for 3 years. Before we got married we agreed that all our shared expenses will be split in half since we almost earn the same, and in case one of us got a higher salary increase, expenses will be proportional to our current salary. For example, if he had a 5% increase, then his share of the expenses will be higher than mine.
Moreover, we also put equal amount on our savings account monthly - each of us deposit 10% of our salary in a savings account under my name as we did not open a joint account. 1 year in our marriage I caught him cheating. I saw a text on his phone from a familiar name that contextually is romantic and it hit me that he is cheating on me.
I confronted him, at first he denied it but eventually admitted it and apologized. I love my husband very much so I decided to forgive him and go on with our lives, but as a consequence of his action I told him that I won't be sharing our expenses and that it should be his burden from now on so he would be more responsible and I thought that the less money he has for himself, less likely that he'll cheat again.
Besides, divorce is not an option here in our country. We go on with our lives like normal in this new arrangement, and just two months ago I found him cheating again. I confronted him again. He said he won't do it again. But two weeks ago the girl came to our house and told us she is pregnant with my husband's child. He was shocked. I was dumbfounded. And I finally left.
I have been getting phone calls and messages from my husband but I was not responding at all. When I finally calmed down, I answered his call and he was pleading for me to come back but I no longer want to, I made it clear. After a few days, he messaged me to get his half of our savings from my account so he could afford the girl's pregnancy expenses. I still said no.
He said I was cold hearted b*$ch and that the baby has nothing to do with all that happened and that I should spare the baby. Apparently, he has no personal savings since a lot of the bills were shouldered by himself and that he would like start from scratch with a baby and a girl who has no job. So AITA for considering our savings restitution for what he did to me?
Here's what people had to say:
Something-bothersome wrote:
INFO
How is he going to “start from scratch” when he can’t divorce you?
NTA btw.
And OP responded:
I mean financially. He has to pay all his bills, his new child, and save.
LukeHeart wrote:
NTA he cheated on you. Though can I ask what country you live in that doesn’t allow divorces?
And OP responded:
Philippines.
Live_Studio_7658 wrote:
NTA. But only because his expanding family will mean less for you and your family. You will undoubtedly have to dip into savings to manage since you cannot divorce. This is what savings are for, unexpected life issues that require more money than our monthly salary can afford. Even if you want to keep it for selfish reasons, doesn’t necessarily make it a wrong reason.
The baby is absolutely innocent, but the parents are responsible and just like the baby of a stranger 100 miles away is innocent, I am not about to shoulder the financial responsibility for either child. I assume his future monthly salary and will be his to spend how he sees fit. He can take of his responsibility with that.
Ikeeprejoiningwhy wrote:
NTA. He clearly isn’t going to stop cheating, and chances are good he’ll cheat on the latest girlfriend as well. Take what you can from him now because he’s not going to have much in the future.
Trevena_Ice
NTA. Yes, the baby has nothing to do with this situation - and you have nothing to do with the baby. So why should you pay for it?