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'AITA for throwing my friend a surprise bday party and NOT inviting her married BF?'

'AITA for throwing my friend a surprise bday party and NOT inviting her married BF?'


One surprise at a time, ladies.

Surprise birthday parties are almost a legally binding agreement in the female friendship community at this point. So, when two friends thought they had thrown together a nice celebration for her with friends and love ones, they were shocked that she was upset about one mystery man being left off of the guest list.

"AITA for throwing my friend a surprise birthday party and NOT inviting her secret married lover?"


A girlfriend and I threw our other girlfriend a surprise birthday party. It was a large gathering that included her family, friends and business associates.

She’s the kind of person who loves these sorts of celebratory events, and the “surprise” aspect of this wasn’t upsetting or uncomfortable for her at all. She absolutely loved the party and all the effort we put into it.

The issue came afterwards, when the man she’s having a secret affair with loses his s$*t that he wasn’t invited. He’s married (she isn’t) and no one knows about the affair except the two of us friends throwing the party.

Now, I don’t care AT ALL about how he felt about being excluded. He however, successfully got our friend upset about it as well, to the point of her telling us it was crappy of us not to invite him. WTH?!? I’m absolutely shocked she had the audacity to say this to us. Looking to all of you to let me know if I’m in the wrong. Thanks!!

Comments came out of the gate fast and differing wildly:


You should ask his wife if you are TA for not inviting her husband. NTA


When you decide to be a Back Door Man, your identity is supposed to remain a secret. He must not understand how his life is supposed to work? All he really seems unhappy about, IMO, is that he wasn't there to make sure no one else was coveting his 'treasure?'


I don’t understand how people are not more upset about this. I would not be in contact with somebody who willingly go out with somebody married and I would totally snitch on them to the partner. Op can do better than just accept that situation.


Yta for being friends with cheating trash.


I can disagree with a friend's choices without expecting to be allowed to make their choices, though? Just sayin'. As much as I hate the idea of cheaters, and refuse to involve myself in skull duggery - I remind myself that people make bad decisions along with good ones, and I still can't live their lives for them. (This is me now. Not me 20 years ago, though.)


I used to think the same way when I was younger...then I got cheated on. So now I make damn sure everyone knows I will happily tell the affected partner so they can make their own decisions on whether or not to continue the relationship. Cheaters are trash and if you have friends/coworkers that cheat and you keep your mouth shut your trash too.


It's really puritanical isn't it? Casting them out of the village for their harlotry. People are typically shades of grey, you can understand that and give them a hard time, urge them to be better, and (hopefully) see them grow. Or you can limit your interactions to only people exactly like you. I feel like the latter isn't actually the better choice overall.

What would you say if your friend had this reaction after throwing her a surprise party? Should she have invited the ' secret lover?'

Sources: Reddit
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