Teacher changes child into 'proper play clothes'; mom is furious. AITA?
"AITA for changing a student's clothes?"
I've run a home daycare for 10 years now. 2 months ago, I had a new client 'Cindy' enroll her daughter 'Breanne', aged 1 1/2 years old. Cindy always dresses Breanne in darling dresses, tights, dress shoes, etc. Often they're designer.
When Breanne started, I explained she is going to get dirty here. I use smocks for art and bibs for children her age at meals, but sometimes things slip through. Plus, we go outside and there's dirt, sand, etc.
I said they could dress her however they want, but she will get dirty. I think Cindy underestimated how dirty Breanne would get. On the third day, we were doing an activity with paint. Breanne was wearing a smock but she still somehow managed to get it on her dress. Cindy had a freakout.
I explained she needed to send her in clothes she felt comfortable getting dirty. She told me it was my job to figure it out. Breanne has trouble playing outside because of her shoes. I explained this to Cindy and she told me that she'd be fine. Yet, it was an issue when the shoes got dirty.
I have a very supportive community and get lots of donations throughout the year of extra diapers, supplies, toys, clothes and shoes. I often give these out to my clients who are on assistance or I'll keep them in case a child runs out of something.
What I began doing on Monday was changing Breanne into proper play clothes (long sleeved t-shirt, leggings, etc). Towards the end of the day, I change her back. I didn't tell Cindy what I was doing but didn't see the big deal because Breanne's fancy clothes went home clean.
Every Friday, I upload pictures from the week onto a private app for parents to look at so they can see what we do. I did this during naptime today. 15 minutes later, I get a call from Cindy.
She is furious that Breanne is wearing 'those clothes' and asked why she isn't in her dresses. I explained what was going on. She said I had no right to change her daughter's outfit without her consent and she can dress her however she wants. I informed her that this was how we would do things unless she was going to dress Breanne in proper attire.
Cindy's husband picked up today and assured me he is on my side. He thinks his wife will get over it. I was telling my own husband about it and he told me I was wrong because it is her kid and she has a say in what she wears. AITA?
People had some surprisingly varying reactions:
NTA for all the reasons. The only thing that is a bit iffy to me is the fact that you didn't mention it at all to the parents before you did it.
No matter how good your intentions are (and I would've done the exact same if i was wearing your shoes, especially if the kid is not comfortable playing outside, that's just plain sad), it's always a good idea to at least mention what you're doing to the parents beforehand. This way, they don't have to 'find out' at the end of the week and feel betrayed I guess.
That is disgustingly disturbing behavior and I hope your husband can see how inappropriate that is. I would also be worried for the young kids’ safety. I think you are valid to state how you feel about all of this to your husband and stepson. Therapy is one thin but this kid needs potentially more help. This is deviant behavior.
YTA. Secretly undressing a kid twice a day to change her clothes without parental consent is super weird. Let the designer clothes get dirty. The mom also sucks, btw. But as someone who has nannied I don’t even understand the logistics here—two full clothes changes a day, when you’re responsible for the care of other children, doesn’t make sense.
The added laundry doesn’t make sense. I think this whole thing is fictional and Reddit doesn’t get it because so few of the users have ever supervised children. In an emergency, a change of clothes? Sure. Twice a day every day? Liability issue. Fiction.
Nta. She told you to figure it out. You figured it out.
Your husband's kind of a dingdong. Does he think she also has a say on the laws of physics that will magically stop the messes she keeps yelling about? NTA, Cindy sounds like either an influencer or a brand-new parent who doesn't get it. Maybe both.
NTA and I sympathize. Whenever I got a new family touring I’d make it very clear with their parents at the first meeting what our class/school would be like.
The mom wants to have her cake and eat it too. Either the clothes get dirty, or she wears different clothes. Those are realistically the only two outcomes, and it's very generous of you to provide appropriate clothing.
If the mom doesn't like it, she can find clothes that can get dirty which are still acceptable to her, or she can find a different childcare option. Or she can get over her strange desire to dress a toddler in clothes she isn't okay with the toddler using for toddler activities.
As a daycare worker/preschool teacher this is one of my biggest pet peeves! In my classrooms now I have a big poster that says - if I come home a little messy that means I’m learning! At this young age kids learn so much through play and inevitably they will have evidence of that on their clothes.
We do the best we can to mitigate that, but you know your child is at a good school if they use paint/sensory materials/ play outside, etc. We’d use smocks, bibs, keep hands and faces clean, and noses wiped, but accidents still happened.
One year I had a mom completely lose her sh*t at me because she’d dress her 2yo like you’re describing, but I stood my ground and luckily my director had my back.
Either deal with it, dress your child appropriately, or you may need to find a new place for your child if this is such an issue. (Honestly if you’re more worried about dressing your kids in designer clothes and keeping them pristine than them learning and having fun, you are doing your child a disservice)