10yo daughter with leukemia won't talk to dad; he saw a bear and didn't wake her up. UPDATE
"AITA for refusing to let my wife wake our daughter up to see a bear?"
aitabear
My wife, kids (12f, 10f, 8m, 6m, 4m), and I just spent 3 weeks at our cabin while we got some repairs done on our house. Our 10 year old, Rose, has leukemia. A lot of the activities around the cabin are outdoors and Rose doesn't usually have the energy for that. So one of her favorite activities has been watching the wildlife from this big window seat in the master bedroom and taking pictures of what she sees.
Her goal since she started doing this was to see a bear. There are some in the area but it's not too common to see one. She has me take her up to the window seat after dinner and usually falls asleep watching for bears.
Towards the end of the 3 weeks, I had to take her to the hospital for chemo. 3.5 hours each way. That night she fell asleep in the window seat again and when I got up to carry her to bed, there were 2 bears close to our cabin. I called my wife over to see and I took a picture on Rose's iPad but my wife wanted to wake Rose up so she could see.
She hadn't gotten to see a bear this trip. I told my wife she needs to rest and that showing her the picture would be enough but my wife still tried to wake her up. I stopped her again and got Rose in bed. The next morning I told Rose that there were bears last night and I showed her the picture. She asked if I woke her up.
I said yes because I didn't want her to get upset but my wife told Rose that I wouldn't let anybody wake her up. We did not see any more bears for the rest of the trip and Rose has been devastated. She refuses to speak to me and deleted the pictures I took for her because apparently it doesn't count.
She's even refusing to sleep next to me (she's been sleeping between me and my wife since she got sick) so my wife has had to sleep in Rose's room since the trip. My wife is even talking about taking Rose back to the cabin for a week to try to see a bear. I don't think it's a big deal but my wife and Rose are still upset with me so I wanted to know if I was the a**hole.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
PracticalPrimrose
YTA. You decided for her. Even though your wife was clearly telling you that you were wrong. Then you disregarded your wife’s opinion as well. And guess what - you were wrong.
So from this outsider’s perspective, it looks like: “My female child does not really know what she wants. My female spouse does not know either. They don’t really know their own minds - I know better.”
I really hope I’m wrong. But you might need to sit with this some and ask why you chose this… Also why lie about it? It either mattered (so wake her) or it didn’t (so be honest).
saltytarts
Yes!! All of this!! He's got some major character flaws and I'm sad for his family.
oldclam
YTA. The 20 or 30 minutes she would be awake to see the bears would not have impacted her health. That would have been an amazing memory for her. You know it was wrong because you lied about it. Apologize and do better next time.
AdditionalRead8084
YTA. For a 10 years old, seeing a bear is a huge deal. Especially as she's been looking forward to seeing a bear. Seeing a picture is not the same thing.
FantasiaDeVine
Why are you wasting time get judgment from internet strangers when you could be attempting to arrange a bear meeting for your sick child with a wildlife or charity organization? YTA.
medium_buffalo_wings
YTA. The one thing the kid wanted and would make her happy, and not only did you stop it from happening, you lied about being the one to prevent it? Of course YTA.
Intelligent-Bee-5729
YTA. You knew your daughter has been trying to see a bear from that window for weeks. Your wife told you that you should wake her up to see it. You invalidated both of them and deprived your daughter of an experience she has been actively seeking.
To top it off, you lied to your daughter that you did try to wake her up to see the bear when you did no such thing. The fact that you lied to her shows you already know what you did was wrong. Learn from this and do better going forward.
Ten days later, the OP returned with an update.
"Update: AITA for not letting my wife wake our daughter up so she could see a bear?"
aitabear
My wife, my FIL, and Rosie have been at the cabin for 4 days now. I ordered stuffed animals, window decals, art sets, a kiddie telescope and binoculars, a camera, and a couple chairs for her to sit outside.
My wife, FIL, and Rosie were able to go out a lot more than when we were there with the family and they were even able to visit a national park in the area.
Between Rosie’s new gear, the trips to the national park, and staying up late bear watching every night, she saw bears on more than one occasion. She’s feeling much better and they’re coming home on Monday.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:
MsFrenchieFry
Love to see an asshole make things right. You learned from your mistake and made it up to her, that is awesome. Great job!
camamabear
What a nice update. Glad she got to see the bears!
camebacklate
Good! What you did originally was unfair to her. I am glad she finally saw a bear!
The OP responded here:
aitabear
She actually managed to see them 3 times. Once at the national park and twice from her window. My wife FaceTimed me so I could see her reactions and it was adorable. I have a few more surprises waiting for her at home.
The_Sarcastic_Witch
I hope y’all wind up okay. I can tell how much you love your family just from the few paragraphs you’ve written. You seem like a really good dad. :)