'AITA for calling the police on my ex for leaving his kid while his GF was giving birth?'
"AITA for calling police on my ex for abandoning his child at mine while his girlfriend was giving birth?"
Major-Table-3158
I (32f) have been married to my ex "Dan" (35m) for 6 years before we divorced at the end of 2020 due to him cheating with "Kate". Kate and Dan have a son who is 3 which was conceived and born during the pandemic while I was under high risk and their entire affair has cost me some of my physical health, not just mental one.
After the divorce, Dan moved out from my house and we haven't spoken since. Last week, Dan suddenly dropped his son at my house without giving me any warning or explanation. He only mumbled that Kate was giving birth to their second child and needed him in the delivery room due to complications.
He left before I could protest and I have tried texting and calling him multiple times and have received no reply. I do not know why he thought it is a good idea as I had plans and they definitely don't involve someone else's child.
I ended up calling the authorities and have told them what happened, explained it is not my child and I haven't agreed to look after him and his dad is not responding. They took the child and I didn't heard anything else about it.
That is, until very the early hours of the same day when my ex called me calling me an AH as the cops found them in the hospital and basically forced him out of delivery room so he could look after his child. So, he missed the birth of his second and Kate had some complications, so she is in intensive care.
He also started shouting, saying that his and Kate's parents are living on the opposite ends of the country and have medical conditions which means they can't look after his son.
I have told him that he should have used his brain cells and thought about it in advance instead of dumping the product of his affair at my house, knowing that me and him are not civil, but he called me an even bigger AH.
I have mentioned this to some of my family and friends and while some people are on my side, others agree with my ex saying I should have looked after the kid and I was an AH for calling the cops. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's post:
Enough-Process9773
NTA. I mean, I do feel for that poor kid, being dropped off at a total stranger's house, who then calls the police and the police take him to his dad and his dad is stressed and furious. That must have been a hellishly traumatising night for him.
But you didn't decide to traumatise the boy like that: his dad did. Of course his dad should have figured out ahead of time what the plan was for looking after a three-year-old if his mom had to go to the hospital. Of course the plan should not have included "dump boy on ex with no notice".
blondeheartedgoddess
NTA. The cheating ex isn't the only one at fault. Good old Kate, the AP, was involved, too. What to do with the child should have (and likely was) part of the birthing plan. They had a good 8 months to figure this out. Don't either of these mental giants have friends? Their best option was to drop the boy off at a stranger's home, expecting the stranger to just accept the situation?
NTA. NTA. NTA.
It's not like the child was put into the foster system. They just returned him to the responsible (cough, cough) party.
DominarDio
You haven’t spoken to this man in 3 years and he suddenly turns up expecting you to look after the child he had with his affair partner? This is absolutely bonkers.
Of course it was a very shitty situation for the child to be in but that’s not your fault or responsibility. Dad put him in that situation. NTA.
Final_Figure_7150
"He also started shouting saying that his and Kate's parents are living at the opposite ends of the country and have medical conditions which mean they can't look after his son." Bit rich of him to expect you to care about any of that, after he gave zero craps about your health.
I have mentioned this to some of my family and friends and while some people are on my side, others agree with my ex saying I should have looked after the kid and an AH for calling the cops. Tell those other friends they are more than welcome to look afte a child that's dropped on their door step, but doesn't mean you have to do the same. NTA.
ChibiSailorMercury
"others agree with my ex saying I should have looked after the kid and an AH for calling the cops."
They're wrong. It's not your job to keep the peace and make life easier for your cheating ex, who made your life harder by his cheating while wasting years of your life and negatively affecting your health.
His lack of preparation is not your emergency. Since divorce, you're not his back up plan anymore. Don't want the police to treat you like a neglectful parent? Easy. Don't be one. NTA.
I-hear-the-coast
NTA. “My wife is giving birth who do I trust to watch my child …. Strangers I pay? No. …. Friends? Don’t have any …. Oh I know! A woman who is essentially my enemy!” Bonkers.
palmam
On behalf of women who have been taken for granted and used for CENTURIES.. Thank you for saying no and following it up with action. If your relatives think you should've acted like a doormat, ask them to take flying face-first leap into a concrete wall.
compiledexploit
NTA. Good for you for sticking up for yourself. 100% he was dipping his toe in the water to see how much he could get away with putting on you. It's his fault for not having the common sense to use google to find an overnight sitter.