'AITA for telling my sister her kids are the devil spawn?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my sister her kids are the devil spawn?"

Square-Fortune508

I 18F have an older sister 31F who is married with two kids one 8M and 5F. Ever since my niece and nephew were young they were spoiled silly and would throw a tantrum in order to get what they wanted.

My sister being the oldest in the family would never say no and on the off occasion that she did my niece and nephew would cry and scream until my sister gave in and got them whatever expensive gift they wanted. A few years ago my sister had gotten them Ipads and ever since they have been glued to them and if you took it away or it lost charge they would throw a fit.

My niece and nephew have no regard for anyone’s feelings and have gotten to a stage where they will outright tell people “you’re not my mum I’m not listening to you” or “I don’t need to do what you tell me to” and it causes my family to be annoyed on occasion.

Don’t get me wrong I love them with all my heart but the way they speak and act toward family and friends is downright rude and my sister doesn’t punish them for it she encourages it saying they’re young and we shouldn’t get mad at kids.

My nephew has a knack for picking on his sister especially when he has a friend over which leads to my niece crying and seeking comfort which is understandable but she retaliates by acting out.

Whenever they visit the house they will run around and cause a mess yelling and screaming, they refuse to eat the food my parents make if they don’t want it and will talk back to my parents with no hesitation.

My niece has a tendancy of stealing. If she sees something she likes she will take it and on one occasion I found her in my room looking through my drawers, picking out clothes and had a handful of my old stuffed teddie.

When I softly explained to her that she couldn’t do that she ran off and my sister got mad at me for ‘punishing’ her. It all came to a boiling point when my nephew and niece were jumping around in my younger sisters room and yelling at her.

I walked into the room to ask what was going on and they looked at me and said “we don’t love you you aren’t our mum” which genuinely hurt me. So, when I told my sister she said to let them be and that they don’t mean it. From the corner of my eye I saw my niece standing there with a grin on her face and she ran off leaving me hurt and angry.

I don’t know what came over me but I let out everything that I had kept bottled up saying things that my family never dared to say and finished it by saying “your kids are the devil spawn and I suggest you start punishing them for how they act” and left to my room where I’m currently typing this out so reddit AITA? Because in the moment I didn’t think I was but sitting here I’m starting to feel like I am.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

74Magick

NTA your sisters children are sorely lacking what we call "home training" in the South. They need some discipline NOW, because it's only going to get worse. I suggest you and your siblings still living at home make your personal space "off limits" to them and enforce this by installing locks that need a key to open.'

The OP responded here:

Square-Fortune508

I appreciate the comment :) unfortunately locks on our doors aren’t allowed in my house as our family takes pride in respecting each others space so we don’t believe in locks on doors.

DazzleLove

You could get a door wedge- you could then keep the door shut when you are in there at least.

The OP again responded:

Square-Fortune508

After the situation with my niece in my room my parents and I talked about it and decided it would be best to put a little barrier in front of my bedroom door whenever they visit and take it down when they leave :)

JmanVere

Your niece has no qualms with outright stealing from you, you really think a little barrier will stop them?

Again, the OP returned with a response:

Square-Fortune508

True true. If the barrier doesn’t work then I’ll take you up on the door wedge solution.

Successful_Bath1200

NTA. Your sister is an AH for not parenting her little brats properly.

C_Majuscula

NTA. Someone needed to be blunt but it may be too late and your family may have two sociopaths on its hands.

CanaryIllustrious701

Yikes, your sister is in for a rude awakening with those two if she thinks any of that behavior is because they are small and not a lack of parenting, the kids run the house.

fosterthesheeple212

NTA cuz the kids didn't hear -- we all say hyperbolic things to get our point across now and then. I think you should try and sit down with your parents privately when your sister isn't around and explain to them calmly that you think the kids behavior is unacceptable and that it's getting worse and they need to learn to respect other people and their belongings.

Let her know that their visits to their grandparents home is a perfect opportunity for this by setting boundaries. We set boundaries by creating rules and consequences when those rules are violated. We can also create periodic incentives when rules are not broken to reward good behavior.

It sounds like your sister is spoiling these kids, but your parents have an opportunity to reinforce good behavior if they want to. I dunno, good parenting takes effort. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make em drink... and all that.

Update from OP:

UPDATE: hey there everyone I know it was posted not that long ago but I have an update for you! (I live in Australia)

My sister came over this morning to talk to me. But instead of it being a conversation it was more of her yelling at me for disrespecting her kids…. I sat and listened for what felt like hours of screaming and once she finished she told me to “grow up” and that “my kids are good kids”.

When I heard that it was like a wave of anger washed over me and I honestly told her that her kids don’t respect me, the family or the house. The family prides themselves on respecting each other but she has failed to teach them respect and manners and that I shouldn’t open my door to see my niece stealing from me.

I apologised for the wording I used to refer to the kids but reiterated that if it wasn’t going to be me to tell her the truth then it would be someone else.

My sister looked at me and said “you’re not a mother so you can’t judge my parenting” which is true but I had to tell her that even though I’m not a mother I can’t just sit aside and watch my niece and nephew grow up to be disrespectful people because if they’re willing to be rude and mean toward their own family then what’s going to happen to them when they enter the real world or go to school everyday?

I can’t help but worry for my niece and nephew because they are getting worse and I don’t want to just do nothing and that she (my sister) needs to be held accountable for her actions as well as her husband.

I reminded her that if she was only here to yell at me then that shows me where the children got their disrespectful attitude from and I suggest that she tried new tactics like teaching them that stealing is wrong and to do things like limit screen time and learn to say NO to them.

She looked at me with disgust and left. The entire family is on my side in the situation and have commended me on telling my sister what they’ve all been wanting to say but I feel like my sister will never listen nor change especially her children.