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Husband blows up at wife for not letting his mom be first to hold newborn. AITA?

Husband blows up at wife for not letting his mom be first to hold newborn. AITA?


In a post on Reddit a new mom is having trouble with her monster-in-law, mother-in-law, about being first in line to hold her new baby. She was put in a tough situation, and is now asking for advice. Here's her story...

"AITA for not letting my MIL be the 1st person to hold my baby?"

When I f26 met my husband's m34 mom I hoped for a healthy mother figure type relationship. She's okayish; but she can be a little controlling given that my husband is her only child; she tends to act super protective of him.

When I got pregnant, MIL made a request to be the first person to hold my son after he's born. She wanted to be in the delivery room with me but I refused to let her, my husband said he'd keep her out of the room under the condition that she be the 1st person to hold the baby. I didn't agree but didn't disagree as well. Just stayed silent.

The baby was born days ago. All my husband was worried about was having his mom be the 1st to meet the baby, but she was out of town attending a friend's daughter's wedding. He said she wouldn't be back til 2 days later.

My mom and sister already came to help, and they held my son as they were helping me after my husband went back to work. I had no other help and they were my go to.

My MIL and my husband knew. They both went off and started throwing a fit saying that I betrayed her, and that I made a promise then broke it. My husband tried to get her to calm down after she came home lashing out, but she scolded us both then walked out.

He blew up at me saying I screwed up and violated the agreement we had. I said that my mom and sister were HELPING me out, and held the baby so what? He got more pissed and claimed I had no respect for his mom and her wishes and told me that I hurt her feelings and ruined her grandbaby's birth memory.

I couldn't keep arguing. He called me unbelievably selfish and demanded I fix my mistake, but I wasn't sure what he meant by that. Like redo the baby's birth and have his mom be the first to hold him?

He didn't like my sarcasm and said that what I did was sneaky and cold hearted. He said he should've let his mom in the delivery room otherwise none of this would've happened.

They're both are still salty about it and are sulking hard. AITA?

Most people were on her side, but some people thought she could still apologize:


NTA, but maybe you should apologise to her: I'm sorry when you asked about being the first to hold my baby I didn't say anything and that this led you to believe I agreed.

I should have been clearer that this was an unreasonable request and that I will not prioritise one grandparent over the other. My mother was there to help me, I was not going to deny letting her hold her grand child because you'd made a childish request.


NTA While I don’t think it was right that you let them believe she would be first, she was out of town and you needed help. It’s completely unreasonable of her to expect you to wait for her return while managing a baby alone. Other people thought the whole argument was ridiculous:


Wouldn't the first person to hold the baby always be YOU, THE MOM?! Your MIL and your husband are both a#$holes. NTA


Usually the ob is the first person to hold the baby, then the delivery nurse. When my kids were born, the nurse gave the kid to me after getting cleaned up, measured, etc and then I gave them to my wife.


I will add, sweetheart, that labor and delivery is a medical procedure, and that your mother has about as much right to be in the delivery room while your wife delivers a baby as she does to be in the surgical suite if your wife needs her appendix out.

Even if your mother1 were an OB or a delivery nurse or a midwife, she wouldn’t be your wife’s OB or delivery nurse or midwife.

No one has the right to be in the delivery room with your wife except the medical staff, not even you. And very few women want to be naked and in pain in front of their mothers-in-law.

Your mother had a want. Your baby had needs. Your baby needed to be fed and changed and rocked and cuddled. Your wife needed help doing that while recovering from a major medical procedure.

Maybe, if your mother had been in town, she could have been the one helping your wife care for your newborn child. But your mother was out of town, and the baby doesn’t have a pause feature. The baby isn’t waiting to be changed until your mother returns.

You should be pissed as hell at your mother for her selfishness and unreasonableness. And you should thank your lucky stars that your wife is probably too tired to call a divorce attorney right now. I hope you come to your senses before she feels better.

Sources: Reddit
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