Pregnant woman done being free childcare for SIL; says, 'your burden isn't my problem.'
"AITA for wanting to tell my SIL I don’t want to watch her kid anymore?"
Illustrious-Plum-926
I female (28) am with my fiancé male (28) and together we have an almost 2 year old. When my SIL (32) had her child I offered to watch her child while she got back into work because I understand it’s hard leaving your small baby in a daycare.
This was never intended to be long term but a nice gesture from myself as I don’t charge her. However I am now pregnant again with my second child. I am 3 months pregnant and struggling with emotions and morning sickness.
I can barely be present for my 2 year old nonetheless watch my child and along with her almost 1 year old. Her child cries a lot due to teething and I’m not sure how to soothe her as she doesn’t nap well and is a generally fussy baby compared to my child.
I’m at my wits end and have cried to my fiancé multiple times about how emotionally draining it is to watch both. I mentioned to my SIL that they need to find childcare as well as did my fiancé. My SIL asked to bare with them while they find a place but mentioned she thinks she may have found a place.
That was a MONTH ago. So now I’m growing impatient and annoyed as I feel as though I’m struggling mentally and nobody seems to care even though I have made it apparent and how much of a burden it is for me. If that was my child I would’ve found a place within a week or two.
However, I’m at a loss of how to bring it up again without appearing rude and my fiancé says to be patient as he is sure it’s almost done but I argue how he would know that when there seems to be no end date in sight. If I bring it up again AITA? Should I wait another month? Help.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Stranger0nReddit
NTA. She's the one being rude because you've already told her you they need to find childcare and they still haven't a month later. It's time to be firm and clear, and if they consider that rude, oh well. "I know finding childcare is difficult, but it's been a month since I brought it up. This will be my last week watching your daughter. I hope you understand"
needofanap
Agree except you need to give 2 weeks. That will give SIL time to ask for time off from work if she can't find childcare. I sincerely doubt she has been looking for childcare. You have saved them a fortune by watching their child and I'm sure they want to avoid childcare cost as long as possible.
HeirOfRavenclaw
No, they don’t get two more weeks. They already had a month to figure it out. She had 4 weeks to plan time off work if she needed it.
BurnAfterEating420
People like this are total pushovers that WILL be taken advantage of. "You need to give them 2 weeks", uh no. She told them a month ago, she doesn't "need" to give them any more time. it's THEIR child and their responsibility. They've been taking advantage of OP and this person thinks they need to just be two weeks more lenient with them. hard no to that.
dncrmom
Hard disagree. You would be fine telling her today is the last day I will be watching your child. She has already given a month’s notice.
Reasonable-Sale8611
NTA. Both of these people keep telling you to be patient but neither of them is the one with the problem. They are both telling YOU to be ok with this problem. I mean basically they don't have standing to tell you to be patient. Especially when the baby's parents are not paying you for this.
It is not good for you or for your baby, for you to be under this sort of stress. I think you should just tell your fiances sister (you don't have the protection of marriage yet so I'm not going to call her your SIL) that, beginning on Monday (yes, this Monday), you will no longer be able to babysit her child and that she will have to make other arrangements.
She or her spouse may have to take parental leave but, they are the parents of their baby and it's their job, not yours, to suffer the burden of providing childcare for their baby.
You're not being paid for this, so there's no contract to break. You're doing your fiance's sister a huge, huge, huge favor, and she's not entitled for that to go on any longer than you are willing to continue doing this huge favor.
Wonderful-Lie-650
NTA. Here's what you say, "I don't mean to sound rude, and I love your kid. But I'm pregnant and I can't keep doing this. It's too stressful to watch 2 toddlers, especially when they're fussy. I'll help out for this week, but you need to find someone else."
You've been providing free babysitting for long enough. It's time to prioritize your health and helping your child adjust to all the big changes that are about to happen in your home.