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Parents agree to younger daughter's birthday wish, 'a day without my older sister.' AITA?

Parents agree to younger daughter's birthday wish, 'a day without my older sister.' AITA?


"AITA for agreeing with my daughter that she doesn’t have to invite her sister to her birthday party since she is jealous"


My two girls do not get along, it has to deal with some jealously issues my oldest daughter has towards her younger sister. This has been a issue since they have been in the same middle school. My oldest is in 8th grade and my youngest is in 6th grade.

The issue started when my youngest started doing better in school. She would come home with straight As. My oldest is good academically also but she is usually a B student and getting an A is a big deal for her. That came to a head when my oldest started telling the youngest she didn’t deserve her grade. We put her in counseling after that.

Overall the relationship has not been getting better. The main issue at the moment is my oldest calling her sister shallow for the things she likes and keeps commenting she is popular mean girl ( we looked into this, she hasn’t done anything wrong)

My youngest birthday is coming up and she want to do to the indoor water park with a few of her friends. We do parties for both girls so this was fine. She asked if she could have this without her sister since her attitude would ruin her day.

I talked it over with my spouse and we agreed that I would go and watch the kids and he would stay home with the oldest. Everyone is happy but my oldest, she thinks we are major jerks for not allowing her to go even after we explained why multiple time.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


I highly doubt this Is over some grades. Also aren't they still In the same middle school?? Normally kids don't act like this to their siblings unless parents are favoriting the other child. Also what do you mean you "looked Into It".. how exactly did you as the parent look Into It.

The OP responded here:


We went to the school and her teachers asking if she was having any bullying behavior or not getting along with her classmates. Nothing, she isn’t even the most popular person in her class she is just jumps between two friends groups which we knew.

We really haven’t done any favoritism and we have mentioned that and our oldest didn’t give us any example. We put all report cards on the fridge, we celebrate both of them.


NTA. Your youngest is entitled to her own birthday parties even if there was no bad blood. HOWEVER you will be TA if you don’t get to the root of what’s going on because it’s definitely more than some grades. I had the same age gap with my older and younger sister.

So my older was in 8th when I was in 6th and my younger was in 6th when I was in 8th and it’s light years between those two grades. 8th graders don’t commonly get jealous of 6th graders grades.

8th grade is hard and scary bc high school is next and there is a focus on how much everything follows you to college and through life at that point. I am also a teacher and have found most 8th graders aren’t comparing themselves to 6th graders like that. I think more is going on and you need to parent up and talk to them and possibly even introduce therapy.


You and your partner are in agreement, you've explained it and it seems fair. Have you told your oldest she doesn't have to invite the youngest to her birthday? Might soften the blow a little but all in all, she is now seeing cause and effect and that's why she' unhappy. NTA.


NTA. You didn’t exclude her. Your youngest didn’t exclude her. Yours oldest’s actions excluded her. This is a lesson she gets to learn that her actions have consequences. She doesn’t get to treat her sister poorly and still benefit from her sisters event. She did this to herself and hopefully it’s a wake up call that she needs to start adjusting her behaviour.


NTA. Your youngest deserves to have a fantastic birthday without the mood being ruined. I get it, it's tough for your older daughter, but sometimes separate plans are the way to go. However, to ease the tension, maybe plan a special day or outing just for your older girl too. Let her know you want some quality time with her as well.

It's important to address the underlying issues in their relationship and find ways to strengthen their bond in the long run. You also can let them express their feelings in a safe space. I'm sure with plenty of understand ing and non stop support from both of you as parents, they'll come to be in harmony soon.


NTA. As the younger sibling to someone who simply hated me for existing and hated the idea of me succeeding or being liked by anyone anywhere, and who made up stories about all the "preferential" treatment I got (which included things like, I had some friends and dared to ask my parents to attend my graduations, while she also had friends and also had our parents at her graduations), just keep them apart.

The older one needs to learn other people have things, and the younger needs to know she shouldn't have to just shrink or disappear to keep the peace.

So, do you think the OP and her husband made the right call here for their children? Is this really helping the situation?

Sources: Reddit
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